i have been doing really well coming back here and adjusting. for a whole 2 and a half months i did not miss much from the states. i think A would say more things like, "when we get to chicago..." but since i was sick, i missed doritos so much... not just any doritos, but cool ranch ... my mouth is watering just as i type about it. oh ho oh... so in my miserable state while i was still recovering, i mustard up some energy to go to the "toko setiabudhi" which has a lot of american stuff we want because i knew they have doritos. i remember getting them with P. so i get there and look through the snack aisles... and no doritos. i literally, walked back and forth. A kept asking what i was looking for, but i was on a mission and i couldn't explain to her what it was. i told her she'd had this before i knew she would like it too... after about 10 minutes, i gave up... almost cried in the store and i was exhausted from having no energy in the first place. defeated, i picked up some pringles and came home. sorry to say, but pringles did not hit the spot. it was a very depressing day i must say.
today A and i went to another store... this store is on the rise of american food in it, and i thought i remembered seeing doritos before, so i went... to get other groceries, but i thought i could maybe find the doritos there... to my disappointment, there were no doritos. i was sad, but not as sad as last week. where are you doritos???
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
broken homes
Many asked before I left, what the people’s perspective of a widow is here. I really didn’t know the answer. Had a general idea, but not the specifics.
I feel that maybe I had already written that the word for widow is the same as for a divorcee. One day a friend and I were talking about the different families in the neighborhood. She explained to me that one of the kid’s mom was a “janda” (widow) and she was only 22. My heart ached as I knew her little boy was only 4. My friend went on to explain that this “janda” was going to get married again. Anyway, later I found out she was divorced. My heart still ached for her as she is so young with such a young little boy, but I was a little baffled that she was called a “janda”. I then asked her what the word for widow was and she said it was the same. Literally 80% of the kids that come to our house are from divorced families and their moms are no more than 24 years old. I realized why the kids want so much of my attention when they come over.
Why am I writing about this… I wanted to ask for prayer over this country as well as the world for the broken families. There are so many broken families and so many hurting people, couples and children involved in these broken homes. I ask that we will pray over these people… pray that what God intended for a family will be revived. I ask that people will go back to scripture to find what it means to be married. Men shall love their wives as Christ has loved the church. Women shall honor their husbands and be their helper. Our roles have really been turned upside down. I’m not saying that women should be silent, but go back to scripture and see what it says about the roles of both men and women. (some of you are probably laughing, this coming from me, who was such a feminist, but come on I was in high school) If we could see where God’s heart is for His people in marriage, then there would not be so many divorces. Yes I am living in a country where only like 20% are known to be Christians, but a long time ago… there was a standard. I think of the movies and TV shows I watched while I was growing up and then see what’s on now and I am shocked at what outrageous things kids are watching, so far from what God planned for His people. Let’s pray as a people, those following Jesus, for our fellow brothers and sisters and also for the world that is falling and hurting. Please spend time to seek out those people and spend time in prayer for and with them. Examine your family and see where you are and pray together that God will continue to be the foundation.
The way the world heals their pain is to find something else to take the pain away... but the thing is we need to heal the pain not just take it away, nothing could heal the pain, except for Christ. That’s why there are so many addictions in this world. It pains me to see so much suffering, hurt, abuse, corruption… This is not what the LORD had in mind, but He knew this was going to happen. He is sovereign and believe it or not through all this, He is going to bring glory to Himself. Let’s do that… let’s bring glory to God. Yes it is hard to be the black sheep, but isn’t it worth it for Christ. Stand up to those wrongs.
I was really sad the other day when I had to explain my situation to a group of ladies at A’s school. The first thing that came out of one of ladies mouth was, “You’ll get someone better”. And I almost cried in front of them. One because they didn’t know who P was to say that and two because that is their way of getting over it, just finding something or someone else. I couldn’t really talk anymore… I got up and walked toward A’s classroom.
I was reading in Deuteronomy about the “time of weeping and mourning”. This lasted 30 days. I don’t know much about it and I want to read up on it some more, but I thought of how the Lord made days like that because He knew we needed it. Here, whether you are single, divorced or widowed, the faster you get married the better. It doesn’t matter who you marry, as long as you marry. It doesn’t matter how many times you are married as long as you are not alone. Sad…
So to answer the question of many about what it’s like to be a widow here… I have to say, it takes more thought than in the states.
• I really have to watch what I wear. I try to be neutral, meaning wearing clothes like I used to wear when P was here, or very modest.
• I have to watch the clock. Here if you (a single woman) are out past sundown (the last call to prayer – around 6 pm) without your husband, dad or older brother, then you are looked down upon as a “night girl”, and you know what night girls do. (even if you are engaged, you need to be home, so people won’t think of what you are doing at night together) So I make sure that I am home before then. If I need to go out, I make sure the people that I am going out with come to my house to pick me up, I let my “mom” in front of our house know where I’m going and “ask her permission”, and make sure that those friends drop me off to my door, making sure that those friends are girls and let my “mom” know I’m back. This only happens when I go to small group or out to eat with friends, and that’s not often.
• I am real honest with everyone, so they could see my heart and I feel that they appreciate and respect me for that.
No matter how hard I try to be a polite, well-mannered, proper widow, people are really allowed to think whatever they want and I pray that the Lord will protect me. Let people who need to see or hear me see or hear me, other than that, I pray that the Lord will cover their ears and eyes so that they will not gossip. My helper told me, that no matter how much respect a widow gets, it only takes one thing to give her a bad reputation.
There is a real concern in the hearts of my neighbors, especially my close friends, of my well-being. When I first got here, the ladies asked if I came with my new husband (which they had asked me when I came in November to visit). I told them I didn’t have one and one of the elderly ladies asked if it was against my religion. I laughed and told them of course not. She followed by asking then what my problem was. I told her “Insya Allah”, which means “God willing”. I explained that everything was in His hands and it really was up to Him, but I’m open to whatever. They said that they would help me find someone here and will pray that I will find someone. Ha ha…
I am so blessed to be in this neighborhood again. I feel like because they knew P, they really care for us and don’t say very many inappropriate things that I have heard them say about other “janda”s. People still talk about P. The other day I went to the paint store to buy paint for our entertainment room and the owner wouldn’t stop talking about P. He was telling his workers how P would talk to him all the time and how he was such a nice guy. It was good to hear people remembering him and talking about him.
I started this to talk about people’s perspective on widows, don’t know if I really answered the question. I feel that I went all over the board, but hopefully it was somewhat answered. It is easier for me to be a widow both here and in the states because of the body of Christ. How they are committed to help the widow and the fatherless. I love how Bethel was committed to stand by us while we were in the states and now the body here has been incredible. They are texting me to make sure I’m okay, inviting me to things left and right, picking me up for small group and dropping me off, making sure A has fun and is being served as well. It is truly a blessing. I have embraced my widowhood and am taking it a day at a time to see what the Lord has for me.
Let me end with reminding us, the body of Christ, to pray for and reach out to the broken families. Pray for God’s divine intervention in those families, especially the ones in the church. Pray that God will be known in the lives of families. Pray for healing in the lives of broken families… whether here or there, people are trying to get rid of the pain, the hurt, the rejection with someone/something else… but that is not the answer… pray that they will see Jesus.
** I want to share how God is continuing to lead me in His word. So I finished Proverbs and Deuteronomy and praying on what I should read next. For some reason I went to Jude. I can’t even remember when the last time was that I read that book. Anyway, I read the book (it’s one chapter) and thought of how interesting it was, but wanted more out of it. Today I opened “Today in the Word” that my girls sent me in the package. No kidding the whole “Today n the Word” was devoted to 1, 2, 3, John and Jude, an in depth look on those letters and the topic of false teachings. I was so excited. Thanks girls for sending that. I can’t wait to see what I learn from these letters.**
I feel that maybe I had already written that the word for widow is the same as for a divorcee. One day a friend and I were talking about the different families in the neighborhood. She explained to me that one of the kid’s mom was a “janda” (widow) and she was only 22. My heart ached as I knew her little boy was only 4. My friend went on to explain that this “janda” was going to get married again. Anyway, later I found out she was divorced. My heart still ached for her as she is so young with such a young little boy, but I was a little baffled that she was called a “janda”. I then asked her what the word for widow was and she said it was the same. Literally 80% of the kids that come to our house are from divorced families and their moms are no more than 24 years old. I realized why the kids want so much of my attention when they come over.
Why am I writing about this… I wanted to ask for prayer over this country as well as the world for the broken families. There are so many broken families and so many hurting people, couples and children involved in these broken homes. I ask that we will pray over these people… pray that what God intended for a family will be revived. I ask that people will go back to scripture to find what it means to be married. Men shall love their wives as Christ has loved the church. Women shall honor their husbands and be their helper. Our roles have really been turned upside down. I’m not saying that women should be silent, but go back to scripture and see what it says about the roles of both men and women. (some of you are probably laughing, this coming from me, who was such a feminist, but come on I was in high school) If we could see where God’s heart is for His people in marriage, then there would not be so many divorces. Yes I am living in a country where only like 20% are known to be Christians, but a long time ago… there was a standard. I think of the movies and TV shows I watched while I was growing up and then see what’s on now and I am shocked at what outrageous things kids are watching, so far from what God planned for His people. Let’s pray as a people, those following Jesus, for our fellow brothers and sisters and also for the world that is falling and hurting. Please spend time to seek out those people and spend time in prayer for and with them. Examine your family and see where you are and pray together that God will continue to be the foundation.
