Wood

Apparently for your fifth anniversary, you are supposed to get your spouse wood... ha ha... what a gift huh? Today would have been our fifth anniversary. I think P would have carved me something with wood, if he knew about it.

Yesterday and today have been hard... emotionally draining as the events of this month have finally caught up to me... so as I think of one thing and cry, the next one jumps and I'm crying harder and then I'm just bawling. On top of that, a fellow brother at Bethel went to be with the Lord. His youngest daughter was in P's junior high group and in a summer program that P and I led together one summer. Just the suddenness of that and relating with EH's heart now brought up some of my own emotions, but like she wrote me, "A and P are probably getting to know each other better." and everything else... just emotional...

Today as I was driving (finally got it back-it was being dried out from the flood) and just cried... I saw three beggars on the street and not that it was something new, but I just was overwhelmed with the needs of this world and felt that there are so few people with the task to reach all of them.

You just realize more and more the brokenness of this world... through the different experiences of life... and you think... God when is this all going to be over? I long for heaven so much. Before I have to honestly say it was because I wanted to see P sooner, but now... I long for heaven to be with my Savior... I think of the Chris Rice's song "Naive".

How long until You defend Your name and set the record right
And how far will You allow the human race to run and hide
And how much can You tolerate our weaknesses
Before You step into our sky blue and say "That’s quite enough!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

I hear that a God who’s good would never let the evil run so long
But I say it’s because You’re good You’re giving us more time, yeah
‘Cause I believe that You love to show us mercy
But when will You step into our sky blue
And say "That’s quite enough, and your time is up!"

Am I naive to want a remedy for every bitter heart
Can I believe You hold an exclamation point for every question mark
And can I leave the timing of this universe in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You to please hurry?

Am I naive...
Can I believe...
And can I leave...in bigger hands
And may I be so bold to ask You, to ask You, to ask You

How long?

Lord please hurry!!! The desire of my heart.

February 25, 2005... We had a beautiful wedding... Crazy how some things feel like decades ago, but then it's only been five years since the day we exchanged vows... for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part...

medical system

We’ve had very nice experiences with the medical system here since the day A had typhoid, to when A was in the hospital for the second time with something we don't even know, and even when P was in the hospital. P and I always believed that we should trust the system, although sometimes it does not go exactly how we have experienced in the states, we decided that the Lord will take care of the weaknesses in the system.

So these past about three weeks, I have been in the dental system. I got a crown done right before I came, but my gums got infected. It wasn’t feeling well for a while, but I just did not want to go to the dentist… I have a phobia with dentists since I was little… when I was little they sent me to those special children’s dentist that tied you up. Then I could not bear it any longer a few weeks ago and I went to the dentist. They had to take the crown off and found that my gums were infected.

Today I had to have gum surgery. I won’t go into detail, but the office was awesome. It was better than some of the dentist offices I’ve been to in the states. It had a TV in the room and very high tech equipment. My surgery was all laser. I wore these laser proof glasses, which I really wished I had my camera because it was a sight to see… I’m taking pain killers and doing pretty good. I thought I was going to be really hurting. Doing good. Thanks for your prayers.

Please continue to pray for good healing for me and also that A will feel better quickly. A’s fever was up to 102. If it continues during the night and in the morning, planning to bring A to the doctor, so please pray for her.

Hilarious

My daughter could be really funny. JM during her visit here wanted to write down all the darn things A said to her. I can't remember one right now, but we both laughed so much because of the things A would say.

Just now, A woke up after coughing a lot and moaning from being sick, then says to me, "Mommy, I have to stay at home after my nap and not go to school because I'm SICK!". ha ha... I told her we will see in the morning, but it does seem like we both need some rest.

Please pray for her. She has a cold, but a little fever also. Praying it won't last long and she'll be up and running soon.

