our time with my sister, eemo (aunt in korean), is coming to an end. 7 more sleeps after tonight. it's been a great time for all of us and it's sad that it's coming to an end. A is really going to miss her eemo. her first question in the morning is, "can i go wake eemo up?" ha ha... so of course, me who wants more sleep, says yes and i hear them playing.
when my sister came, we had christmas. gifts galore from herself, but from friends and family back home. we got mac and cheese, the real kraft kind, alfredo, tons of kim (korean version of the seaweed for sushi) from my mom (A's favorite), 3 bags of doritos!!!, and others... among those, JO sent me a couple magazines to keep me up to date with fashion and beauty tips. ha ha...
well as i was reading one of the magazine, i ran across this article about a book that's out. it's women from the magazine in a book club and then discussing it. the book's title is "air" by willow wilson. it's a comic. "...in the story Blythe, a flight attendant with a fear of heights, who's swept up in an international terror plot. along the way, she finds a mythical world where a girl can wake up one day to discover she's a superhero."
i read the comments the book club members said and this one struck me... "i thought the best part was the idea that a country - in this case a fictional southeast asian one - could literally disappear because people forgot about it. it's like there are these places where people are living, but because i'm not aware of them, they don't exist for me."
this woman thought this was the best part and my heart ached because in reality that's what people do. they know that there are lots of places around the world that exist, but if they don't consciously think about it, they aren't really there. we really exist just in the place we are... don't think too much about what's going on around the world.
sad to say this is me too. i remember when i first started to get to know P and found out where he wanted to move to... i was like, where is that? knowing i've read it in books, but didn't know where it was on a map. i still don't know where a lot of countries are... but i know if i read on each one, my heart would break with what is going on around the world... because they don't know Jesus. how heartbreaking that is.
i think of acts 1:8 "but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in jerusalem, and in all judea and samaria, and to the ends of the earth." to the ends of the earth... we have to be witnesses... i think that means also that we should know what's going on on this earth... how could we be witnesses without knowing what's going on. i just finished reading "kite runner", thanks BK for the book. and at some point this guy is living in the states and has all this past in him... and i think of how in the states the world is right there. people need a witness... they don't know Jesus... most of those people have been through suffering... not just oh i hurt my leg or i can't find a job, but stomach turning pain... war, watching families being raped, seeing friends being murdered... the world is right there...
if we don't pray for and cry out for those countries, people groups, nations... how will they know about Christ... if we don't lift them up, they will be forgotten like the comic says and what will happen with those people... will they ever hear truth? i feel that we need to keep talking about what's going on in the world and bring it up on their behalf to the Lord. He hears our cries... don't forget those out there... don't let this idea of a country disappearing because people forget about them come true... that merely happens in comics... or could it happen in real life?
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
idul fitri
fasting month is now over and the first day after the end of fasting is called idul fitri. it's kind of like a mix of thanksgiving and christmas... thanksgiving because you eat good food all day and christmas because people get gifts in the family.
my sister was such a good sport coming with us to all our neighbors and saying "mohon maaf lahir batin". people say this to everyone that day to ask for forgiveness for what they had done throughout the year.
so in the morning we got up early and joined our neighbors in the line of all the shaking of hands, kissing of cheeks and hugging. we spent the morning at my "mom"s house. we had our second breakfast with them. it was good to be a part of a family on such an important day.
we then went to church, since it was a sunday. at church we sang songs about victory... how we have victory in Jesus... praying for those who for a month prayed and fasted and say they are victorious. it was such an amazing praise time, knowing that my victory is not by what i have done, but what my savior has done for me.
then we went to our helper's house. we had such a good time there... eating (yet again) and talking, laughing and enjoying our relationship. afterward we came home for a nap... guess what we did after that... went to more houses to eat and laugh and visit. i had a great time sitting and having conversations with people about life and family. (A had a blast because she ate junk food all day - cookies, candies, cookies...)
a lady down from our house, an older lady who was one of the first ones to really give me any physical affection and a widow herself, hugged me like two or three times telling me how she remembered when P came to her house on this holiday and ate in her house... that was really touching for me... holidays you usually think of loved ones... and i was so touched that she thought of P. i told her i remembered and just hugged her, a lady that barely comes up to my shoulders.
the next day we went to my tutor's house and that was a lot of fun. she speaks english and a lot of the people that came to her house that day spoke english, so it was entertaining for my sister too.
our town is like ghost town right now because most of the people went "home" for the holidays. people say it's like that for a week. for some reason i don't remember it being this empty before, but i can't believe how the walk from my house to the front big street (10 minute walk) is basically nothing... no people, barely any motorcycles, one or two cars, shops are closed... it's crazy...
we have one more week with my sister. been having a great time and want to keep praying the Lord bless the time we have together. tomorrow we will be going out with a family from church... the next day i'm hoping to take some kids in the neighborhood to the zoo. i think that will be a lot of fun.
please continue to pray for us, health and safety. pray for our times with people... taking every opportunity we have. my daughter, i love her so much, saw a little girl crying in the play area today and asked me to pray for her, so we took a moment to pray for her, and after we were done, she stopped crying. God is amazing at how He wants to show a little three year old how He answers prayers. that was an opportunity that could have been lost, but i pray that i am more aware of opportunities like that, whether it's with my daughter or a stranger. like my missed opportunity with a neighbor... she was telling me how she was sick and i should have prayed with her... i don't know why i didn't... a roomful of people or what, but i lost it and i kick myself in the butt. but continue to ask that the Lord will never let me go and will keep working on me.
please pray for A and me, even though we have a week with my sister, it's only a week also... we're starting to countdown how many naps/sleeps she has to take before eemo (korean for aunt) goes home. just pray for our hearts... my sister's too.
my sister was such a good sport coming with us to all our neighbors and saying "mohon maaf lahir batin". people say this to everyone that day to ask for forgiveness for what they had done throughout the year.
so in the morning we got up early and joined our neighbors in the line of all the shaking of hands, kissing of cheeks and hugging. we spent the morning at my "mom"s house. we had our second breakfast with them. it was good to be a part of a family on such an important day.
we then went to church, since it was a sunday. at church we sang songs about victory... how we have victory in Jesus... praying for those who for a month prayed and fasted and say they are victorious. it was such an amazing praise time, knowing that my victory is not by what i have done, but what my savior has done for me.
then we went to our helper's house. we had such a good time there... eating (yet again) and talking, laughing and enjoying our relationship. afterward we came home for a nap... guess what we did after that... went to more houses to eat and laugh and visit. i had a great time sitting and having conversations with people about life and family. (A had a blast because she ate junk food all day - cookies, candies, cookies...)