The way the world heals their pain is to find something else to take the pain away... but the thing is we need to heal the pain not just take it away, nothing could heal the pain, except for Christ. That’s why there are so many addictions in this world. It pains me to see so much suffering, hurt, abuse, corruption… This is not what the LORD had in mind, but He knew this was going to happen. He is sovereign and believe it or not through all this, He is going to bring glory to Himself. Let’s do that… let’s bring glory to God. Yes it is hard to be the black sheep, but isn’t it worth it for Christ. Stand up to those wrongs.
I was really sad the other day when I had to explain my situation to a group of ladies at A’s school. The first thing that came out of one of ladies mouth was, “You’ll get someone better”. And I almost cried in front of them. One because they didn’t know who P was to say that and two because that is their way of getting over it, just finding something or someone else. I couldn’t really talk anymore… I got up and walked toward A’s classroom.
I was reading in Deuteronomy about the “time of weeping and mourning”. This lasted 30 days. I don’t know much about it and I want to read up on it some more, but I thought of how the Lord made days like that because He knew we needed it. Here, whether you are single, divorced or widowed, the faster you get married the better. It doesn’t matter who you marry, as long as you marry. It doesn’t matter how many times you are married as long as you are not alone. Sad…
So to answer the question of many about what it’s like to be a widow here… I have to say, it takes more thought than in the states.
• I really have to watch what I wear. I try to be neutral, meaning wearing clothes like I used to wear when P was here, or very modest.
• I have to watch the clock. Here if you (a single woman) are out past sundown (the last call to prayer – around 6 pm) without your husband, dad or older brother, then you are looked down upon as a “night girl”, and you know what night girls do. (even if you are engaged, you need to be home, so people won’t think of what you are doing at night together) So I make sure that I am home before then. If I need to go out, I make sure the people that I am going out with come to my house to pick me up, I let my “mom” in front of our house know where I’m going and “ask her permission”, and make sure that those friends drop me off to my door, making sure that those friends are girls and let my “mom” know I’m back. This only happens when I go to small group or out to eat with friends, and that’s not often.
• I am real honest with everyone, so they could see my heart and I feel that they appreciate and respect me for that.
No matter how hard I try to be a polite, well-mannered, proper widow, people are really allowed to think whatever they want and I pray that the Lord will protect me. Let people who need to see or hear me see or hear me, other than that, I pray that the Lord will cover their ears and eyes so that they will not gossip. My helper told me, that no matter how much respect a widow gets, it only takes one thing to give her a bad reputation.
There is a real concern in the hearts of my neighbors, especially my close friends, of my well-being. When I first got here, the ladies asked if I came with my new husband (which they had asked me when I came in November to visit). I told them I didn’t have one and one of the elderly ladies asked if it was against my religion. I laughed and told them of course not. She followed by asking then what my problem was. I told her “Insya Allah”, which means “God willing”. I explained that everything was in His hands and it really was up to Him, but I’m open to whatever. They said that they would help me find someone here and will pray that I will find someone. Ha ha…
I am so blessed to be in this neighborhood again. I feel like because they knew P, they really care for us and don’t say very many inappropriate things that I have heard them say about other “janda”s. People still talk about P. The other day I went to the paint store to buy paint for our entertainment room and the owner wouldn’t stop talking about P. He was telling his workers how P would talk to him all the time and how he was such a nice guy. It was good to hear people remembering him and talking about him.
I started this to talk about people’s perspective on widows, don’t know if I really answered the question. I feel that I went all over the board, but hopefully it was somewhat answered. It is easier for me to be a widow both here and in the states because of the body of Christ. How they are committed to help the widow and the fatherless. I love how Bethel was committed to stand by us while we were in the states and now the body here has been incredible. They are texting me to make sure I’m okay, inviting me to things left and right, picking me up for small group and dropping me off, making sure A has fun and is being served as well. It is truly a blessing. I have embraced my widowhood and am taking it a day at a time to see what the Lord has for me.
Let me end with reminding us, the body of Christ, to pray for and reach out to the broken families. Pray for God’s divine intervention in those families, especially the ones in the church. Pray that God will be known in the lives of families. Pray for healing in the lives of broken families… whether here or there, people are trying to get rid of the pain, the hurt, the rejection with someone/something else… but that is not the answer… pray that they will see Jesus.
** I want to share how God is continuing to lead me in His word. So I finished Proverbs and Deuteronomy and praying on what I should read next. For some reason I went to Jude. I can’t even remember when the last time was that I read that book. Anyway, I read the book (it’s one chapter) and thought of how interesting it was, but wanted more out of it. Today I opened “Today in the Word” that my girls sent me in the package. No kidding the whole “Today n the Word” was devoted to 1, 2, 3, John and Jude, an in depth look on those letters and the topic of false teachings. I was so excited. Thanks girls for sending that. I can’t wait to see what I learn from these letters.**
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
packages, books and more
We got to packages the other day. It was like Christmas I told A. We opened one from the girls… It was incredible… thanks girls. A had just said a few days before how she wanted goldfish crackers and in the package was exactly that. I enjoy catching up on “news” from the magazines the girls sent. I am going to save my triscuits until my tummy is fully healed (I just started new antibiotics). A has been watching her “strawberry shortcake” movie nonstop. I had some recees peanut butter with a diet coke while I watched my movie… my birthday present fell out while I was getting everything out, so I started reading my book from KS... I love it. Then we opened our other package from Japan. Thanks AO and CO. A’s been having fun shaped rice with seasoning on it. She loves it. A ran to our helper to show her the fan she got… it was a great day to get so many things from people that love and care for us. Thanks everyone…
Yesterday my tutor couldn’t come, so I started a project. I was first going to hire someone, but then I thought that I could do it, so I asked my helper if she thought she could help me. So we are painting out entertainment room. We went down to the paint store, a two minute walk, and bought paint and paintbrushes and came home, cleared out the room and started painting. It is now 80% done. I really like it. My sheets and blankets are grey and white, so we’re doing a soft grey color. I looked at it today after painting and felt so proud and really liked it. I’m so excited about it.
So KS, sent me this book and I absolutely love it. I started yesterday and I have three chapters left. The book is “every woman’s battle”. Now I have to tell you, I have heard of this book before and I’ve even read the back a few times at bookstores, but I really don’t like reading hyped up books… you know the ones that everyone is reading. I’m really sorry I didn’t read it a long time ago. I know that “every man’s battle” was like bestseller for a long time for men. I would encourage every woman to pick up this book and read it. I think it really speaks to the hearts of women and what we struggle with, no holding back. I really like how honest the author is and how she brings scripture and real understandable scenarios into the chapters to make her point. I have read 80% of the book and I have to say that the scenarios were not foreign to me and felt God recommitting me to convictions I had and showing me new ones.
Shannon Ethridge is the author and she really sticks it to women that we sin as much as men do, but in different ways when it comes to sexual integrity. I was not surprised at the things she mentioned since P and I had lots of conversations about these kinds of things, but wow… it’s amazing still how true it is… how women may not “act”, but thoughts are always there.
Just want to share some quotes that I underlined…
• “Rarely do we understand the emotional progression of relationships before it’s too late and we’ve been sucked into an affair of the heart.” (p. 25)
• “In our culture we see nothing wrong with having close friends of the opposite sex. However, in biblical times a woman couldn’t remove the veil from her face for anyone other than her husband.” (p. 27)
• “… a woman of integrity: Her thoughts, words, emotions, and actions all reflect an inner beauty and sincere love for God, others and herself.” (p. 31)
• “God wants a close, intimate relationship with you. “ (p.43)
• “My experience has been that they way out is usually provided through an accountability friendship with another woman who can sympathize with my weakness and encourage me to stand firm in the face of battle.” (p. 46)
• “Once we reclaim this authority and stop submitting ourselves to a culture that is leading us astray, we can discover new levels of sexual integrity, enjoy genuine intimacy in marriage, and experience the satisfaction of our innermost desires through righteous relationships.” (p. 61)
• “No temptation becomes sin without our permission.” (p. 75)
• “The same God whose words possessed the power to form the entire universe longs to whisper into your hungry hearts words that have the power to thrill you, heal you, and draw you into a deeper love relationship than you ever imagined possible.” (p. 115)
Those are some quotes… this is a scenario that I really enjoyed reading… as it convicted me more on the convictions I already had.
• “Picture this scenario: You know that your neighbor is dieting to lose ten pounds before her wedding. You also know that, if she does not lose the weight, her dress will be too tight and she will feel uncomfortable on her big day. But you are a gourmet dessert chef and you crave the affirmation that you are a good cook, so you insist that your neighbor eat the pound cake and fudge and coconut cream pie samples that you bring over to her house every day. Are you acting lovingly or selfishly toward your neighbor?
Now consider this: You know that men are visually stimulated at the sight of a woman’s body, especially a scantily clad body. You are also aware that godly men are trying desperately to honor their wives by not allowing their eyes to stray. In light of this, if you insist on wearing clothes that reveal your sleek curves and tanned skin, are you acting lovingly or selfishly? This is a good thing to ask yourself each morning as you are getting dressed for the day. Rather than asking, “What man will I come across today and will this catch his eye?” try asking, “Would wearing this outfit be a loving expression, not causing my brothers to stumble and fall?”” (p. 119-120)
Like I said, the Lord has been so good at speaking right to my heart of things I need to surrender and things I need to turn away from. I feel like the Lord also affirms decisions I had made through His Word, but also through books like this.
