is sexy the new cute?

i just don't know what to do in this society that i feel that sexy is the new cute. clothes for little girls are a seductive and it's just crazy how i feel like they are even acting that way. no more cute overalls with pigtails. i went to the pool with A this weekend and i was floored at how many string bikinis were worn by the little girls and older women. now i am not trying to judge, this is not my intention at all, but ... so the situation that floored me was how these little girls even knew how to move their bodies...

i'm currently reading a book "bringing up girls" by james dobson. it is a scary task... our job as believing moral people to raise our children in such a sinful immoral world. how do i really raise my daughter to be a child of God in this world that teaches her other wise?

my daughter is starting camp at the park district tomorrow and i think about how much i need to be on my knees. not that i think anything will go bad, but i anticipate lots of questions from her from what she sees, experiences or hears. then i think about public schools and i just think, wow...

when i was teaching, we were supposed to teach about the different kinds of families... mom/dad, dad/dad, mom/mom, divorced parents... but when it came to doing holidays, we couldn't teach about the real reason for christmas, but it was okay to teach about kwanza and other holidays. that's the world... it's sad... and i am someone who grew up in the public school and think A will do well (i'm not against public school), but it is something i will definitely have to pray about day in and day out and constantly be on my knees about.

just something i have been thinking about these days and it's an overwhelming thing, letting our kids go and grow...

please pray for me and A as we start this new endeavor.

i passed!!!

yes i passed the test. i had to take this placement test so i only have to take one class not two in the summer and i passed!!! woo hoo party time. one thing off the check list!!

if all things go smoothly, i think I could be in our own place by mid week next week and be settled!!!

thanks for your prayers. please pray for smooth transitions and a start to summer school and fun!!!

PRAISE GOD!!!

What I like...

This weekend I was sick. The weather here has been kind of crazy... 90's one day 40's the next. "The air got in me" as the Indonesian would say and that's why I'm sick. :) I sure do miss that place... I can't believe it's been over a month since we left and started establishing our life here... Kind of crazy how time is going by so quickly.

Today we went on a bike ride in the forest preserve and I was reminded of our prayer requests when we left for Indonesia the first time. We asked so many people to pray for me because I do not do well in heat. I got sick on the bike ride and praise God that JM decided to come with us because I think I would have had some serious issues. I have serious problems with heat and on our bike ride, my body went into hyper hot mode and I felt sick. We probably stopped a couple few times for me to take a breather in the shade, dry heave/throw up or to pour water over myself to help cool down. It was kind of crazy, but as I was sick through this, I told JM how the whole time we were in Indonesia, I never had these heat issues. The Lord listened to everyone's prayers of me staying healthy from the heat while I was over there.

One thing that I'm really enjoying about being back in the states is the longer sun hours. In Indonesia we got the sun almost exactly 12 hours, 6am - 6pm. Tonight as I drove home I couldn't believe how bright and sunny it was. I told A that when we got home she had to go to bed and she said, "but it's not night time yet." ha ha... The sun makes me happy although too much of it makes me sick. :)

I know a lot of you out there are still wondering what I'm doing back or what my plans are and how we are going to survive, so I thought I would answer some of those questions tonight before I go to bed.

The Lord has been tugging at my heart toward counseling for a while now and I feel now is a great time for me to dive in and start what the Lord has planted in my heart and feel called at this particular time for this next chapter. As I have gone through counseling and still do go to counseling, I find such freedom in who I am in Christ and freedom from all the chains that satan tries to tie me up in. So my heart longs to be a part of people's process in becoming free from bondage, lies and hurts that are too deep to want to dive into.

Some have asked if I left because it was too hard there... That is not the sole purpose of me coming back, but I can't say that it did not have some pull into the decision. I have a lot of support here. My support was limited there. I do desire to find what the Lord has for ERP, not what E and P had. If the Lord leads me back to the work later, then I know that He's calling me and I'm not going to complete a certain task. I will be going to do God's will not finishing what P started... ERP needs to find herself in a sense.

I will be starting summer school June 13th. I have a class I need to take, I may even have to take two, so we'll see what happens. I pray that we will be able to move into our condo this weekend if not mid week next week. God has sent me a great family of believers that care deeply for me and have been helping me with this place. I pray and please pray with me that God will bless them all 100 fold...

My goal for the next years while I'm in school doing classes and internships is to be a student and a mom. I really want to work with what I have to be at home with A as much as I can. That may mean that we don't do a lot of what we used to do (like traveling and eating out) and cut some costs here and there, but I feel me being at home is so much more important than all those things that it's okay to live minimally if need be. I remember a friend from FL who helped with life insurance stuff e-mailing me and reminding me what P said as we were setting up the life insurance... "I want you to be taken care of if anything happens to me." And that's what he's doing... P's taking care of us even though he is not here.