a lady down from our house, an older lady who was one of the first ones to really give me any physical affection and a widow herself, hugged me like two or three times telling me how she remembered when P came to her house on this holiday and ate in her house... that was really touching for me... holidays you usually think of loved ones... and i was so touched that she thought of P. i told her i remembered and just hugged her, a lady that barely comes up to my shoulders.
the next day we went to my tutor's house and that was a lot of fun. she speaks english and a lot of the people that came to her house that day spoke english, so it was entertaining for my sister too.
our town is like ghost town right now because most of the people went "home" for the holidays. people say it's like that for a week. for some reason i don't remember it being this empty before, but i can't believe how the walk from my house to the front big street (10 minute walk) is basically nothing... no people, barely any motorcycles, one or two cars, shops are closed... it's crazy...
we have one more week with my sister. been having a great time and want to keep praying the Lord bless the time we have together. tomorrow we will be going out with a family from church... the next day i'm hoping to take some kids in the neighborhood to the zoo. i think that will be a lot of fun.
please continue to pray for us, health and safety. pray for our times with people... taking every opportunity we have. my daughter, i love her so much, saw a little girl crying in the play area today and asked me to pray for her, so we took a moment to pray for her, and after we were done, she stopped crying. God is amazing at how He wants to show a little three year old how He answers prayers. that was an opportunity that could have been lost, but i pray that i am more aware of opportunities like that, whether it's with my daughter or a stranger. like my missed opportunity with a neighbor... she was telling me how she was sick and i should have prayed with her... i don't know why i didn't... a roomful of people or what, but i lost it and i kick myself in the butt. but continue to ask that the Lord will never let me go and will keep working on me.
please pray for A and me, even though we have a week with my sister, it's only a week also... we're starting to countdown how many naps/sleeps she has to take before eemo (korean for aunt) goes home. just pray for our hearts... my sister's too.
Friday, September 18, 2009
sister
my sister is here. came on tuesday. it's been a blessing even though it's only been three days, but to have someone to wake up with A so i could get a little more sleep... to have someone give her bathes so i could do dishes... to have someone play with her so i could take a breather... to have someone to talk to after A is in bed. it's just been good.
one more day and the fast will be over, a day earlier than supposed to, but something about the moon. so everyone is traveling. our city is emptying out and we aren't going anywhere in fear that we will be stuck in traffic for 10 hours or whatnot. i remember someone telling me that they didn't move for like two hours in one spot. better to stay home. so we are going to do some fun things here. we went shopping, got our hair done, swimming, ran some errands...
tomorrow we are going strawberry picking with a friend and her daughter. sunday is the big holiday here, idul fitri. the day to celebrate the ending of fasting. it's like thanksgiving or christmas... everyone goes to be with family, gets new clothes, buys new whatever and eats tons. the only thing different is that people go around asking for forgiveness from everyone, neighbors, family, friends... i'm excited to go and visit people and eat good food.
please pray for the people as they end their fasting... pray again that the Lord will rain down His spirit on the people.
please pray for our continued time with my sister... safety, health and fun.
thanks everyone for your prayers and support, love and encouragement.
one more day and the fast will be over, a day earlier than supposed to, but something about the moon. so everyone is traveling. our city is emptying out and we aren't going anywhere in fear that we will be stuck in traffic for 10 hours or whatnot. i remember someone telling me that they didn't move for like two hours in one spot. better to stay home. so we are going to do some fun things here. we went shopping, got our hair done, swimming, ran some errands...
tomorrow we are going strawberry picking with a friend and her daughter. sunday is the big holiday here, idul fitri. the day to celebrate the ending of fasting. it's like thanksgiving or christmas... everyone goes to be with family, gets new clothes, buys new whatever and eats tons. the only thing different is that people go around asking for forgiveness from everyone, neighbors, family, friends... i'm excited to go and visit people and eat good food.
please pray for the people as they end their fasting... pray again that the Lord will rain down His spirit on the people.
please pray for our continued time with my sister... safety, health and fun.
thanks everyone for your prayers and support, love and encouragement.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
rip off
for the past three weeks, i have been really frustrated with the public transportation drivers. they have been ripping me off. i don't understand why... but they will ask for 500RP (which really is only 5 cents, but i could buy A 5 candies with that) up to 1000RP more. i was just paying what i normally pay, but they say i have to pay more. so i thought maybe the prices went up, but no rather they had gone down. today i went to drop A at school and the man did it again. i gave him a 5000 and he gave me 3000 back. i wasn't going to have it anymore, so i told him where i got on and told him i needed another 1000. he gave it to me. i didn't want to shame him with all the people in the angkot (our public transportation), but enough is enough. i wasn't nasty or anything, but i wanted to make it known that i was paying the right amount.
they have also been driving really crazy. maybe because they are fasting and are irritated easily, but i have been close to many rearendings. frustrating right? ha ha...
so please continue to pray for safety.
one more week and fasting month is over. please continue to pray for the peoples as they do really pray for the Lord's favor... pray that Jesus will be real in their lives.
did i mention my sister is coming tomorrow? it's kind of crazy trying to get some things situated before she comes. hopefully i could get it all done by tomorrow, especially the internet.
**putting pictures on facebook. go check it out.**
they have also been driving really crazy. maybe because they are fasting and are irritated easily, but i have been close to many rearendings. frustrating right? ha ha...
so please continue to pray for safety.
one more week and fasting month is over. please continue to pray for the peoples as they do really pray for the Lord's favor... pray that Jesus will be real in their lives.
did i mention my sister is coming tomorrow? it's kind of crazy trying to get some things situated before she comes. hopefully i could get it all done by tomorrow, especially the internet.
**putting pictures on facebook. go check it out.**
internet down
**our internet is down at the house. currently i am at a coffee shop using the hotspot here while A is at school. i wrote some stuff last week, so i thought i would just put it on. tomorrow my sister comes!!!**
Today there is a man at our house doing some work. Every time I see this man, I think of how I wish P was here. He would laugh with me. No explanation needed, I know that we would just look at each other and start laughing. I did something really stupid one time and this man saw it… it was the most humiliating thing, but we always laughed about it when he was around.
I feel old. I need a nap everyday it seems like. Just tired… I’m not sure if it’s old or young… I mean kids take naps and they say the older you get you need less sleep. I don’t know. Whatever the saying is… I feel that way. I guess I feel it more today since there is a man working at our house. I usually sleep with A, but because of the worker, I’m awake and doing things around the house. The stinky part is that I’m not a coffee drinker so that wouldn’t help. Oh well… I guess it comes with age… ha ha and I haven’t even hit 30… in one year I’ll enter another decade of my life. Ooooo scary.