I really think it is a good idea for women to read this and maybe even couples to get the version for their specific gender and read it together. I feel like in a world where society says so many things are okay, we really need to KNOW what God has to say about it. P always hugged people of the opposite sex with the “ministry hug”, the side by side hug. He told me about this when we dated and we didn’t even hug for a couple months… maybe even a few months, but when he hugged me, I knew I was something special, because it wasn’t the “ministry hug”. But although I got the special hug, P had boundaries drawn up for both of us as he made it known to me, to keep our sexual integrity right before each other, but mostly before God. I am so thankful for the godly example he was in our relationship before we were married and making sure that we both were right before the Lord as we related to one another. I have to say that he couldn’t have done this if he didn’t KNOW what the Lord expected from us before we were married. The truth of the matter is, you don’t KNOW unless you have a relationship with Him and dig into His word. God tells us what He allows and does not allow… It’s our job to check into it see what they are that we may grow in those areas.
Please keep us in our prayers. We had some humps with our visa process, but now we are good, I have all the papers and will take it in tomorrow. Please pray that it will go through smoothly and we will get the visas quickly.
Please pray for us as A has a runny nose and cough and as I am still getting over this stomach thing.
Please continue to pray for the people as a whole as they spend three more weeks in fasting.
Yesterday my tutor couldn’t come, so I started a project. I was first going to hire someone, but then I thought that I could do it, so I asked my helper if she thought she could help me. So we are painting out entertainment room. We went down to the paint store, a two minute walk, and bought paint and paintbrushes and came home, cleared out the room and started painting. It is now 80% done. I really like it. My sheets and blankets are grey and white, so we’re doing a soft grey color. I looked at it today after painting and felt so proud and really liked it. I’m so excited about it.
So KS, sent me this book and I absolutely love it. I started yesterday and I have three chapters left. The book is “every woman’s battle”. Now I have to tell you, I have heard of this book before and I’ve even read the back a few times at bookstores, but I really don’t like reading hyped up books… you know the ones that everyone is reading. I’m really sorry I didn’t read it a long time ago. I know that “every man’s battle” was like bestseller for a long time for men. I would encourage every woman to pick up this book and read it. I think it really speaks to the hearts of women and what we struggle with, no holding back. I really like how honest the author is and how she brings scripture and real understandable scenarios into the chapters to make her point. I have read 80% of the book and I have to say that the scenarios were not foreign to me and felt God recommitting me to convictions I had and showing me new ones.
Shannon Ethridge is the author and she really sticks it to women that we sin as much as men do, but in different ways when it comes to sexual integrity. I was not surprised at the things she mentioned since P and I had lots of conversations about these kinds of things, but wow… it’s amazing still how true it is… how women may not “act”, but thoughts are always there.
Just want to share some quotes that I underlined…
• “Rarely do we understand the emotional progression of relationships before it’s too late and we’ve been sucked into an affair of the heart.” (p. 25)
• “In our culture we see nothing wrong with having close friends of the opposite sex. However, in biblical times a woman couldn’t remove the veil from her face for anyone other than her husband.” (p. 27)
• “… a woman of integrity: Her thoughts, words, emotions, and actions all reflect an inner beauty and sincere love for God, others and herself.” (p. 31)
• “God wants a close, intimate relationship with you. “ (p.43)
• “My experience has been that they way out is usually provided through an accountability friendship with another woman who can sympathize with my weakness and encourage me to stand firm in the face of battle.” (p. 46)
• “Once we reclaim this authority and stop submitting ourselves to a culture that is leading us astray, we can discover new levels of sexual integrity, enjoy genuine intimacy in marriage, and experience the satisfaction of our innermost desires through righteous relationships.” (p. 61)
• “No temptation becomes sin without our permission.” (p. 75)
• “The same God whose words possessed the power to form the entire universe longs to whisper into your hungry hearts words that have the power to thrill you, heal you, and draw you into a deeper love relationship than you ever imagined possible.” (p. 115)
Those are some quotes… this is a scenario that I really enjoyed reading… as it convicted me more on the convictions I already had.
• “Picture this scenario: You know that your neighbor is dieting to lose ten pounds before her wedding. You also know that, if she does not lose the weight, her dress will be too tight and she will feel uncomfortable on her big day. But you are a gourmet dessert chef and you crave the affirmation that you are a good cook, so you insist that your neighbor eat the pound cake and fudge and coconut cream pie samples that you bring over to her house every day. Are you acting lovingly or selfishly toward your neighbor?
Now consider this: You know that men are visually stimulated at the sight of a woman’s body, especially a scantily clad body. You are also aware that godly men are trying desperately to honor their wives by not allowing their eyes to stray. In light of this, if you insist on wearing clothes that reveal your sleek curves and tanned skin, are you acting lovingly or selfishly? This is a good thing to ask yourself each morning as you are getting dressed for the day. Rather than asking, “What man will I come across today and will this catch his eye?” try asking, “Would wearing this outfit be a loving expression, not causing my brothers to stumble and fall?”” (p. 119-120)
Like I said, the Lord has been so good at speaking right to my heart of things I need to surrender and things I need to turn away from. I feel like the Lord also affirms decisions I had made through His Word, but also through books like this.
I really think it is a good idea for women to read this and maybe even couples to get the version for their specific gender and read it together. I feel like in a world where society says so many things are okay, we really need to KNOW what God has to say about it. P always hugged people of the opposite sex with the “ministry hug”, the side by side hug. He told me about this when we dated and we didn’t even hug for a couple months… maybe even a few months, but when he hugged me, I knew I was something special, because it wasn’t the “ministry hug”. But although I got the special hug, P had boundaries drawn up for both of us as he made it known to me, to keep our sexual integrity right before each other, but mostly before God. I am so thankful for the godly example he was in our relationship before we were married and making sure that we both were right before the Lord as we related to one another. I have to say that he couldn’t have done this if he didn’t KNOW what the Lord expected from us before we were married. The truth of the matter is, you don’t KNOW unless you have a relationship with Him and dig into His word. God tells us what He allows and does not allow… It’s our job to check into it see what they are that we may grow in those areas.
Please keep us in our prayers. We had some humps with our visa process, but now we are good, I have all the papers and will take it in tomorrow. Please pray that it will go through smoothly and we will get the visas quickly.
Please pray for us as A has a runny nose and cough and as I am still getting over this stomach thing.
Please continue to pray for the people as a whole as they spend three more weeks in fasting.
Monday, August 24, 2009
forget...
sometimes you forget things and then it happens again and you remember... ha ha. day three of ramadan... i've been here two times for ramadan and you would think you remember what goes on, but nope you forget... and now i remember. i forgot that during this month, people not only give up food, but they don't drink for all those hours and are not even supposed to swallow their saliva. they are to spit out their saliva. i totally forgot about that. and the one thing they give up that i actually love about this month is smoking. people smoke here nonstop, on the street, in the homes, in public transportation... ugh... but i remembered today that they don't smoke as i went out to run some errands and i loved it.
there is a saying that people say here, which i didn't believe, but who knows... people say every year the month of ramadan is the hottest month of the year. at first i thought... that's silly, it changes every year which month it is, but it is really hot here. and i remember the first ramadan we had was right after we got here and we were sweating bullets (actually P and A were). then yesterday a couple believing friends said that it was true that since they could remember, the month of ramadan has been the hottest.
all this makes me think of ephesians 2:8-9 "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."
please pray for the next month, until september 21, for this nation, a peoples working for their salvation, but never sure if they made it. pray for truth to touch these peoples.
there is a saying that people say here, which i didn't believe, but who knows... people say every year the month of ramadan is the hottest month of the year. at first i thought... that's silly, it changes every year which month it is, but it is really hot here. and i remember the first ramadan we had was right after we got here and we were sweating bullets (actually P and A were). then yesterday a couple believing friends said that it was true that since they could remember, the month of ramadan has been the hottest.
all this makes me think of ephesians 2:8-9 "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."
please pray for the next month, until september 21, for this nation, a peoples working for their salvation, but never sure if they made it. pray for truth to touch these peoples.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
it started already...
yesterday was the start of ramadan. it has been such a blessing being with my family in the neighborhood. even though they know that i follow Jesus, they brought over dinner of us for the first opening of fast. it was quite eventful. at three in the morning i heard people knocking on doors to wake each other up to eat before the first call to prayer. then around 6, families gathered in their home to open their fasting with sweet drinks and good food.
my flu is finally going away still not 100%, but getting there. friday after feeling better about my flu, my stomach issue started again and i was wasted by friday night. so finally saturday i went to the doctor and got medicine for my stomach. the stomach has been like an ongoing thing and i think when i had the flu, since i wasn't eating much, there was no reason to run to the bathroom, but once i started feeling better... anyway, praying that the stomach issue will be done soon and i'll be 100% myself in the next couple days.
today i was out on my porch and my friend, N came over. we sat and talked. she told me that about a burglary two houses away from mine. the family had gone to relative's house out of the city and someone came in and took money, a gas tank (that's really important here), food and some other things. N said, "it started already". please pray over our house. please pray that no one will come in here and that A and i will be safe. it started already.
please just continue to pray for us here as a new week begins.
my flu is finally going away still not 100%, but getting there. friday after feeling better about my flu, my stomach issue started again and i was wasted by friday night. so finally saturday i went to the doctor and got medicine for my stomach. the stomach has been like an ongoing thing and i think when i had the flu, since i wasn't eating much, there was no reason to run to the bathroom, but once i started feeling better... anyway, praying that the stomach issue will be done soon and i'll be 100% myself in the next couple days.
today i was out on my porch and my friend, N came over. we sat and talked. she told me that about a burglary two houses away from mine. the family had gone to relative's house out of the city and someone came in and took money, a gas tank (that's really important here), food and some other things. N said, "it started already". please pray over our house. please pray that no one will come in here and that A and i will be safe. it started already.
please just continue to pray for us here as a new week begins.