It's been an adjustment coming back to the states and it will continue to be... I still catch myself looking for the gear to the car on the wrong side... I catch myself speaking the wrong language to people... it's kind of crazy and those are just the little things... Please continue to pray for us as we adjust and reconnect with people... We need to find our niche and A and E now...

We really appreciate everyone's love and prayers and continue to covet them in the weeks, months and years ahead of us.

financial supporters

all financial supporters please stop sending support. especially for those of you who do automatic payment. please do not send for the month of june.

thank you.

winter is here

Three days this past week the weather was beautiful, the sun was shining, it was in the 80's and we wore shorts, skirts, tanktops and took walks to the park and stores. These past couple days winter showed up again. It's so crazy... I wore my jeans and puffy vest... although I did wear flip flops with it in hopes of warmer whether... but seriously I live in Chicago... it'll be like this for a while. My Indonesian blood can't handle it much right now.

Yesterday I was showered with love and gifts from so many brothers and sisters at my church!!! In welcoming me back home, my Chicago mom, LM, put together a housewarming shower and I even got to register for the things that I need and want. She told me I should dream a little...

P and I, knowing that we were going overseas when we got married, didn't really register for much. People gave us couches, we got hand me down dishes, and just filled up our house with a few things that we needed. When A came along, the women at Bethel had a great idea to get us clothes til A was 4. People with certain letter last names were assigned a certain age. So when it came time for us to leave, we really didn't have anything to store except for personal things.

I am really so thankful for the love that people have for us. I am so thankful that people are willing to help us out as we set up a new house. Thank you so much!!!

In scripture it tells people to take of the widows and the fatherless... I am so thankful that my brothers and sisters are taking that seriously!!! Because of all of you, my winter days are bearable and I know that soon summer will come!! :)

A good talk

I've started seeing a counselor again last week. I feel like through this transition I need someone to hear out all of me and give me good, wise, godly advise. So I had e-mailed TIU's counseling center way before I got here to see when they could start seeing me.

Today was my second session and I just have to say, it's good to be validated on the things that you are doing well and given advice when in areas that I need it. Thanks to KM for watching A while I go to my counseling sessions. It is a blessing for A to have friends to play with when I go.

I miss P...

So today after picking up A and doing something fun with her friends, I took A to memory park with a bunch of flowers we picked up at the Jewel. A fell asleep on the way there and I got a good talk in with P while she slept in the car. For almost an hour, I talked to P and let out all that I had in my heart to the one person I know would listen and just listen. I cried through the words that came out. And I just couldn't believe how great it felt to sit there and talk to him.

He's buried in the most beautiful spot. The sun was out today and it was pretty hot... P's spot is by a big beautiful tree that gives great shade. I sat under that cool shade and had a good talk. I came away from that talk feeling so much better.

Hard to believe next month it will be three years... and still I like to sit under that tree talking to someone who will never respond and has been gone for three years. Crazy... this thing called death and grief.

stop wallowing

Self pity is awful... I find myself wallowing in self pity. Tonight after dinner, A and I got some ice cream and went to the park. There was a family at the park, mom, dad, 2 boys and a girl. The family was out playing baseball, all of them. I watched them a little as I played with A... I teared up a little and asked God for day like that for A and I soon. On the way home on 94.3 KLove they had a "food for thought" kind of thing and it was for single parents. They talked about how we single parents should not "wallow" in our self pity - my paraphrase - and start planning... picnics, nights out with our kids, outings with other families... A interrupted my listening by asking what a single parent is. So as we talked about what a single parent is, she told me that I did what they were talking about. She told me about our picnics and how we went to the park. So maybe I'm not wallowing in self pity, but I do think about how life is not all about me. I want to focus on other people, things, issues, etc. rather than myself... all of that in the way the Lord has made me to be and the way He wants to use what I have been through for His glory.

Just something I've been thinking about.

Praises:
1. We got our condo painted.
2. We got our permit to start working on remodeling.
3. We got a car!!!!
4. I am finally feeling a little ease in my daily schedule.

Prayer Requests:
1. I need to take a placement test for math so I would only have to take one class this summer instead of two. Please pray that I could pass this math so that I could just take one, statistics, not algebra and statistics.
2. All the work to get done in a timely matter.

Please pray a blessing over the men helping with the remodeling. They are great at helping me out... MR, GM, AL, JS... Thanks guys!!