I guess I just have some random thoughts that I want to type. So as random as it sounds… just bare with me.
I used to like to run. In college, I would go to the gym and run three miles a day. Then it stopped and I don’t have the desire to run again. Although now I could say I’ve done a 5K before. The other day I had a dream that I was running because I liked it. ha ha… I didn’t know if God was trying to tell me something or I was subconsciously telling myself something. Whatever the case, I’m not running, but now the thought has crossed my mind and I’m thinking if maybe I should. Doubt if it would come to anything because it’s so hot here now. I wish it would just rain. Maybe when it gets cooler, I will seriously think about it.
My daughter today had some friends over to play. She came into my room with a book about Jesus. She told me she read the book to her friend because her friend didn’t know Jesus and she wanted to tell her. I was so proud of her. Then she went on to say that she was going to read that book to all her friends that came over so they will know about Jesus. She walked out and started to read the book again. She memorized the words and was reading it to her friend. Although it was in English, I know that God saw her heart, I sure did.
A little while later, I told her how proud I was of her for sharing her toys and that it showed how beautiful her heart was. She then said how Jesus is proud of her too and that He would be smiling at her because she was sharing. A then walked out of the room with a huge smile and played with her friends.
I’m a little frustrated today because the internet is not working. I’m not sure what it is. People say things are not working right because of the earthquake, but it’s been a little over a week and it’s been find up until yesterday, so I have no idea what they are talking about.
Told you this is a little random. I’m typing this in my non-nap state, listening to the man work intently on the house. I can’t believe A could sleep through this. Amazing.
I read today 1 John 3:4-6. I think I mentioned how I was studying these books and it is going by small chunks. It is so great to read and reflect on God’s word, even though it’s only a few verses. It’s really rich. Anyway, I was reading those verses and just thought how much sin I’ve committed and how lawless of me that is. When I sin, I am making a conscious decision to sin. It’s not by accident by any means… and that broke me.
“Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.”
Do you hear the seriousness of those verses? Ugh it struck me again today as I was reading this… How much God hates sin. How I in turn need to have a heart like Him toward sin. When we decide to follow Jesus, yes it has to do with His forgiveness, but it also has to do with our transformation. We need to transform when we come to Jesus… and He does that for us through the Spirit if we allow Him to.
I told A that she needs to learn how to listen to the Holy Spirit in her heart. I explained that if she fills her days and mind with other things, it is hard to focus on what the Spirit wants from her. I know that she’s only three, but I know that God’s captivated her heart already and I just pray that He’ll keep growing her.
I really didn’t like reading books before. I think I always thought of it as a chore and it wasn’t fun, although if I found a book I really liked, I would finish it within days. So before if someone handed me “The Knowledge of the Holy” I know inside I would have laughed at them… it’s just a deep book with a few vocabulary that I’m just like, What? But I have to tell you, I’ve really enjoyed the book. I have to take my time, look up words, reread parts and make sure I get it, but it’s so worth the time. Take time to pick it up and read it. I’ve actually kind of avoided reading it because I knew that AB was reading it to P the night before he died… So it was something, even though I wasn’t there, I knew was just P. As I read it, I know that P must have really liked it. It so fits his reading material. I remember sometimes he would give me reading material and I would be like, serious? But here I am now, reading them and gaining so much.
If anyone has a good book, send it my way. I’m running out, although I wouldn’t mind reading the ones I have again.
A friend, KP, sent us some jelly beans for my birthday. Note to self, do not put a handful in, does not taste good. My favorite flavor is buttered popcorn.
My sister-in-law, the wonderful person that she is, (oh and brother-in-law) sent me salt and vinegar flavor chips… ugh, I love it. thanks.
Please continue to pray for us in safety and health.
Today there is a man at our house doing some work. Every time I see this man, I think of how I wish P was here. He would laugh with me. No explanation needed, I know that we would just look at each other and start laughing. I did something really stupid one time and this man saw it… it was the most humiliating thing, but we always laughed about it when he was around.
I feel old. I need a nap everyday it seems like. Just tired… I’m not sure if it’s old or young… I mean kids take naps and they say the older you get you need less sleep. I don’t know. Whatever the saying is… I feel that way. I guess I feel it more today since there is a man working at our house. I usually sleep with A, but because of the worker, I’m awake and doing things around the house. The stinky part is that I’m not a coffee drinker so that wouldn’t help. Oh well… I guess it comes with age… ha ha and I haven’t even hit 30… in one year I’ll enter another decade of my life. Ooooo scary.
I guess I just have some random thoughts that I want to type. So as random as it sounds… just bare with me.
I used to like to run. In college, I would go to the gym and run three miles a day. Then it stopped and I don’t have the desire to run again. Although now I could say I’ve done a 5K before. The other day I had a dream that I was running because I liked it. ha ha… I didn’t know if God was trying to tell me something or I was subconsciously telling myself something. Whatever the case, I’m not running, but now the thought has crossed my mind and I’m thinking if maybe I should. Doubt if it would come to anything because it’s so hot here now. I wish it would just rain. Maybe when it gets cooler, I will seriously think about it.
My daughter today had some friends over to play. She came into my room with a book about Jesus. She told me she read the book to her friend because her friend didn’t know Jesus and she wanted to tell her. I was so proud of her. Then she went on to say that she was going to read that book to all her friends that came over so they will know about Jesus. She walked out and started to read the book again. She memorized the words and was reading it to her friend. Although it was in English, I know that God saw her heart, I sure did.
A little while later, I told her how proud I was of her for sharing her toys and that it showed how beautiful her heart was. She then said how Jesus is proud of her too and that He would be smiling at her because she was sharing. A then walked out of the room with a huge smile and played with her friends.
I’m a little frustrated today because the internet is not working. I’m not sure what it is. People say things are not working right because of the earthquake, but it’s been a little over a week and it’s been find up until yesterday, so I have no idea what they are talking about.
Told you this is a little random. I’m typing this in my non-nap state, listening to the man work intently on the house. I can’t believe A could sleep through this. Amazing.
I read today 1 John 3:4-6. I think I mentioned how I was studying these books and it is going by small chunks. It is so great to read and reflect on God’s word, even though it’s only a few verses. It’s really rich. Anyway, I was reading those verses and just thought how much sin I’ve committed and how lawless of me that is. When I sin, I am making a conscious decision to sin. It’s not by accident by any means… and that broke me.
“Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.”
Do you hear the seriousness of those verses? Ugh it struck me again today as I was reading this… How much God hates sin. How I in turn need to have a heart like Him toward sin. When we decide to follow Jesus, yes it has to do with His forgiveness, but it also has to do with our transformation. We need to transform when we come to Jesus… and He does that for us through the Spirit if we allow Him to.