Also, please pray for me as I need to get my gums cut due to an infection under my crown. It is scheduled for Monday at 6 PM here time (5 AM Monday morning Chicago time). Now it depends on how A is doing. I need it done and don't really want to postpone, so please pray for wisdom in what to do if A is still not feeling well.

kos... boarding house

it's kind of weird the way the Lord leads us. people have suggested from the moment we got here to live in a boarding house... that was not at all pleasing to me. a boarding house here is like a hotel room. i couldn't imagine A and i in a room like that... i needed my own space. but as i have a lot of different situations occur in the past 8 months that we've been here... i am just open to whatever the Lord would have for me. open hands, open heart...

i guess you could guess where this is going... A and i are now living in a boarding house - kos. i have moved out of the flooded house.

as i long to be still and know God is God and hear Him... i felt such peace moving here. where A and i are now is actually the house of the friends we stayed at in the beginning, E&F. they have a room and bathroom connected to their house, but outside their side door, off their patio. i guess that's the best way to explain it. i never expected to feel such peace about living in a "hotel", but it is actually so nice. having experienced the crazy things that i have these 8 months, i felt a desire to be with family that could just take care of us if anything would happen. this couple is such a blessing. and their two girls are really good to A. the three of them are now outside riding their bikes in the yard.

TB came to help me for a few days and told A that this is our new apartment. and now that's what we are calling our place. an apartment. it's really nice. i have a whole patio to myself kind of and they have a person guarding the house 24-7, so i feel safe about that.

God is good. although this is definitely nothing i expected... getting flooded out of my house, i feel like right now, i am exactly where God wants me, at His feet just doing what He wants, even if the things i really never thought i would do. i really don't know why things happened the way it did... all in one week, but i never once felt that God was out of control. i sensed His control in all the crazy situations and feel blessed to have the friends i had beside me... especially JM. thanks girl... so glad you came. i know God brought you to my rescue (did you ride a white horse?)... :)

i wish i had a camera to take pictures for everyone to see our cute little apartment/hotel.

please continue to pray for us... as we adjust to the new apartment... and continue to see where HE leads us.

Thanks...

Temporary

**picture if our backyard. there is about three and a half feet of water there. since my camera was in the bag that was stolen, this is the only current picture i have of our house... **

I feel the Lord is teaching me the temporariness of this life. I mentioned awhile ago about seasons and how some seasons are long and some are short, but the Lord is in control of everything. I moved into our flooded house thinking that was the last house the Lord will have us in before we head back to the states, but yet again, I may make plans, but the Lord is the one that makes things happen.

I remember LB, one of my friends, saying how it's great that I don't have much stuff, as we were taking things out of the house after the last flood. Yet as I sit here in the room that we are currently staying in,we are staying with the family that we stayed with when we first got here, E&F's, I am embarrassed at the amount of stuff I have. As I was thinking about that today, I thought how much more I want to downsize.

My heart is where my treasure is and I continually want to remember that my treasures are in heaven and not here. I don't want to feel like I can't live without something on this earth. It's so temporary. The more stuff I accumulate, the harder it will be for me to pick up and follow Jesus. So, although the flood was a pretty scary crisis, carrying my daughter up a pretty good current, I feel the Lord has used it to grow me yet again.

For days, purposefully, I put off thinking about my situation and focused on JM. But as soon as she left and I came before the Lord for direction, I sense His new-found direction for A and me. I'm still praying about it, but hopefully soon, I will be able to tell you what my plans are for this next season... however long it may be.

Love Stories

So... E asked me to write something before I left to go back to Macau. I think I'm a good candidate because I'm a girl and I definitely had fun this week.

I'd been really planning to come and visit for a long time. E and I are 50% of the Asian branch of BCC! (C&A O being the other 50%). We HAVE to hang out!! Ha ha. You all know by know that things didn't exactly go as we had planned, but we've had a really wonderful time in spite of living at others' houses and the flooding, etc.... I'll give a short promo here for the traditional dancing and music that we saw this afternoon (with A booty-grinding in the background, and the AMAZING local dessert that's chewy with chocolate and nuts in the middle. They need to market it in Chicago. Okay, I know I'm already swayed by Asia...but you guys should come visit E. (Especially if you have carpentry skills...)

Anyway, I really came here because I wanted to see E...to encourage her during the month of Feb. and to hang out with a girl friend and just see their lives here. I had kind of forgotten (in a way) that this was also the place that P died. Then the other day we were driving around in a taxi and E just pointed to a place on the right side of the road and said, "That's the hospital where P died." I don't know what I was expecting... weird organ music or a gloomy or sad feeling, but all I felt(not being here when it happened)was the sun shining down and people laughing and God still in control of the world.