Friday, August 21, 2009
shower of blessings
this morning i was feeling better, but not like i do now. praise the Lord. but as i was laying in my room chatting with some friends online, i heard a knock on my bedroom door. i knew it was my helper since A was at school, but my head was stuffy this morning, so i was confused when i got to the door and no one was there. i thought i was hearing things... but just to make sure i looked out a little from the door and around the corner where i heard voices. my helper had knocked on my door on the way to answer our front door. there were like 10 women plus children at our door. i looked bad... i mean come on sick for five days in pajamas... they had not seen me in days, heard i was sick and gathered money to bring me a goody bag (fruit). i was so touched, but wished i was dressed better. they all came in shaking my hand and kissing my cheeks. inside i was thinking i shouldn't do that in fear they would catch what i have, but i know that they don't think of things like that, so i kissed all 10 or so women's cheeks and greeted them. they all sat down, but i kept coughing so they only stayed a few minutes then told me to get lots of rest. i felt so blessed. and as they left we all shook hands and kissed cheeks again. ha ha... praying none of them get it.
i have been feeling good little by little all day. praying tomorrow will be a new day!!!
i have been feeling good little by little all day. praying tomorrow will be a new day!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
a week
i feel i haven't been this sick in forever. i have been in bed all week and everyday i thought it would get better and instead it kept getting worse. yesterday i feel was the worst. today i'm not good, but better than yesterday for sure. last saturday we went out with a few families and seven out of all that went have been sick this week, including me. i'm so glad A is okay. please pray for quick healing. again i'm feeling better today than yesterday. yesterday a friend, FN, brought me medicine and i'm pretty sure that's helping a lot right now. also SG blessed us yesterday by taking A out swimming. A enjoyed her time with her aunt S. thanks girls for taking care of us.
i'm actually pretty sad because this week i had some pretty cool opportunities with different people and i had to cancel all of them due to being sick. i was sad and almost forced myself to do it, but realized that's not glorifying God. God wants us to take care of our bodies. so as sad as it is, i pray those opportunities will come up again.
when i would get sick like this, P would take such good care of me. he would make soup and bring it to me in bed. he would get magazines for me to read. P was always so thoughtful. have missed him a lot this week. not just so he could take care of me, but A too. times when i'm sick was times daddy and A dates were more exciting. last night A said, "mommy i wish daddy was here." i think she feels he should take care of us too and not her having to take care of me. A had it rough this week. in the beginning i think she was a little scared that i was sick. then she started to take care of me... she's really sweet. she put her hand on my head and prayed for me to feel better. this is her prayer, "thank you God for mommy to feel better. in Jesus name. amen." ha ha i love it.
please continue to lift up our health. i really pray A doesn't get it.
also please pray the whole month of ramadan. i'm not sure if the position of the sun changed or what, but it was supposed to start today (friday), but have changed it to tomorrow. tonight, families will have their last meal before fasting together. usually a big deal. some people travel to see extended family. this is an important month... please pray!!!
i'm actually pretty sad because this week i had some pretty cool opportunities with different people and i had to cancel all of them due to being sick. i was sad and almost forced myself to do it, but realized that's not glorifying God. God wants us to take care of our bodies. so as sad as it is, i pray those opportunities will come up again.
when i would get sick like this, P would take such good care of me. he would make soup and bring it to me in bed. he would get magazines for me to read. P was always so thoughtful. have missed him a lot this week. not just so he could take care of me, but A too. times when i'm sick was times daddy and A dates were more exciting. last night A said, "mommy i wish daddy was here." i think she feels he should take care of us too and not her having to take care of me. A had it rough this week. in the beginning i think she was a little scared that i was sick. then she started to take care of me... she's really sweet. she put her hand on my head and prayed for me to feel better. this is her prayer, "thank you God for mommy to feel better. in Jesus name. amen." ha ha i love it.
please continue to lift up our health. i really pray A doesn't get it.
also please pray the whole month of ramadan. i'm not sure if the position of the sun changed or what, but it was supposed to start today (friday), but have changed it to tomorrow. tonight, families will have their last meal before fasting together. usually a big deal. some people travel to see extended family. this is an important month... please pray!!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
stuffy
well, since independence day, i've been sick. have the flu as people call it here. i was so tired and stuffed up for two days. today i finally got a runny nose. anyway, poor A has been deprived of mommy for a few days. during the day she is either playing with her friends, our helper or at school. i couldn't even take her to school today. it was sad. she cried. but i saved up enough energy to pick her up, but i was pooped after that. i don't have a fever but feel hot and it's not the weather. last night i had the chills and i haven't felt that in a long time... like five years.
tomorrow we were supposed to get some passport work done, but i don't think i could go, so we are going to reschedule for next week. it'll be better since i could then play with A afterward.
please pray that it'll be gone soon this flu. it takes a lot of energy to be sick. i think this is the first time since being here that i missed P so much. i just wanted someone to be able to take care of A as i was laying in bed. please pray for A as i think she associates being sick with going to heaven. she seemed nervous when i said i was sick. please pray for her little heart.
i've had some good talks this past week with a few of my friends. i'm really excited to share that my life is the way it is because of God. i love explaining how i understand that P's death did not take God off guard and that He loves me just as much. one lady said that this house is my "jodoh", which means soulmate. i told her it's because God provided. i also got to share a little about heaven and how sure i was that P was there and that A can't wait to go there and see Jesus and daddy.
one of my friends (AH) told me how me just being here was going to speak volumes to people... thanks for saying that because although i'm nothing, i'm really glad the Lord is using me in this way to show His glory to the people around me. my prayer is that i could be used for His glory to speak volumes to people.
this is kind of a scattered blog... please understand my brain is stuffed with a cold ha ha..
love you all and miss you tons!!!
tomorrow we were supposed to get some passport work done, but i don't think i could go, so we are going to reschedule for next week. it'll be better since i could then play with A afterward.
please pray that it'll be gone soon this flu. it takes a lot of energy to be sick. i think this is the first time since being here that i missed P so much. i just wanted someone to be able to take care of A as i was laying in bed. please pray for A as i think she associates being sick with going to heaven. she seemed nervous when i said i was sick. please pray for her little heart.
i've had some good talks this past week with a few of my friends. i'm really excited to share that my life is the way it is because of God. i love explaining how i understand that P's death did not take God off guard and that He loves me just as much. one lady said that this house is my "jodoh", which means soulmate. i told her it's because God provided. i also got to share a little about heaven and how sure i was that P was there and that A can't wait to go there and see Jesus and daddy.
one of my friends (AH) told me how me just being here was going to speak volumes to people... thanks for saying that because although i'm nothing, i'm really glad the Lord is using me in this way to show His glory to the people around me. my prayer is that i could be used for His glory to speak volumes to people.
this is kind of a scattered blog... please understand my brain is stuffed with a cold ha ha..
love you all and miss you tons!!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Hari Kemerdekaan
** a few of the girls that performed tonight**
** A on a motorcycle with her friends after dinner**
** kids getting coins out of papaya with their mouth. papaya covered with car oil**
**A sponge painting with her friends**
Today was our country’s independence day. I was pretty sad in the morning when I found out they weren’t going to do the flag ceremony. Two years ago when we were here for the Independence Day, in the morning they had a parade that took us to this area’s outdoor theatre (Dago Tea House). Then they would do a flag ceremony. This year they did not, which meant the morning was boring… as so I thought it would be. As soon as I heard that the ceremony was not going to happen, I prayed that the Lord would open doors. A friend invited us over for dinner soon after. That was exciting. A and I headed home where like six kids followed home. All the girls wanted to come in and play house with A. I only let girls into the house to play, so like 6 girls came in and played house with A while I had my QT. That was a blessing. Later, like two hours later, there were only 3 girls A’s age here, so I got out sponge paint. The girls loved it. They painted picture after picture and was so proud to take it home. A and I had lunch. I put A to sleep and then I caught up on some e-mail, when I went to lay down, I remembered the laundry I had put in the wash, which I had to hang. So as I was putting the laundry up, A woke up with the biggest smile on her face. We then headed down to the big street where tons of kids were gathered to have races. It was so fun to watch. Games I had never seen before and I thought if it even would be legal in the states… one was sticking coins in a papaya and putting car oil all over it… the kids then had to pull it out with their teeth, no hands… it was quite amusing, but I thought some of them looked sick afterward. A had a great time and by the time it was done, she wanted to join. Ha ha…
After games, again a group of kids followed us home… boys playing on our porch with blocks, animals and swinging on the jungle gym… girls in the house playing house. It was fun. A’s language is getting so good, I smile when I hear her talking to her friends.
We did go to my friends’ for dinner and had good conversations with two ladies from my neighborhood. It was really a good evening.
It ended with an event down at the college near our house (3 minute walk). Lots of people volunteer to do something on stage, dance, sing, play music, etc. and we go to watch. A loved it. I couldn’t really explain to her what it was, so I told her it was a big party all our friends will be at… and surely enough all our friends were there and we had a blast.
It’s a little after 9:30 at night and I just put A to bed. It was quite a full day.
Please pray for me as I feel a cold coming on. I’ve actually been feeling it for a while, but tonight I can’t seem to stop coughing. I just don’t want to be sick again. Just got over my stomach thing, in which I'm still not 100%, but much better. Pray for A too. I couldn’t stop coughing and her nose wouldn’t stop running. Ha ha… it’s bound to happen I guess since it’s going on. Actually a school had to close for the week because half the students were absent because of the flu. So… please pray for safety.