I told A that she needs to learn how to listen to the Holy Spirit in her heart. I explained that if she fills her days and mind with other things, it is hard to focus on what the Spirit wants from her. I know that she’s only three, but I know that God’s captivated her heart already and I just pray that He’ll keep growing her.
I really didn’t like reading books before. I think I always thought of it as a chore and it wasn’t fun, although if I found a book I really liked, I would finish it within days. So before if someone handed me “The Knowledge of the Holy” I know inside I would have laughed at them… it’s just a deep book with a few vocabulary that I’m just like, What? But I have to tell you, I’ve really enjoyed the book. I have to take my time, look up words, reread parts and make sure I get it, but it’s so worth the time. Take time to pick it up and read it. I’ve actually kind of avoided reading it because I knew that AB was reading it to P the night before he died… So it was something, even though I wasn’t there, I knew was just P. As I read it, I know that P must have really liked it. It so fits his reading material. I remember sometimes he would give me reading material and I would be like, serious? But here I am now, reading them and gaining so much.
If anyone has a good book, send it my way. I’m running out, although I wouldn’t mind reading the ones I have again.
A friend, KP, sent us some jelly beans for my birthday. Note to self, do not put a handful in, does not taste good. My favorite flavor is buttered popcorn.
My sister-in-law, the wonderful person that she is, (oh and brother-in-law) sent me salt and vinegar flavor chips… ugh, I love it. thanks.
Please continue to pray for us in safety and health.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
we'll gaze into the flames and look for you
When I first came here, I started to live life one day at a time. It was really a new concept for me. I’m a planner and like to know what’s going to happen. In my head I would have a one year plan and a two year plan and so on…. Since I’ve been back, it’s a day at a time. I’ll have things on my calendar, but really don’t think about it much until that day. Then the earthquake struck and the one day at a time became a new meaning. Tomorrow was really in the Lord’s hand. Not that I did not know that before, but tomorrow for me could really not happen. I go to bed with a new meaning to the prayer, “Tomorrow the Lord willing I will…”
Tomorrow will be a week since the earthquake and I have to say the Lord has really been working in my heart to deal with His sovereignty over my life.
The Sunday before the earthquake, my friend, FN, gave me these verses saying the Lord directed her to it as she prayed for me. Psalm 37:3-7…
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord; Trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.”
Verse 4 was given to P four months before he went to be with the Lord. That evening I tore those verses apart, looking up words that I knew the meaning to but wanting to see what the dictionary said. One of the words I looked up was “safe” from verse 3. Safe means secure, protected, uninjured, out of danger.
These verses have been dwelling in my heart this past week since the earthquake. I honestly had times when I was scared, angry and confused. Scared of the shock of the earthquake and asking God for no more traumatic events. Angry at the thought of how I obeyed Him and again he would shake me, literally. Confused as to why he would bring me all the way back here if I could possibly die in an earthquake. But the Lord kept taking me back to Psalm 37:3-7. My job is to trust in the Lord… do good… dwell in the land… and ENJOY safe pasture. I’m supposed to enjoy the way the Lord keeps me safe. And I smiled when I thought of how the safest pasture is to be with Him in glory. So no need for me to be scared, angry or confused, I just need to trust, which I do, that His ways are far greater than anything I could think of. And in that truth I was filled with peace.
I was blessed by a time of worship on my IPod (thanks SS for the songs on there) as I prayed through these things. I turned on my IPod, went to the genre of religious/gospel, and put it on shuffle, then I prayed that the Lord would guide my time of worship, for He even has control over the machines. So I picked my first song, Matt Redman’s “You Never let Go”…. Then the next song, directed by God, was a song that took me to exactly where the Lord wanted to take me and speak directly to me. Vineyard’s “If you say go”. These are the words…
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You
Powerful huh? I would really recommend that you sit down, find it on the internet or ask SS for it (if you know her) and listen to it… The attitude we are to have before our King… if you say go, we will go… if you say wait, we will wait… if you say step out on the water… we’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come, no matter what the world says… and to know He is King and say… your ways are higher than our ways and the plans that you have laid are good and true… they are GOOD AND TRUE. And this last part brought so much peace into my heart… if you call us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand… we’ll gaze into the flames and look for you (remember the story of the three men thrown into the fire?). I cried in utter awe of our God and amazement of His goodness and His faithfulness in our lives. How much our Lord wants us to trust Him and love Him and follow him… I listened to the song three times after that… it was such a rich worship time, just me and my Savior.
I’m listening to a sermon series of Louie Giglio called “For His glory and renown”. It has been amazing. I want to share a little about what I learned tonight.
• We are to be lovers of the King and how we are so adulterous. - I pray that I will stop sleeping around with things of the world and be true to my King…
• Our satisfaction of our God will overflow and people will catch it. We need to be satisfied with our Savior. – Lord let me be satisfied only in You that people will catch the overflow my satisfaction in You and come to be satisfied in you also.
• God calls us his BELOVED. Why don’t we BE LOVED by the very being who defines Love? God is love. – Thank you God for so intimately calling me your Beloved. God let me live as one that is being loved by you who is the very essence of love.
I want to claim my identity in Him as His beloved and trust in Him and enjoy the plans He has laid out before me. God thank you for your goodness and faithfulness, your love and protection in my life.
Please continue to pray for us… in safety and health.
Please pray for those effected by the earthquake. Traumatic times are when people seek God the most, so please pray that they could find God in this.
Please pray for those who are helping with the aftermath.
Please pray for this month of fasting. There are now about two weeks left, please pray the Lord’s spirit will rain over the nation.
Please continue to pray for visa processing.
Tomorrow will be a week since the earthquake and I have to say the Lord has really been working in my heart to deal with His sovereignty over my life.
The Sunday before the earthquake, my friend, FN, gave me these verses saying the Lord directed her to it as she prayed for me. Psalm 37:3-7…
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord; Trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.”
Verse 4 was given to P four months before he went to be with the Lord. That evening I tore those verses apart, looking up words that I knew the meaning to but wanting to see what the dictionary said. One of the words I looked up was “safe” from verse 3. Safe means secure, protected, uninjured, out of danger.
These verses have been dwelling in my heart this past week since the earthquake. I honestly had times when I was scared, angry and confused. Scared of the shock of the earthquake and asking God for no more traumatic events. Angry at the thought of how I obeyed Him and again he would shake me, literally. Confused as to why he would bring me all the way back here if I could possibly die in an earthquake. But the Lord kept taking me back to Psalm 37:3-7. My job is to trust in the Lord… do good… dwell in the land… and ENJOY safe pasture. I’m supposed to enjoy the way the Lord keeps me safe. And I smiled when I thought of how the safest pasture is to be with Him in glory. So no need for me to be scared, angry or confused, I just need to trust, which I do, that His ways are far greater than anything I could think of. And in that truth I was filled with peace.