I can really see P here...and I can see why he loved these people. I could totally imagine him chatting with some of the old guys selling stuff on a street corner. This is my first time to third-world Asia and it's so much more relaxed than my home. As we've talked a lot this week, a lot of memories of P have come back, and what I'm remembering most his laughter. I think he would be so proud of his girls.

But I'm most struck that this story is NOT about lives being lived as a memorial to P. What I see here are two great girls living their OWN lives, making this their own story now... and living it for Jesus. By the grace of God...this is E's story and this is A's story. This is their place.

I see so much love surrounding them here. When the flood waters rose and we were literally fighting the current to get up the hill away from the rising water, their neighbors were out helping to guide us. E's friends came from over 3 hours away just to be here to support them. Their helper really loves them and loves A, who she's known since she was a baby. E's small group has hosted us. I see God's love in the way that A is really happy here. She sings on the streets walking back from school; she can really speak the language (but she is NOT a reliable translator)and she has so much of her dad in her. People know that E. loves them and I think they see the love of God in her. Praise God. He is continuing His redemption story... in spite of us, using us. It is an amazing privilege to be a part of it, and it's been great to see it in action this week.

I've been challenged again not to get stuck at some point in my walk with Christ because of stress, because of challenges, because of difficult circumstances. Let's live with gusto the life that God's given us...without fear of what will come next, because we know that our loving Father will be there to catch us.

Each of us has a story of love that we've been given by God. How are we living that out? Can others see that in our lives?

-JM-

Home is where you are...

I think I wrote about this before... but when P and I came in country together, I got an article from TB about the topic of "home". Home is where you are... talking about family. P and I would say that to each other. I now am saying this to A as we are going to leave the friends' house we are in now to go to another friends' house. Hopefully this will be the last one until I figure out what the Lord wants us to do.

This is how the situation stands... we have a river behind our house that splits our neighborhood from the one behind us. One of the houses from the other neighborhood fell into the river making a dam. So when it rains hard, which is almost everyday now that it is rainy season, the water piles up at that spot... so when the first flood, Friday, happened, the water had no where to go so it went into a house about five houses up from ours and came out the front, taking along all the furniture... making the river then come down our street. I'm the last house on the street, but thankfully, my yard is lower than my house, so most of the water went into my yard... but then it also knocked down the wall that was standing next to my house (100 feet wide, ~15 feet tall). Praise God it fell the opposite direction of my house.

People have been working on the house, but the sad thing is as some men friends have been talking to neighborhood leaders, this process of fixing the house that fell and making alternate routes for the water to go and fixing the wall will take up to 3 to 6 weeks. But on top of that, of course we want the house to be flood free for at least 2 weeks before we say it's totally safe to get back in.

With all the construction that will be going on, meaning more people around, mostly men and that it's going to take that long, I am in process of praying...

I'm not sure under all the situations above what the wisest decision would be. I sense the Lord giving me Psalm 46:10 for right now... so therefore, I am doing exactly what I am sensing... But praying for quick revelation about what He would want us to do.

Please pray for this crazy process... for A and me, emotionally and physically, it's taking a lot out of me to process the situation and also come up with a plan. Please pray for JM as she is headed back tomorrow. We had a great time, despite the flooding. Please pray for my heart to be ready to hear God's voice and be quick to obey what He desires of me. There are actually so many prayer requests in situations like this, so whatever the Lord lays on your heart, please pray for that.

Refugees

I just think what is the Lord up to. I have no idea, but I trust in Him who not only knows what He's up to, but knows what's ahead. It's kind of distressing just being in this situation, but I rest in the Lord.

Yesterday as A was napping, JM was reading 2 Corinthians 1:8-12 and I was just sending a friend away with a set of keys for plans on Sunday... I got a call from the friend that just left saying that it looked like the water was rising as she was leaving and wanted me to be careful. As soon as she said that, I told JM and we looked out the window and water was already seeping through from under the front door. My helper worked at blocking it and I called people to get input and help. Within a couple minutes the water level was up to the tire of my car... so we packed a few bags and left the house. We walked through some knee high, maybe higher up the path to safety. I'll spare you from all the details, but we are currently at a friends' house. A is happily playing with the girls at this house (She thinks we are having sleep overs at friends house. I told her we may be having sleep overs for a while, which she really enjoys.), JM and I are watching a movie and resting. I am so glad that JM is here and I was not alone. She made me feel safer and she saved our cat! ha ha...