Also this Friday is the start of Ramadan. A few posts back, I wrote about it… please keep this nation in prayer for this month particularly… and pray for A and me and the believers here… it is a spiritual battle everyday anyway… how much more if a whole nation is fasting. Pray for spiritual strength.
We will be traveling Thursday to get more pages in our passport. We were initially going to stay the night at a hotel, but a friend is going to help out with transport. Please pray for safe travel and quick process. It’s for both A and me.
Thanks for your continual prayer and support.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
14
Today has been 14 months since P went to be with the Lord. It’s only been 14 months and like I’ve said before, it seems like ages ago. I wonder what it feels like in heaven… I mean what days feels like. I wonder if he knows it’s been that long. I wonder if he knows when my time is going to be up and he’s counting down days for that. :) When I was pregnant with A, P’s mom got us this baby countdown timer and it would tell you how many days were left. We used that for other things after A was born, like my birthday, P’s birthday, Christmas, and how many days were left to leave the country. Wonder if he has a gadget like that. :)
Last night I was reading this journal that P and I were writing for A. We started the day we found out we were pregnant. I have to say P has only like 5 entries and the rest of the pages are mine. It was so good to read.
I can’t believe it’s 14 months… it hit me last night when I was journaling… I wrote the date and thought wow…
The Lord’s been good and faithful.
Last night I was reading this journal that P and I were writing for A. We started the day we found out we were pregnant. I have to say P has only like 5 entries and the rest of the pages are mine. It was so good to read.
I can’t believe it’s 14 months… it hit me last night when I was journaling… I wrote the date and thought wow…
The Lord’s been good and faithful.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
cool happenings
**this is called the "flying fox" child version. they sit on this and fly over to the other side. i'm blanking on what we call it in the states.**
**the family we rode with to the outdoor experience.**
**my helper burning the ants's nest**
this week for the first time since i've been here i couldn't believe that another week has gone. maybe i'm finally into a scheduled routine, i'm not sure, but friday as i walked A to school i thought how i thought it wasn't so long ago that i was doing that very thing on a friday. i don't even know if that makes sense, but it was a new feeling this week.
A went swimming with her school on wednesday and loved it. they asked if i would like to join, but i know my girl... if i would go with, she would not swim and she loves to swim. the teacher said she did great. they go once a month.
so the really cool thing, but kind of gross is i've been getting some work done in the house. i've been fixing some broken things in the house and kind of renovating the house a little, nothing big. so the man came to work on the house on monday and wednesday. wednesday i asked the man to take down the stairs to our "attic" in our entertainment room. P and i had talked about it before and it never happened. finally i had the man take it down. anyway... he's like making all this noise in the room and working hard to take it down. the last thing he needed to take down was the platform on the top of the staircase... as soon as he started to get it off the wall... all these big black ants started calling out... it first started out with one here and there and then they kept falling down... hundreds of them. i was whacking them with my shoe, my helper got a broom while the poor man was getting covered by them and then the helper came in with newspaper on fire out of nowhere. i was surprised, but she said that we had to burn them... as soon as the platform was removed, the man handed it to my helper from the ladder and she ran out with it... under the platform was an ants' nest... of course then she started putting the nest on fire... i have never seen so many ants... and it was kind of fun i have to say to get rid of the source. who knew it was even under there... so that was a very adventurous day. ha ha...
i came here with two packs of pull-ups for A. she only uses them at night. thursday night i used my last one. on friday, i decided we were not going to buy anymore pull-ups, instead i went to the store and bought a mattress cover and last night she went to bed without a pull-up on. i heard that before i go to bed, i should take her to the bathroom, so that's what i did. then at like 4 in the morning she came to my room, i took her potty and then put her back to bed. she was dry all night. tonight we will do the same... hopefully she'll succeed. i promised her candy if she wakes up dry!!! (sorry to grandpa who will have to fix her teeth later... ha ha)
today A and i went out with some friends here in town. it was so much fun. four different families went to this outdoor adventure play place and the kids had so much fun. A loved being with kids around her age... she was sweating so much. it was good to be with other families and just enjoy each other... thanks CW for arranging that. we had a blast. going to try to put a few pictures up...
please pray for a few things...
* A and i have to go to the embassy this week for passport reasons... keep that in mind this week. pray for safe travels and fast service. we will leave wednesday afternoon stay at a hotel and do our passport things on thursday. i heard it's a real easy process.
* visa process to be in God's perfect timing.
* the important days, mentioned a few blogs previous are coming up. please keep praying for that.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Good or Bad?
When A was sick, I would pray that her tummy would get better so her poops would be good and not bad. So these past few days, A has been asking if my poops are good or bad. The first time I got to say it was good, A said, “remember mommy, I prayed yesterday and now your poopies are good.” I praise the Lord that she could make that connection already and that she wants to pray when people are sick. How great is that.
A is also three, so she’s been trying her limits and asking questions or complains instead of just obeying. It’s been a struggle for me because I have to continually follow through with consequences and it’s a struggle for A because she wants to do what she wants. Just yesterday after about a week of both of us striving to do our part… me in teaching and disciplining and A in obeying… A obeyed without question or complaint. I was so proud of her and awarded her immediately. I wish I could have taken a picture of her smile. I told her how proud I was, but how much more Jesus was proud of her for obeying mommy. She just beamed. Today has been good. Praying that each day, we both would get better at obeying… A obeying me, which will later help her to obey Christ, and me in obeying Christ daily.
Ever since P died, I learned the importance of teaching A where our real home is. Not just because P died, but because we live in a different country from all our friends and family, to even me it is confusing where our home is. I remember talking on the phone with AB one time and AB reminded me that our home here is temporary and our home is in heaven. I knew that truth, but when I myself was struggling with it after P died, it was such a great reminder. So now, if you ask A where her home is, she’ll say “dago pojok”, but then when you ask where her real home is, she’ll say heaven.
I don’t think many kids her age get the concept of heaven. I don’t even know if A gets the whole concept even though we talk about it a ton, but not many kids her age have a parent there which makes it so much more real for her.
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I’ve been feeling much better. Yesterday and today my poopies have been good, ha ha… and I’m eating. The flu is going on around here due to the change in seasons. (You may think that the temperature has changed tremendously, but it’s only a few degrees. Here that makes a huge difference and people get sick like in the winter in the states.) So I think that I’m coming down with that right now… Please continue to pray for health both for me and A.
So after I wrote my unexpected testimony few posts back, I’ve thinking a lot of what I learned throughout this past 14 months or so… I hate to admit this, but I feel for a long time, I was such a lukewarm believer and follower of Christ. I did what I needed to just for the basics, but never dug down deep. I went to church, but man church once a week doesn’t do it. I served in the church teaching and leading, but man was I so unqualified. In revelations it says that if you are lukewarm, the Lord will spit you out!!! You either be hot or cold… you either be of the world or be a believer and follower of Christ… you need to let your yes be yes and your no be no… there is no middle grounds in following Christ.
I mentioned before I am reading “The Pursuit of Holiness” by Jerry Bridges. Please if you haven’t read it, go read it and if you have read it again, especially if it’s been a while, read it again. God calls each of us to be holy. The author says that to be holy you need to obey. I don’t want to butcher what he said, but I so want to be holy… He talks about having discipline in order to be holy and we need to discipline ourselves to know His word in order to follow it… we need to read, listen, study, memorize and meditate on His word daily…
I sigh thinking of the years I wasted on earthly things, desires, fun when ugh life could have been so much richer if only I followed the words I was reading. The thing is… I can’t dwell on that. The Lord is wanting me to live a life holy surrendered to Him… so what’s important is what I’m doing NOW to do it. Yes years have been wasted, but to not waste anymore… The other thing is that what Satan meant for bad, I will use it to glorify God. I am a sinner, but through the blood of Jesus I am renewed… I have died to the cross and therefore am a new creation. How beautiful is that.
On the way to A’s school, there is a little pond that we pass. We noticed the other day a huge group of tadpoles (are they called a school?). We sat and watched them for a while and I explained to A that those were called tadpoles, but soon they will be frogs or toads (I couldn’t tell what they were). I tried to explain to her that as we get to know Jesus more and more that we will change like that too. So now every time we go to school, we try to see how much they have grown.
I pray that the Lord will awaken the church (not the building, but the group of believers who get together to worship the Lord however many there are) to not be so lukewarm and to not be content with being lukewarm. I was with a friend the other day and we were talking about just that. She was crying wanting so much for the people of God to not be satisfied with what is going on in and out of the church, including herself and me. I hear her heart and I think that was the heart of Paul when he wrote to the different cities. Reading each of those books, I see the areas the Lord wants to grow me… every time I read it. I am a work in progress, but I want to keep pursuing a life holy surrendered to the Lord because that has meaning in life and nothing else has meaning.
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Please pray for us… health and safety for everyday. Please pray for quick process of the visa. Thank you for your constant prayers and encouragement. We couldn’t do what we do if you weren’t behind us. Thanks for being a part of our family from near and far.
A is also three, so she’s been trying her limits and asking questions or complains instead of just obeying. It’s been a struggle for me because I have to continually follow through with consequences and it’s a struggle for A because she wants to do what she wants. Just yesterday after about a week of both of us striving to do our part… me in teaching and disciplining and A in obeying… A obeyed without question or complaint. I was so proud of her and awarded her immediately. I wish I could have taken a picture of her smile. I told her how proud I was, but how much more Jesus was proud of her for obeying mommy. She just beamed. Today has been good. Praying that each day, we both would get better at obeying… A obeying me, which will later help her to obey Christ, and me in obeying Christ daily.