I was blessed by a time of worship on my IPod (thanks SS for the songs on there) as I prayed through these things. I turned on my IPod, went to the genre of religious/gospel, and put it on shuffle, then I prayed that the Lord would guide my time of worship, for He even has control over the machines. So I picked my first song, Matt Redman’s “You Never let Go”…. Then the next song, directed by God, was a song that took me to exactly where the Lord wanted to take me and speak directly to me. Vineyard’s “If you say go”. These are the words…
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You
Powerful huh? I would really recommend that you sit down, find it on the internet or ask SS for it (if you know her) and listen to it… The attitude we are to have before our King… if you say go, we will go… if you say wait, we will wait… if you say step out on the water… we’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come, no matter what the world says… and to know He is King and say… your ways are higher than our ways and the plans that you have laid are good and true… they are GOOD AND TRUE. And this last part brought so much peace into my heart… if you call us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand… we’ll gaze into the flames and look for you (remember the story of the three men thrown into the fire?). I cried in utter awe of our God and amazement of His goodness and His faithfulness in our lives. How much our Lord wants us to trust Him and love Him and follow him… I listened to the song three times after that… it was such a rich worship time, just me and my Savior.
I’m listening to a sermon series of Louie Giglio called “For His glory and renown”. It has been amazing. I want to share a little about what I learned tonight.
• We are to be lovers of the King and how we are so adulterous. - I pray that I will stop sleeping around with things of the world and be true to my King…
• Our satisfaction of our God will overflow and people will catch it. We need to be satisfied with our Savior. – Lord let me be satisfied only in You that people will catch the overflow my satisfaction in You and come to be satisfied in you also.
• God calls us his BELOVED. Why don’t we BE LOVED by the very being who defines Love? God is love. – Thank you God for so intimately calling me your Beloved. God let me live as one that is being loved by you who is the very essence of love.
I want to claim my identity in Him as His beloved and trust in Him and enjoy the plans He has laid out before me. God thank you for your goodness and faithfulness, your love and protection in my life.
Please continue to pray for us… in safety and health.
Please pray for those effected by the earthquake. Traumatic times are when people seek God the most, so please pray that they could find God in this.
Please pray for those who are helping with the aftermath.
Please pray for this month of fasting. There are now about two weeks left, please pray the Lord’s spirit will rain over the nation.
Please continue to pray for visa processing.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
celebration ended
thank you everyone for birthday wishes, cards, presents and calls. it was a real blessing to have so many people think of me from so far away.
we had a great time... lots of swimming, seaworld (which is an aquarium here), a water park, shopping and good food. through the wonderful time we had together, God was working in me a great deal, my birthday gift. He made me deal with some things that i was struggling with. it was some serious stuff, but God's good and i find myself at a different place today than i did during the weekend. the Lord gave me a few passages in scripture during this time, Psalm 37: 4-7, continually going through 1 John, Philippians 4: 6-7... there is more, but these are some. then on the way home the Lord spoke to my heart through this song. it is by vineyard and it spoke to me exactly in the way i need Him to speak to me...
If You say go...
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You
What a testimony if we could say this of our lives and our hearts toward the glory of God. amazing. the Lord asked me to step out of the water when He asked me to come here... He tells me to go at times and tells me to wait at times... oh to have this as my testimony...
i'm going through a series with Louie Giglio about God's glory. it is unbelievably good. God really gifted him with some good preaching. i really am enjoying learning about God's glory and what that means. i'm only on the second cd with 6 more to go... can't wait to continue it.
this weekend as we were swimming, A asked me to tell her the story of Jesus dying on the cross. she really likes to read that story and likes for me to talk about it. when i told the story she stopped me when i talked about how there was an earthquake and the curtains tore in half... she asked how if Jesus was on the cross and He was dead, how could He make an earthquake happen from heaven. woah deep. i was like seriously you're only three.... so i tried to the best of my abilities to explain the trinity and how it happened to a three year old. she was satisfied with my answer, but i couldn't get past the fact that she asked that question. i don't know if i'm ready for theological debates with her as she gets older. :)
please pray for...
* A as she is growing and asking such good questions. pray the Lord will continually grow her into a godly woman.
* E as the Lord is working through some things in my heart. i want to go at it the way the Lord wants me to deal with it and have Him lead the way.
* people who were effected by the earthquake. pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to them and that His spirit will rain down on the people.
* visa process is on the way. pray that it will come out quickly.
we had a great time... lots of swimming, seaworld (which is an aquarium here), a water park, shopping and good food. through the wonderful time we had together, God was working in me a great deal, my birthday gift. He made me deal with some things that i was struggling with. it was some serious stuff, but God's good and i find myself at a different place today than i did during the weekend. the Lord gave me a few passages in scripture during this time, Psalm 37: 4-7, continually going through 1 John, Philippians 4: 6-7... there is more, but these are some. then on the way home the Lord spoke to my heart through this song. it is by vineyard and it spoke to me exactly in the way i need Him to speak to me...
If You say go...
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You
What a testimony if we could say this of our lives and our hearts toward the glory of God. amazing. the Lord asked me to step out of the water when He asked me to come here... He tells me to go at times and tells me to wait at times... oh to have this as my testimony...
i'm going through a series with Louie Giglio about God's glory. it is unbelievably good. God really gifted him with some good preaching. i really am enjoying learning about God's glory and what that means. i'm only on the second cd with 6 more to go... can't wait to continue it.
this weekend as we were swimming, A asked me to tell her the story of Jesus dying on the cross. she really likes to read that story and likes for me to talk about it. when i told the story she stopped me when i talked about how there was an earthquake and the curtains tore in half... she asked how if Jesus was on the cross and He was dead, how could He make an earthquake happen from heaven. woah deep. i was like seriously you're only three.... so i tried to the best of my abilities to explain the trinity and how it happened to a three year old. she was satisfied with my answer, but i couldn't get past the fact that she asked that question. i don't know if i'm ready for theological debates with her as she gets older. :)
please pray for...
* A as she is growing and asking such good questions. pray the Lord will continually grow her into a godly woman.
* E as the Lord is working through some things in my heart. i want to go at it the way the Lord wants me to deal with it and have Him lead the way.
* people who were effected by the earthquake. pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to them and that His spirit will rain down on the people.