The situation is like this... the problem that is causing the flood will not be fixed for 3-6 weeks... and even if the problem is fixed, chances of it being held up in this rain, is unlikely..

Please pray for us... I definitely feel the Lord led us to this house and I had a great season in that house, but I think we may have to say that the season of that particular house is going to be done. I need prayer in wisdom for next steps... but most of all please pray for any work of Satan. Satan may not be liking the fact that I'm here, for whatever reason... So please pray against his working!!! Pray that angels will be looking after us in our next step.

We are doing great and being very well taken care of. Please do not worry for us for people of the Jesus do not worry... We are to cast it upon Jesus. Please pray for blessing on the friends that have run to my side from 10 minutes away, 1 hour away... 3 hours away...

I want to have fun with JM, please pray that in the midst of this, we could still enjoy each others' company. She's been encouraging. Praise God she is here!!!

In the beginning of the chapter that JM was reading is the verses about how we experience suffering to join in the sufferings of others... I got just a little taste of the floodings people experience all over the world.

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY MAIL TO THAT HOUSE!!!

a seriously bad week....

This week has been a little difficult, emotionally... actually that is an understatement as you read on my last post, plus going to the dentist here because I have an infection. Today I went to get some stuff from the store because my friend JM from Chicago is coming. On our way back from home, it was raining... we found ourselves only a couple hundred feet away from our house, but could not get home. There was such a big flood. One house we saw on the way to our house, their windows from the back of the house shattered and then shattered the windows in the front, bringing along the furniture inside the house to the yard. The gates were pushing out due to the pressure of the water. I could only imagine what was happening at my house... I tried to drive in, but couldn't it was too deep to drive through. So I went back got a friend to stay in the car with A and walked to see what the situation was. My neighbor right beside me had water up to my knees in their yard and I didn’t want to walk any closer due to electricity. I took A to my friend’s house, cancelled my study tonight, called people that could help me and started back to the house. As I was leaving, girls from my study decided to come anyway to see if they could help, Praise God. People were pouring buckets out of their yard… but the water had gone down extremely through. So we were able to drive to our driveway… I am not saying this to scare any of you, but to tell you how good God is.

I put down my window because my neighbor was out and she pointed to my house… the wall that runs alongside the house, which is about 10-15 feet high, fell over. My house is in one piece praise God, unlike some houses on this street.

We finally got in the house, me with three, of the girls that showed up from the study with a guy that works maintenance at my work place. People were on their way to help… we walked into much less than I expected. A’s room and our guestroom were okay, but the rest of the house had about 1-2 cm of water/mud. The book shelves showed that the water was about 6 inches high at one point. So we all started mopping… I so wanted everything to be okay before JM came. Praise God for everyone who rushed over to help us and for those who watched A so that I could get the mess cleaned up.

Right now I am typing with my three friends watching “The Proposal” waiting for JM to come. I’m very emotionally tired with all that went on, but so glad that God protected us from the “what could haves”. Praise God we were out of the house.

Lord Thank you.

Please pray for protection and quick fixing of our wall. Please pray for my heart as I am totally okay right now, but I feel that I will digest it at some point and have to deal with all that happened. Crazy… God is good, but it has been crazy. Please just keep praying for us, for whatever comes to mind.

**I was very sad when I wanted to take pictures of the house and the mess it was, but remembered it's in my purse that was stolen. :( **

sad...

today i experienced something really sad. heard it happen before... i came home for lunch after picking A up from school. then i went to put her to bed... it took 30 minutes, actually less, but i fell asleep with her... our helper was cleaning the house and coming in and out of the living room. sad thing is, for some reason today, we all weren't as careful as we usually are and left the gate open a little bit and forgot to lock the screen door. as i was getting ready for work, i noticed the screen door open and figured the helper went to throw the trash away. as i was getting ready to go out the door, i couldn't find my purse. we all saw it on the couch before i went to put A to bed. we looked all over... nothing... someone had come in the house and taken my purse.

as i stayed in the house while A continued to nap, my helper went up and down the street looking for the purse, hoping the person just took the money and threw the purse away... i had to go and report it to the police station so that i could stop my bank card here and get a new one.

it was sure an experience. i'll definitely be more careful. it just really stinks.