Ever since P died, I learned the importance of teaching A where our real home is. Not just because P died, but because we live in a different country from all our friends and family, to even me it is confusing where our home is. I remember talking on the phone with AB one time and AB reminded me that our home here is temporary and our home is in heaven. I knew that truth, but when I myself was struggling with it after P died, it was such a great reminder. So now, if you ask A where her home is, she’ll say “dago pojok”, but then when you ask where her real home is, she’ll say heaven.
I don’t think many kids her age get the concept of heaven. I don’t even know if A gets the whole concept even though we talk about it a ton, but not many kids her age have a parent there which makes it so much more real for her.
______________________________________________________________________________________
I’ve been feeling much better. Yesterday and today my poopies have been good, ha ha… and I’m eating. The flu is going on around here due to the change in seasons. (You may think that the temperature has changed tremendously, but it’s only a few degrees. Here that makes a huge difference and people get sick like in the winter in the states.) So I think that I’m coming down with that right now… Please continue to pray for health both for me and A.
So after I wrote my unexpected testimony few posts back, I’ve thinking a lot of what I learned throughout this past 14 months or so… I hate to admit this, but I feel for a long time, I was such a lukewarm believer and follower of Christ. I did what I needed to just for the basics, but never dug down deep. I went to church, but man church once a week doesn’t do it. I served in the church teaching and leading, but man was I so unqualified. In revelations it says that if you are lukewarm, the Lord will spit you out!!! You either be hot or cold… you either be of the world or be a believer and follower of Christ… you need to let your yes be yes and your no be no… there is no middle grounds in following Christ.
I mentioned before I am reading “The Pursuit of Holiness” by Jerry Bridges. Please if you haven’t read it, go read it and if you have read it again, especially if it’s been a while, read it again. God calls each of us to be holy. The author says that to be holy you need to obey. I don’t want to butcher what he said, but I so want to be holy… He talks about having discipline in order to be holy and we need to discipline ourselves to know His word in order to follow it… we need to read, listen, study, memorize and meditate on His word daily…
I sigh thinking of the years I wasted on earthly things, desires, fun when ugh life could have been so much richer if only I followed the words I was reading. The thing is… I can’t dwell on that. The Lord is wanting me to live a life holy surrendered to Him… so what’s important is what I’m doing NOW to do it. Yes years have been wasted, but to not waste anymore… The other thing is that what Satan meant for bad, I will use it to glorify God. I am a sinner, but through the blood of Jesus I am renewed… I have died to the cross and therefore am a new creation. How beautiful is that.
On the way to A’s school, there is a little pond that we pass. We noticed the other day a huge group of tadpoles (are they called a school?). We sat and watched them for a while and I explained to A that those were called tadpoles, but soon they will be frogs or toads (I couldn’t tell what they were). I tried to explain to her that as we get to know Jesus more and more that we will change like that too. So now every time we go to school, we try to see how much they have grown.
I pray that the Lord will awaken the church (not the building, but the group of believers who get together to worship the Lord however many there are) to not be so lukewarm and to not be content with being lukewarm. I was with a friend the other day and we were talking about just that. She was crying wanting so much for the people of God to not be satisfied with what is going on in and out of the church, including herself and me. I hear her heart and I think that was the heart of Paul when he wrote to the different cities. Reading each of those books, I see the areas the Lord wants to grow me… every time I read it. I am a work in progress, but I want to keep pursuing a life holy surrendered to the Lord because that has meaning in life and nothing else has meaning.
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Please pray for us… health and safety for everyday. Please pray for quick process of the visa. Thank you for your constant prayers and encouragement. We couldn’t do what we do if you weren’t behind us. Thanks for being a part of our family from near and far.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
fish and rice
today i am feeling much better. actually had breakfast and lunch. pretty good huh? ha ha... well today for lunch our helper made something fabulous. we had fish and veggies. ha ha... really nothing fancy, but one thing i love is when i was little my mom would pick all the bones out of the fish and put it on top of my rice, rice that i put in cold water. so today i put cold water in my rice bowl and put fish on top of it. but then i started to laugh because when i told P about this, he thought it was so cool. of course he never did anything like that growing up, so when we had fish, he would say, "you know you want to put water in there..." and would put fish on my rice after i had put water on my rice. ha ha... so i thought of that today while having lunch and smiled. my tummy is better and i had a good meal. enjoying the simple things in life. praise God.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
not a post i expected
Saturday after sitting in the house for two days sick and feeling blah, I took A out to retail therapy. There some things we needed and wanted, so I took the morning to spend some time with her and enjoy the energy I had. We went to a factory outlet her e in town. The first thing we did was grab a snack and afterward went inside to get some clothes that I needed. This particular place that we went to (Rumah Mode) has a good play area outdoors, so I promised A that if she was patient while I shopped, then we would play there. She did an excellent job, so I let her play for like 40 minutes. While A played, I started forming tears in my eyes remembering P playing with her in that exact play area. I remember how he would help her climb to the top of the very big slide and I would catch her at the bottom. It was something I didn’t think would be a big deal, but it was pretty emotional. Seeing how big she got since the last time we were there… she didn’t need anyone’s help anymore. A was all over the place by herself. When she was done playing, I told her how when she was little her daddy would play with her there and she smiled.
After putting A down for bed, I was prompted to have a sermon time. I was kind of hesitant. P and I would on most Sundays put in a John Piper sermon and have church the two of us. So when the Lord prompted me to put in a sermon, I prayed and asked him to get me through it, knowing it was a first.
I put in a sermon series on suffering and picked a message from Steve Saint. For those of you who don’t know who he is, Steve is Nick Saint’s son. Nick Saint was a missionary to South America and was martyred along with four of his friends by the very people Steve now calls family. I cried almost the whole message. Three things stuck out to me as Steve spoke.
1. The only sure way to maturity is through suffering. (Steve wrote this himself when he was younger)
2. Suffering is the one thing that people try to keep themselves from, but God says there will be suffering to develop our faith. (James 1:2-3)
3. People who have pain want to be ministered by people who have scars.
Pretty good things to think about huh? But there were two things he said that I have said before…
1. Even if we could go back and change things, we wouldn’t. Steve said that about his father’s death and his daughter’s death. I had P’s death. God is too good… What’s He’s been revealing to me these almost 14 months have been the richest months of my life. Yes it is hard, but I know that He is building my character and my faith.
2. This story is not our story. It is all God. He is the author… we are just characters of His grand story… and Steve said, all the chapters won’t make sense until we see the final chapter, not til then will we understand the previous chapters.
Events like the martyrdom of five young men and a death of my P at the age of 29 and babies dying before reaching 24 hours are all in God’s sovereign plan. I still have days like today, where things remind me of P and I still have firsts… but even though my eyes are full of tears, my heart is full of joy that my Lord has brought me this far. I look forward to what He has in store for me.
You see, because we sin, our punishment is the wrath of God. (Get John Piper’s series on Romans to understand this) BUT in His goodness, He had a plan to send His Son, to pay the price of our sins. That price is death. If it ended like that, it wouldn’t be so great, but Jesus, God’s son, did not only die for us, but He conquered death for us and three days later rose from the death. I’m no theologian nor am I a scholar to explain this in a fabulous way.
The thing is this… I am a sinner and I need God.
I grew up in a Christian home with great godly parents, but God to me was something I had to do. I had to go to church. I had to read the Bible. I had to do family Bible studies. I had to… I knew not God for myself, but that He was mom and dad’s and all I do was follow. There came a time in my life, August 11, 1993 when I for the first time realized that wasn’t good enough. This God thing had to be mine. So that day at a retreat, I gave my life to Christ for myself for the first time. I remember my parents and sister saying how they really saw me grow those years. I had a phenomenal youth pastor and I was excited to read my bible and go to church. I wanted to be with people and encourage them in their walk, though still young in my faith. Yet there still was something missing. I still felt a little empty and had low self esteem. In later years, I realized that it was Satan telling me Jesus was not enough, when actually He is all I need.
I started dating my junior year of high school. (If I have a rule for A it is definitely waiting til sophomore year college to date.) I wasn’t ready for dating. Too emotionally young at that age. My boyfriend became my idol in life that fulfilled that emptiness and carried me away from the Lord. We tried to spend all our time together and when I got to college, to the school he was going, we practically did spend all our time together. I was not walking with the Lord and I had the freedom to do what I wanted. Growing up in the home that I did, I stuck to certain guidelines, thinking that was being godly. Boy was I far from wrong.
The Lord brought some pretty difficult situations into my life the first year and a half of college, including the break up with that boyfriend. All those situations, now I see were God nudging me to come back to Him. And in the end, He took what I held as my god in my life… boyfriend.
It would have been nice if I took His nudging and went straight to him, but instead I started hanging out with friends that enjoyed college life. For the first time I set foot into a bar and went to clubs. It was fun, but really empty. I was filling my life with friends, drinking (not like let’s get drunk every night drinking, but Friday night fun), and dancing. That lasted about four months and then I was done. It got boring really quickly and I wanted more. So what did I do… I went to church. I was going almost every week before that, going to church Friday nights and going to drink with the same friends, but this time I really wanted commit to this. I missed my days of really enjoying fellowship with God and other believers.