* visa process is on the way. pray that it will come out quickly.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
more info
the earthquake has killed about 14 people. i don't know if my previous post stated that we are three hours (about 120 miles) away from the epicenter. we did feel something, enough to shake electrical poles and shelves and have us run under a desk... it was a little before 3 in the afternoon.
please pray:
*for the people... again i want to emphasize that this is fasting month. i'm not sure what effect an earthquake has on people's minds and hearts when it's fasting month and this happens, but please pray for them.
*for the people who lost family members. pray for their grief, loss and trauma.
*for the people who have house damage or what not.
*for the healing of the people's heart. in the past five years there have been some significant natural disasters here in the country. God knows what's He's doing. pray that His will be known to the nations and hearts will heal in the comfort in knowing that God is in control.
*for God's glory and renown in this nation and all over the world to be seen.
*for A and myself. it was something unexpected and scary. pray for our hearts, especially A. she asked a couple hours later, "who made the ground shake?" i told her that God did and she wanted to know why. of course i don't know, so i told her that i didn't know, but that God had everything under control. i told her that if anything were to ever happen to us that we would go straight to see Jesus and she said, "and go into the gates of heaven?" i told her yes. i explained how Jesus would be waiting for us to give us a big hug and love on us. then i asked her if she knew who else would be up there to see us, and she beamed with delight and said, "daddy." then she named other people she would see, "daddy's grandpa, mommy's grandma, paul (from the bible), philip (from the bible), ..." but then her heart got sad for the friends that would not join her and in that little heart of hers, she understood that they needed to know about Jesus too.
please pray:
*for the people... again i want to emphasize that this is fasting month. i'm not sure what effect an earthquake has on people's minds and hearts when it's fasting month and this happens, but please pray for them.
*for the people who lost family members. pray for their grief, loss and trauma.
*for the people who have house damage or what not.
*for the healing of the people's heart. in the past five years there have been some significant natural disasters here in the country. God knows what's He's doing. pray that His will be known to the nations and hearts will heal in the comfort in knowing that God is in control.
*for God's glory and renown in this nation and all over the world to be seen.
*for A and myself. it was something unexpected and scary. pray for our hearts, especially A. she asked a couple hours later, "who made the ground shake?" i told her that God did and she wanted to know why. of course i don't know, so i told her that i didn't know, but that God had everything under control. i told her that if anything were to ever happen to us that we would go straight to see Jesus and she said, "and go into the gates of heaven?" i told her yes. i explained how Jesus would be waiting for us to give us a big hug and love on us. then i asked her if she knew who else would be up there to see us, and she beamed with delight and said, "daddy." then she named other people she would see, "daddy's grandpa, mommy's grandma, paul (from the bible), philip (from the bible), ..." but then her heart got sad for the friends that would not join her and in that little heart of hers, she understood that they needed to know about Jesus too.
another first
What seem to go as a normal day turned into something I have never experienced in my life. An earthquake. A and I just woke up from a nap and were getting ready to leave to get our passports when the earth started shaking. At first I thought I was feeling dizzy, but A started to ask what was going on. My elementary education reminded me to go hide under a desk or something. So we ran under my desk. We huddled and prayed under the desk while neighbors yelled for us to come out. Of course I thought they were crazy, but later found out, my elementary education was wrong and we were really supposed to have left the house. Finally it stopped. It probably wasn’t long, but to us it felt like forever. A was really scared and I myself was shaking.
When it stopped, we walked out to find neighbors with the most frightened faces I’ve seen on them, all asking if I had felt it or not. Soon the news was telling us the epicenter was in a town three hours from here, the place where P and I wanted to move to and hit the Richter scale at 7.3. Phones and cell phones were not working for a while. It put people in a panic mode, wanting to know where their loved ones were and wanting to know if family there were okay. I too started texting a friend I knew in the area.
It doesn’t sound like much damage was done, but don’t know yet. It’s only been about an hour and half since it happened.
Please pray for the people in the city where the epicenter was. Please pray for me as I encounter neighbors and talk to them. They really were scared and not that I wasn’t, but it was terror on their faces. I pray that I could share that yes I was scared, but I’m not scared of what will happened to me if I were to die in such events.
Wow another first…
Tomorrow we leave for our trip to get our passport taken care of and to celebrate my 29th birthday. Please pray for safe trip. Also our passports were supposed to be in today, but the lady said tomorrow for sure before we leave for our trip. We're in trouble if it doesn't get here by tomorrow. Please pray that the passports will be ready like said at 1:00 pm September 3rd, which is 1:00 am Chicago time. Please pray for safe travels and a relaxing time. A is really excited about it.
When it stopped, we walked out to find neighbors with the most frightened faces I’ve seen on them, all asking if I had felt it or not. Soon the news was telling us the epicenter was in a town three hours from here, the place where P and I wanted to move to and hit the Richter scale at 7.3. Phones and cell phones were not working for a while. It put people in a panic mode, wanting to know where their loved ones were and wanting to know if family there were okay. I too started texting a friend I knew in the area.
It doesn’t sound like much damage was done, but don’t know yet. It’s only been about an hour and half since it happened.
Please pray for the people in the city where the epicenter was. Please pray for me as I encounter neighbors and talk to them. They really were scared and not that I wasn’t, but it was terror on their faces. I pray that I could share that yes I was scared, but I’m not scared of what will happened to me if I were to die in such events.
Wow another first…
Tomorrow we leave for our trip to get our passport taken care of and to celebrate my 29th birthday. Please pray for safe trip. Also our passports were supposed to be in today, but the lady said tomorrow for sure before we leave for our trip. We're in trouble if it doesn't get here by tomorrow. Please pray that the passports will be ready like said at 1:00 pm September 3rd, which is 1:00 am Chicago time. Please pray for safe travels and a relaxing time. A is really excited about it.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Intolerable
Sin is intolerable. Why are we so prone to make excuses and make no effort to admit that we are a sinner? People go to AA and the first thing they have to say is, “Hi my name is so and so and I am an alcoholic.” They have to admit their problem. Our problem is that we sin. And sin brings the wrath of God=death. Why don’t we understand that? Why don’t I understand that? Why do I find myself daily sinning and falling short of the glory of God?
These past few days the Lord has been relieving sin in my life. The mundane ones where I never really thought it was a big deal to the deep dirty ugly ones. I have spent night after night confessing them, mind you new ones, to my Savior, the only one that could rid me of those horrible things, and I cry, not because of shame but the love I feel from Jesus who wants to free me of those sins and lies that Satan has a hold on me. He embraces me with each confession and tells me that He will help me. And daily I feel freedom in Him and confident that He will guide me to a freer life.