A and i are praying that the money in my wallet will be a blessing for the person and his/her family and that somehow the Lord will bring him/her to Himself through this process.

i'm sad that this happened and do not like taking care of all the legalistic stuff of this, but it's all a lesson learned.

pray that the person did not use the cards... i have put a stop on them... but still, who knows... also pray that i could get everything quickly, new cards, license, ... all the process will be smooth.

what an experience... it's tiring for sure.

Obedience is hard...

Today as A and I drove to drop some things off at a friend's house, A and I got into a pretty deep conversation. We were going to our friend's house to drop off some toys of A's and other things because they had family coming in from out of town and they do not have kids yet and needed toys. So, on the way, A expressed how she did not want to share her toys. I explained how in the Bible it says when people ask for things, we are actually supposed to give more than they ask... Then I asked her to pray about it and see what Jesus is saying to her heart. A little while later, A told me that Jesus told her to share her toys, but that she did not want to. I explained to her how that's how we feel a lot of times God asks us to do things, but that when we obey, we will find real joy in it. I told her to think about it on the way because we were going to let them borrow the toys either way and I expressed how God would be so proud of her if she did it with a joyful heart and not because she had to, that I too would be proud. She thought about it for a while longer... finally before she fell asleep in the car, she told me that she would let them borrow the toys and that she would share with them. I told her that I was so proud of her for obeying Jesus.

It's hard to obey when the Lord asks for so much from us. I pray that A will continue to grow to be a lady who is ever so open to hear His voice and joyful in obeying what He desires... Grow both of us Lord.

count your blessings count them one by one

my daughter is such a huge blessing... she turned four and now keeps telling me how big she is and how she could do so many things on her own. we are still working on how four year olds need to eat their fruits and veggies. ha ha... she's so cute. the night before her birthday, we got a few packages and i laid out her presents and told her she needed to wait til the next day. while i was making dinner i asked her to turn on some music. A asked if she could listen to Christmas music and i said whatever she would like. then she said, "cuz my birthday is kind of like Christmas." i just laughed. we had a great celebration. thanks everyone for packages, cards, e-mails, calls, fb messages... she loved them. please pray for her to grow up to be a woman who has a heart fully after God and that nothing would fill her except for Him.

our house has been such a blessing... we've had a crazy week of people coming in and out of our house, but i have loved it and A loved having her tante-tante (aunts) and om-om (uncles) coming over to play with her. tuesday we had our small group here. thursday friends came to celebrate A's birthday. friday i had a women's study and even had a friend sleep over. tonight we had people from the Center over to eat dinner and watch a movie and just hang out. what a blessing. my love language to others is acts of service. i love serving people... so i love when people are over and i could cook, serve, clean up and just let them hang out and have fun. so my tank of giving is being filled!! praise God for a house where i could do that. please keep praying that God would use this house to bring people in.

my car... i praise God for such generous in-laws... i have been doing so much of with that car already. i like that i could pick people up to come over to my place, shop for events without stress, go on dates with A, take people home after having them over at my place... it's just been a blessing. please pray that the car would be a tool for God's kingdom advancement.

friends... i had multiple friends this week tell me that they would love to watch A so that i could do things that i would like to do. what a blessing. God is so good and really bringing people to serve me. please pray that the Lord will continually bring people at the right time to help us when we need it.

internet... i don't know how people did it a long time ago, living so far away from family without internet. having letters take months to get delivered. now it's just 2 weeks.

counting my blessings... counting them one by one and seeing how much the Lord is intimately involved in my life... leading the way.

i am so excited about what God is doing in my life... i got a message today on fb and someone mentioned how they could see joy in my smiles lately... i was so blessed by those words. actually it's funny... today i took the love language quiz and my two love languages i like to receive is quality time and words of affirmation. so if you want to love me... those are some good ways to let me know you care. ha ha... so that fb message meant a lot... also we were talking with friends this morning and this friend mentioned how i was so brave... i don't think of myself that way, but it meant a lot to hear that. thanks friends.

alright it's late... need to go to bed.

fb has some great pictures up.

my baby is turning 4...

Today we had our first birthday party for A. We will have one more for her at school on Thursday. On Tuesdays we have small group and today we had it our house. I just wanted people to come over for dinner and just say happy birthday, but they bought a beautiful cake and presents. It was a little emotional for me when we were singing happy birthday... my baby is not a baby anymore...