I began going to Friday bible studies and not joining my friends afterward. I began going on Sundays and going back to my apartment. I then started going to morning prayer services that were at 5:30 am every morning. I began enjoying my bible again, although it still seemed like a chore (something God worked in my heart over the next few years). I loved listening to praise music and would spend most of my paychecks on buying CDs. The Lord started restoring me. I spent many mornings during my morning prayer service repenting for all the “fun” I had. I wanted to get back with the Lord and wanted to grow. He did… I wasn’t empty anymore. God started to fill my heart with Him and I didn’t have to find other things to fill that with, like I had been doing…
In the years following the Lord lead me to different opportunities to serve Him and grew me a ton.
I am a sinner. I was when I disobeyed my parents at age 2… I was when I lied to my parents in 4th grade... I was when I beat up boys in school… I was when I picked on kids in junior high… I was when I judged people in high school… I was when I neglected God in college… I was when I deceived people to think I was a good kid.. I was when I would fight with P… I am now when I lose my temper with A and when I find myself wasting time on unimportant things. My consequence for all this that I did and do is death, BUT my Savior, Jesus Christ, has paid that price for me… I don’t have to do anything but follow Him now and I do that by listening to His spirit that lives inside of me. I have to daily pray and read the word to be in tune with that spirit who longs to tell me what the Lord has for me… But is such joy to be in that relationship with HIM.
I am a sinner. P was a sinner. A is a sinner. We are all sinners. We all need a Savior. The God who created this universe had in His plan when He started it all, to sacrifice His son as our Savior, so why would I think that if He had Jesus’ death all planned that He wouldn’t have P’s death planned? This is what Steve Saint said about his father’s death. Pretty profound huh? Makes you go hmmmm~
Wow I didn’t mean to tell my whole life story. Ha ha... of course I didn’t put all the details in, I’d have to write a book then. I just wanted to point out that we all need a Savior and that God is Sovereign in all He does, even in suffering, whatever your suffering may be. Let Him grow you and build your faith in that suffering that it may bring glory to Him.
When P first died, I was led to Acts. I read it and would laugh at the apostles when they would come out from jail after being beaten, raising their hands to praise God asking for more. I just laughed at how ridiculous that was, but I also prayed that I would have faith like them through this experience. I know if there was a scale of faith, I’d still be not so high up, but I do know that I am experiencing God in such a new way through this experience of suffering. Now I feel it as a blessing… to have known such a godly man and had the honor to call him my husband… what a blessing. I am for sure going to see my P again. I can’t wait til I do, but til then, I will follow hard after the One that is going before me and leading a path for me to follow. Jesus said that our life is going to have suffering… I know this is not my last suffering… there already have been little ones and I know there are more to come, but as in John 16:33… I take heart… Jesus has overcome the world. Come what may… I will not be shaken.
**Please pray for health. I feel much better, but still not 100%. Please pray for our helper and her husband. Haven’t heard much, but praying the Lord will heal him. Pray for me friend… she’s been in the hospital several days with dengue fever. Doing a little better, but still needs lots of rest and numbers need to go up.**
After putting A down for bed, I was prompted to have a sermon time. I was kind of hesitant. P and I would on most Sundays put in a John Piper sermon and have church the two of us. So when the Lord prompted me to put in a sermon, I prayed and asked him to get me through it, knowing it was a first.
I put in a sermon series on suffering and picked a message from Steve Saint. For those of you who don’t know who he is, Steve is Nick Saint’s son. Nick Saint was a missionary to South America and was martyred along with four of his friends by the very people Steve now calls family. I cried almost the whole message. Three things stuck out to me as Steve spoke.
1. The only sure way to maturity is through suffering. (Steve wrote this himself when he was younger)
2. Suffering is the one thing that people try to keep themselves from, but God says there will be suffering to develop our faith. (James 1:2-3)
3. People who have pain want to be ministered by people who have scars.
Pretty good things to think about huh? But there were two things he said that I have said before…
1. Even if we could go back and change things, we wouldn’t. Steve said that about his father’s death and his daughter’s death. I had P’s death. God is too good… What’s He’s been revealing to me these almost 14 months have been the richest months of my life. Yes it is hard, but I know that He is building my character and my faith.
2. This story is not our story. It is all God. He is the author… we are just characters of His grand story… and Steve said, all the chapters won’t make sense until we see the final chapter, not til then will we understand the previous chapters.
Events like the martyrdom of five young men and a death of my P at the age of 29 and babies dying before reaching 24 hours are all in God’s sovereign plan. I still have days like today, where things remind me of P and I still have firsts… but even though my eyes are full of tears, my heart is full of joy that my Lord has brought me this far. I look forward to what He has in store for me.
You see, because we sin, our punishment is the wrath of God. (Get John Piper’s series on Romans to understand this) BUT in His goodness, He had a plan to send His Son, to pay the price of our sins. That price is death. If it ended like that, it wouldn’t be so great, but Jesus, God’s son, did not only die for us, but He conquered death for us and three days later rose from the death. I’m no theologian nor am I a scholar to explain this in a fabulous way.
The thing is this… I am a sinner and I need God.
I grew up in a Christian home with great godly parents, but God to me was something I had to do. I had to go to church. I had to read the Bible. I had to do family Bible studies. I had to… I knew not God for myself, but that He was mom and dad’s and all I do was follow. There came a time in my life, August 11, 1993 when I for the first time realized that wasn’t good enough. This God thing had to be mine. So that day at a retreat, I gave my life to Christ for myself for the first time. I remember my parents and sister saying how they really saw me grow those years. I had a phenomenal youth pastor and I was excited to read my bible and go to church. I wanted to be with people and encourage them in their walk, though still young in my faith. Yet there still was something missing. I still felt a little empty and had low self esteem. In later years, I realized that it was Satan telling me Jesus was not enough, when actually He is all I need.
I started dating my junior year of high school. (If I have a rule for A it is definitely waiting til sophomore year college to date.) I wasn’t ready for dating. Too emotionally young at that age. My boyfriend became my idol in life that fulfilled that emptiness and carried me away from the Lord. We tried to spend all our time together and when I got to college, to the school he was going, we practically did spend all our time together. I was not walking with the Lord and I had the freedom to do what I wanted. Growing up in the home that I did, I stuck to certain guidelines, thinking that was being godly. Boy was I far from wrong.
The Lord brought some pretty difficult situations into my life the first year and a half of college, including the break up with that boyfriend. All those situations, now I see were God nudging me to come back to Him. And in the end, He took what I held as my god in my life… boyfriend.
It would have been nice if I took His nudging and went straight to him, but instead I started hanging out with friends that enjoyed college life. For the first time I set foot into a bar and went to clubs. It was fun, but really empty. I was filling my life with friends, drinking (not like let’s get drunk every night drinking, but Friday night fun), and dancing. That lasted about four months and then I was done. It got boring really quickly and I wanted more. So what did I do… I went to church. I was going almost every week before that, going to church Friday nights and going to drink with the same friends, but this time I really wanted commit to this. I missed my days of really enjoying fellowship with God and other believers.
I began going to Friday bible studies and not joining my friends afterward. I began going on Sundays and going back to my apartment. I then started going to morning prayer services that were at 5:30 am every morning. I began enjoying my bible again, although it still seemed like a chore (something God worked in my heart over the next few years). I loved listening to praise music and would spend most of my paychecks on buying CDs. The Lord started restoring me. I spent many mornings during my morning prayer service repenting for all the “fun” I had. I wanted to get back with the Lord and wanted to grow. He did… I wasn’t empty anymore. God started to fill my heart with Him and I didn’t have to find other things to fill that with, like I had been doing…
In the years following the Lord lead me to different opportunities to serve Him and grew me a ton.
I am a sinner. I was when I disobeyed my parents at age 2… I was when I lied to my parents in 4th grade... I was when I beat up boys in school… I was when I picked on kids in junior high… I was when I judged people in high school… I was when I neglected God in college… I was when I deceived people to think I was a good kid.. I was when I would fight with P… I am now when I lose my temper with A and when I find myself wasting time on unimportant things. My consequence for all this that I did and do is death, BUT my Savior, Jesus Christ, has paid that price for me… I don’t have to do anything but follow Him now and I do that by listening to His spirit that lives inside of me. I have to daily pray and read the word to be in tune with that spirit who longs to tell me what the Lord has for me… But is such joy to be in that relationship with HIM.
I am a sinner. P was a sinner. A is a sinner. We are all sinners. We all need a Savior. The God who created this universe had in His plan when He started it all, to sacrifice His son as our Savior, so why would I think that if He had Jesus’ death all planned that He wouldn’t have P’s death planned? This is what Steve Saint said about his father’s death. Pretty profound huh? Makes you go hmmmm~
Wow I didn’t mean to tell my whole life story. Ha ha... of course I didn’t put all the details in, I’d have to write a book then. I just wanted to point out that we all need a Savior and that God is Sovereign in all He does, even in suffering, whatever your suffering may be. Let Him grow you and build your faith in that suffering that it may bring glory to Him.
When P first died, I was led to Acts. I read it and would laugh at the apostles when they would come out from jail after being beaten, raising their hands to praise God asking for more. I just laughed at how ridiculous that was, but I also prayed that I would have faith like them through this experience. I know if there was a scale of faith, I’d still be not so high up, but I do know that I am experiencing God in such a new way through this experience of suffering. Now I feel it as a blessing… to have known such a godly man and had the honor to call him my husband… what a blessing. I am for sure going to see my P again. I can’t wait til I do, but til then, I will follow hard after the One that is going before me and leading a path for me to follow. Jesus said that our life is going to have suffering… I know this is not my last suffering… there already have been little ones and I know there are more to come, but as in John 16:33… I take heart… Jesus has overcome the world. Come what may… I will not be shaken.