“Unconfessed sin blocks our fellowship with God and with one another, reaping destructive consequences in these relationships. Confession, on the other hand, intentionally moves us out of darkness into light so that our sin is exposed, forgiven, and purified.” (Today in the Word) - John 3:19-21.
My unknown sins were blocking my relationship with God and I didn’t know it, but the Lord so graciously showed them to me. I thought I was doing well, but as it is written in 1 Corinthians 10:12, “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” I am so glad that the Lord caught me before I fell. I would have fell flat on my face thinking I was standing on firm ground. The thing is, we are never on strong ground. Yes when we give our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ, sin’s death grip on us is no more, but daily we are tempted. “To walk in the light does not mean we are sinless; we will sin, and the denial of this sin inhibits our fellowship with God.” (Today in the Word). So we have to have a strategy, what are we going to do when temptation is in our face? In my book, “every woman’s battle”, the author writes how sometimes we fall in a false guilt, when we think because we are tempted we have sin and commit sin because we think to ourselves well we thought it, oh well. Our sin occurs when we actually fall into the temptation and do what we are not supposed to do. The world is going to seduce us and when it does we need to run, especially when we are still struggling with the sin. There may come a point when it’s not even a temptation, but even then, do not think you are standing firm, for you may fall.
P and I would go through seasons of our life where we could clean out of DVD collection. We would go through it and toss out the rated R ones, the PG-13 ones with sex scenes in them, ones with a lot of swear words, tv series that had innuendos that were not godly… I remember doing that three times in our marriage, which equals to about once a year. But we did not want anything in our house that would make us fall. We knew our weakness. I had to give up Korean dramas, if you know me any better I was a Korean drama queen. I loved watching them… but it was not good for my heart as it lead me to comparisons that were not even comparable, plus it was an addiction taking away so much time. I’ve been free from it for like 2 years.
Yes we are to live of the world, but it doesn’t mean to tolerate sin. SIN IS INTOLERABLE. You know the famous D.A.R.E. quote, “just say no to drugs.” That’s what our motto should be, “just say no to sin.” It effects our relationship with our Father, but also with each other. 1 John 1: 8-10. So when we don’t have a good relationship with God, which comes from confession of sin and moving from darkness to light, our relationship with one another is also not going to be happy go lucky
I just started reading “The Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer. I only read one chapter, can’t wait to get more into it, but I was struck by this statement: “Always the most revealing thing about the Church is her idea of God, just as her most significant message is what she says about Him or leaves unsaid, for her silence is often more eloquent than her speech. She can never escape the self-disclosure of her witness concerning God.” (p. 1) What are we saying and not saying about God? Yes God is loving, compassionate, our shield and defender, faithful, upright… but God is also a jealous God. He doesn’t tolerate sin and He once destroyed cities for being so sinful. I feel like, myself included, we like to only talk about the nice attributes of God, not wanting to scare off the new believer or non-believer. But in Proverbs it talks about how the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord… it says that more than a few times. We are to fear the Lord. If He does not tolerate sin, why do we? If our God is holy, why do we not strive to be?
“The low view of God entertained almost universally among Christians is the cause of a hundred lesser evils everywhere among us. A whole new philosophy of the Christian life has resulted from this one basic error in our religious thinking. With our loss of the sense of majesty has come the further loss of religious awe and consciousness of the divine Presence. We have lost our spirit of worship and our ability to withdraw inwardly to meet God in adoring silence. Modern Christianity is simply not producing the kid of Christian who can appreciate or experience the life in the Spirit. The words, ‘Be still, and know that I am God,’ mean next to nothing to the self-confident, bustling worshiper in this middle period of the twentieth century.” (Preface of “The Knowledge of the Holy”)
If we had a sense of God’s majesty and were daily living in awe of Him… What would our lives be like? Today as I was studying the word when I realized my IPod was playing “I need thee every hour”. I listened to that song like three times in a row and have been listening to it when I get a chance all day. How I want that to be my prayer everyday that I may not fall into the hands of the enemy. I need Him every hour, every minute, every second. We have to be on guard, our hearts, minds, life, thoughts, we need to be on guard that we may not fall into sin. But when we do fall, for we are going to, we need to be quick to confess, to have a relationship with God… and with each other.
I appreciate so much that there are people are okay with me sharing my thoughts. I’m just really excited about the different ways the Lord is working in my life so intimately. Guiding me into books to read in the Bible, books to read to grow me… personally walking me through the different sins in my life, letting me say them out loud to him in the most elementary way and allowing me ask my questions on the way then in the most gentle way answering each of them… taking me on journeys where I could see His handprints all over the place… GOD IS GOOD.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not all lovey dovey with God all the time. I mean I just confessed that I sin… and not just little sins, big ones too. I still have my days where I go to the rudimentary questions of P’s death and get mad at Him. I still have my days where God is the last person I want to talk to, but then He makes it so that He is the only one I could talk to… for example, I’d be frustrated with God and want to call a friend, God will make that friend not answer the phone. Then I’ll call another friend… same thing, keeps going until I finally say, “alright fine I’ll talk to you… what do you want?” I tell A to fix her attitude when she starts talking to me like that. Ha ha… But God is so true and faithful even when I’m not… ever so being the gentle God that He is and speaking to every fiber of my being to let me know He loves me and cares. Why would I want to hinder that by sinning and then not confessing to break the relationship I have with my Lord and Savior?
I really understand now why people wore sackcloth and threw ashes over their heads to repent. When I find myself in the act sometimes having subconsciously fallen into sin, that’s exactly what I want to do… ugh how did I let myself do that again? … give me that sackcloth and let me get some ashes on my head…
Sin is intolerable.
Please pray for our travels this weekend. September 3-6. I’ll be celebrating my birthday there. I’m really excited to be away and just be with A and have some fun. So pray that we’ll have safe travel to and from there and while we are there.
Please pray for visa processes.
My sister is coming to visit on September 15-30. I wasn’t sure if I would want family to come during this year. I didn’t know if it would make it harder or not, but we are really excited that she is coming. I think it will be a refreshing time for all of us. Pray for her safe travels as well.
We just had the first week of fasting… three more to go. Please continue to lift up the peoples.
Please pray for A. She’s been talking about daddy a lot lately and her behavior is sometimes just not her. I pray through it, but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. So please pray for her little heart. Don’t know what started it or what she’s thinking. Pray that she could express what she’s feeling and find healing and peace in her little heart.
These past few days the Lord has been relieving sin in my life. The mundane ones where I never really thought it was a big deal to the deep dirty ugly ones. I have spent night after night confessing them, mind you new ones, to my Savior, the only one that could rid me of those horrible things, and I cry, not because of shame but the love I feel from Jesus who wants to free me of those sins and lies that Satan has a hold on me. He embraces me with each confession and tells me that He will help me. And daily I feel freedom in Him and confident that He will guide me to a freer life.
“Unconfessed sin blocks our fellowship with God and with one another, reaping destructive consequences in these relationships. Confession, on the other hand, intentionally moves us out of darkness into light so that our sin is exposed, forgiven, and purified.” (Today in the Word) - John 3:19-21.
My unknown sins were blocking my relationship with God and I didn’t know it, but the Lord so graciously showed them to me. I thought I was doing well, but as it is written in 1 Corinthians 10:12, “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” I am so glad that the Lord caught me before I fell. I would have fell flat on my face thinking I was standing on firm ground. The thing is, we are never on strong ground. Yes when we give our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ, sin’s death grip on us is no more, but daily we are tempted. “To walk in the light does not mean we are sinless; we will sin, and the denial of this sin inhibits our fellowship with God.” (Today in the Word). So we have to have a strategy, what are we going to do when temptation is in our face? In my book, “every woman’s battle”, the author writes how sometimes we fall in a false guilt, when we think because we are tempted we have sin and commit sin because we think to ourselves well we thought it, oh well. Our sin occurs when we actually fall into the temptation and do what we are not supposed to do. The world is going to seduce us and when it does we need to run, especially when we are still struggling with the sin. There may come a point when it’s not even a temptation, but even then, do not think you are standing firm, for you may fall.
P and I would go through seasons of our life where we could clean out of DVD collection. We would go through it and toss out the rated R ones, the PG-13 ones with sex scenes in them, ones with a lot of swear words, tv series that had innuendos that were not godly… I remember doing that three times in our marriage, which equals to about once a year. But we did not want anything in our house that would make us fall. We knew our weakness. I had to give up Korean dramas, if you know me any better I was a Korean drama queen. I loved watching them… but it was not good for my heart as it lead me to comparisons that were not even comparable, plus it was an addiction taking away so much time. I’ve been free from it for like 2 years.
Yes we are to live of the world, but it doesn’t mean to tolerate sin. SIN IS INTOLERABLE. You know the famous D.A.R.E. quote, “just say no to drugs.” That’s what our motto should be, “just say no to sin.” It effects our relationship with our Father, but also with each other. 1 John 1: 8-10. So when we don’t have a good relationship with God, which comes from confession of sin and moving from darkness to light, our relationship with one another is also not going to be happy go lucky
I just started reading “The Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer. I only read one chapter, can’t wait to get more into it, but I was struck by this statement: “Always the most revealing thing about the Church is her idea of God, just as her most significant message is what she says about Him or leaves unsaid, for her silence is often more eloquent than her speech. She can never escape the self-disclosure of her witness concerning God.” (p. 1) What are we saying and not saying about God? Yes God is loving, compassionate, our shield and defender, faithful, upright… but God is also a jealous God. He doesn’t tolerate sin and He once destroyed cities for being so sinful. I feel like, myself included, we like to only talk about the nice attributes of God, not wanting to scare off the new believer or non-believer. But in Proverbs it talks about how the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord… it says that more than a few times. We are to fear the Lord. If He does not tolerate sin, why do we? If our God is holy, why do we not strive to be?
“The low view of God entertained almost universally among Christians is the cause of a hundred lesser evils everywhere among us. A whole new philosophy of the Christian life has resulted from this one basic error in our religious thinking. With our loss of the sense of majesty has come the further loss of religious awe and consciousness of the divine Presence. We have lost our spirit of worship and our ability to withdraw inwardly to meet God in adoring silence. Modern Christianity is simply not producing the kid of Christian who can appreciate or experience the life in the Spirit. The words, ‘Be still, and know that I am God,’ mean next to nothing to the self-confident, bustling worshiper in this middle period of the twentieth century.” (Preface of “The Knowledge of the Holy”)
If we had a sense of God’s majesty and were daily living in awe of Him… What would our lives be like? Today as I was studying the word when I realized my IPod was playing “I need thee every hour”. I listened to that song like three times in a row and have been listening to it when I get a chance all day. How I want that to be my prayer everyday that I may not fall into the hands of the enemy. I need Him every hour, every minute, every second. We have to be on guard, our hearts, minds, life, thoughts, we need to be on guard that we may not fall into sin. But when we do fall, for we are going to, we need to be quick to confess, to have a relationship with God… and with each other.
I appreciate so much that there are people are okay with me sharing my thoughts. I’m just really excited about the different ways the Lord is working in my life so intimately. Guiding me into books to read in the Bible, books to read to grow me… personally walking me through the different sins in my life, letting me say them out loud to him in the most elementary way and allowing me ask my questions on the way then in the most gentle way answering each of them… taking me on journeys where I could see His handprints all over the place… GOD IS GOOD.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not all lovey dovey with God all the time. I mean I just confessed that I sin… and not just little sins, big ones too. I still have my days where I go to the rudimentary questions of P’s death and get mad at Him. I still have my days where God is the last person I want to talk to, but then He makes it so that He is the only one I could talk to… for example, I’d be frustrated with God and want to call a friend, God will make that friend not answer the phone. Then I’ll call another friend… same thing, keeps going until I finally say, “alright fine I’ll talk to you… what do you want?” I tell A to fix her attitude when she starts talking to me like that. Ha ha… But God is so true and faithful even when I’m not… ever so being the gentle God that He is and speaking to every fiber of my being to let me know He loves me and cares. Why would I want to hinder that by sinning and then not confessing to break the relationship I have with my Lord and Savior?
I really understand now why people wore sackcloth and threw ashes over their heads to repent. When I find myself in the act sometimes having subconsciously fallen into sin, that’s exactly what I want to do… ugh how did I let myself do that again? … give me that sackcloth and let me get some ashes on my head…
Sin is intolerable.
Please pray for our travels this weekend. September 3-6. I’ll be celebrating my birthday there. I’m really excited to be away and just be with A and have some fun. So pray that we’ll have safe travel to and from there and while we are there.
Please pray for visa processes.
My sister is coming to visit on September 15-30. I wasn’t sure if I would want family to come during this year. I didn’t know if it would make it harder or not, but we are really excited that she is coming. I think it will be a refreshing time for all of us. Pray for her safe travels as well.
We just had the first week of fasting… three more to go. Please continue to lift up the peoples.
Please pray for A. She’s been talking about daddy a lot lately and her behavior is sometimes just not her. I pray through it, but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. So please pray for her little heart. Don’t know what started it or what she’s thinking. Pray that she could express what she’s feeling and find healing and peace in her little heart.
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