**Please pray for health. I feel much better, but still not 100%. Please pray for our helper and her husband. Haven’t heard much, but praying the Lord will heal him. Pray for me friend… she’s been in the hospital several days with dengue fever. Doing a little better, but still needs lots of rest and numbers need to go up.**
Friday, August 7, 2009
Big days coming up
We have two important days coming up, then a very important month.
On the 17th, we will be celebrating the independence of this country. It is a very exciting day… kids are already getting excited. Today I saw a group of little 10-12 year old girls practicing for their talent show the night of the 17th. We celebrated the 17th once in this country. In the morning, there is a parade that starts at like 7 am. The kids all dress up in traditional clothes and march up to the outdoor stage area near our house (20 minute parade). Once there, the kids stay outside and watch performances and the adults go in and listen to the declaration. During the day, people set up games for the kids and the kids just love it. It is a very fun day. Then in the evening there is like a “block party” where every “block” has like a talent show and comedy and stuff… it’s so much fun. I’m really excited for it. Please pray that it will be a good time for us. Please pray for safety during the day and also as we meet different people that we may be an image bearer of Christ to those who have still yet to know Him.
August 21st will mark the first day of Ramadan. Ramadan is a month of fasting for the Islam religion. People will wake before the first call to prayer (which is around 4am) to eat. After that they start their fast for the day. The fast ends at the second to last call to prayer (which is around 6pm). Families and/or friends gather together to break the fast together. They’ll sit around and wait for the call… some people will drink a sweet drink and pray then eat… some others drink a sweet drink, eat and then go to pray. People who usually don’t go to the mosque to pray and just pray at home will go to the mosque every prayer time during this month. This is all that I have learned from neighbors and friends. After the month of fasting, there is one week where most people are off work (almost like Christmas time in the states) and go visit family (idul fitri). It’s big because people give and receive gifts… new clothes, new tvs, new shoes, new… If you work, you get a bonus that month also, which helps with the shopping. He he..
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Ramadān is a time of reflecting and worshiping God. Muslims are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam and to avoid obscene and irreligious sights and sounds. Sexual thoughts and activities during fasting hours are also forbidden.[Qur'an 2:187] Purity of both thought and action is important. The fast is intended to be an exacting act of deep personal worship in which Muslims seek a raised awareness of closeness to God.
The act of fasting is said to redirect the heart away from worldly activities, its purpose being to cleanse the inner soul and free it from harm. Properly observing the fast is supposed to induce a comfortable feeling of peace and calm. It also allows Muslims to practice self-discipline, self-control, sacrifice, and sympathy for those who are less fortunate. It is also intended to make Muslims more generous and charitable. A certain level of self-control can be lost by those who suffer from eating disorders.[3]
The elderly, the chronically ill, and the mentally ill are exempt from fasting, although the first two groups must endeavor to feed the poor in place of their missed fasting. Also exempt are pregnant women, women during the period of their menstruation, and women nursing their newborns. A difference of opinion exists among Islamic scholars as to whether this last group must make up the days they miss at a later date, or feed poor people as a recompense for days missed.[4] While fasting is not considered compulsory in childhood, many children endeavor to complete as many fasts as possible as practice for later life. Lastly, those traveling are exempt, but must make up the days they miss.[Qur'an 2:184] More specifically, Twelver Shī‘ah define those who travel more than 14 miles in a day as exempt.[3]. The elderly or those who suffer from a disability or disease and have no prospect of getting better in the future can pay the cost of Eftar for a person who cannot afford it, or else they can host him in their house and have him eat with them after sunset as a way of repaying for the days they could not fast. [Qur'an 2:184]
Ramadān is also a time when Muslims are to slow down from worldly affairs and focus on self-reformation, spiritual cleansing and enlightenment, establishing a link between themselves and God through prayer, supplication, charity, good deeds, kindness and helping others. Since it is a festival of giving and sharing, Muslims prepare special foods and buy gifts for their family and friends and for giving to the poor and needy who cannot afford it; this can involve buying new clothes, shoes and other items of need. There is also a social aspect involved the preparing of special foods and inviting people for the Iftar meal (the meal to open the fast).
**This is information I took off the internet. Please if you have time, look it up on your own.**
So as you could see, this month is up for some action. Please continue to pray for A and I specifically during this month and for the people as a whole.
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Please continue to pray for my helper (Y) and her husband (A). A was having chest pains a couple nights ago, waking up his wife, Y. He has had some problems with his hypertension, so they took him to the hospital, but wasn’t seen til midday. They didn’t think it had to do with hypertension, but that they should take an x-ray. This afternoon A called Y while at work. The doctors found something in his heart after looking at the x-ray and wanted to admit him. Before she left, I prayed for his health and her heart. She was grateful… please pray that the Lord will heal him.
Today I have been much better. Ate crackers when I was hungry and our helper made me rice porridge for lunch. It was great… my mommy used to make me that when I was sick. A taste of home. The only difference is my mommy would give me soy sauce, the salty kind; here they use sweet soy sauce. I felt good today even though I was still not a 100%. Glad it seems like it’s coming to an end and definitely could feel prayer.
A had school today. She made ice-cream with her class. The first time the teacher approached me with behavior issues. Ha ha… I was so upset for two reasons… one that A wasn’t listening to her teacher, but then I was also upset that I had to hear my daughter wasn’t listening. It wasn’t anything major, but that the teacher wanted A to finish her snack and A did not want to. What’s the big deal right? Well the big deal is, A likes to put a lot of food on her plate and play with it… so that’s what she did and ended up not eating any of it. So the teacher asked her to take a certain amount of bites… A did not. I told the teacher what I do when she does that at home. On the way home, I had a serious talk with A. We talked about what the Bible says. She memorized the verse, “Children obey your parents”. So we talked about how when the parents are not there, the teachers are in charge and she has to obey. The best part was that when we got home and we were getting ready for nap. She asked to read the Bible and picked the story of Jonah… about obeying. After her nap, she was so good. When she started to disobey, I put her immediately in time out instead of listening to her complain and stuff… it worked, she was in time out one time and then was a new kid. I couldn’t believe it. It’s funny. When I was teaching and parents would ask me how they could control their child, I would tell them how much children need boundaries and that’s where they feel safe. I have let things slide for a while now, for whatever reason. Today I wasn’t going to have it… she knew. After her bath she said, “Mommy… I was obeying right?” I love her!!!
Please pray for A. I know she is not a normal 3 year old… she’s been through too much. The other night after dinner, A went to get her bike while I finished dinner. As she brought the bike to the dining room (yes I let her ride her bike in our house… it’s tile floors), she said, “Mommy I have a sad story. When daddy went to heaven, he didn’t say good-bye”. I was shocked and tears started to form in my eyes. I asked what made her think of it, she didn’t say anything. Then I told her how I didn’t get to say good-bye either because we didn’t know he was going to go to heaven. I told her daddy didn’t mean to not say good-bye, that if he had known he would have given us both hugs and kisses and said good-bye. I explained to her that when it’s our turn and we go to heaven, there will never be good-byes and that we would be together forever with Jesus and daddy. She then had this big smile on her face and rode her bike. I don’t know where she gets these thoughts, but I’m glad she could express them to me and we could process it together.
Please continue pray for me as I parent A as a single mom and do work here. I am going to start being a conversational partner for people who want to practice their English and assist in teaching English. The latest the paperwork will go through is October, so hopefully it could go faster and I’ll start before then. Please pray for the process… the Lord knows timing.
On the 17th, we will be celebrating the independence of this country. It is a very exciting day… kids are already getting excited. Today I saw a group of little 10-12 year old girls practicing for their talent show the night of the 17th. We celebrated the 17th once in this country. In the morning, there is a parade that starts at like 7 am. The kids all dress up in traditional clothes and march up to the outdoor stage area near our house (20 minute parade). Once there, the kids stay outside and watch performances and the adults go in and listen to the declaration. During the day, people set up games for the kids and the kids just love it. It is a very fun day. Then in the evening there is like a “block party” where every “block” has like a talent show and comedy and stuff… it’s so much fun. I’m really excited for it. Please pray that it will be a good time for us. Please pray for safety during the day and also as we meet different people that we may be an image bearer of Christ to those who have still yet to know Him.
August 21st will mark the first day of Ramadan. Ramadan is a month of fasting for the Islam religion. People will wake before the first call to prayer (which is around 4am) to eat. After that they start their fast for the day. The fast ends at the second to last call to prayer (which is around 6pm). Families and/or friends gather together to break the fast together. They’ll sit around and wait for the call… some people will drink a sweet drink and pray then eat… some others drink a sweet drink, eat and then go to pray. People who usually don’t go to the mosque to pray and just pray at home will go to the mosque every prayer time during this month. This is all that I have learned from neighbors and friends. After the month of fasting, there is one week where most people are off work (almost like Christmas time in the states) and go visit family (idul fitri). It’s big because people give and receive gifts… new clothes, new tvs, new shoes, new… If you work, you get a bonus that month also, which helps with the shopping. He he..
______________________________________________________________________________
Ramadān is a time of reflecting and worshiping God. Muslims are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam and to avoid obscene and irreligious sights and sounds. Sexual thoughts and activities during fasting hours are also forbidden.[Qur'an 2:187] Purity of both thought and action is important. The fast is intended to be an exacting act of deep personal worship in which Muslims seek a raised awareness of closeness to God.
The act of fasting is said to redirect the heart away from worldly activities, its purpose being to cleanse the inner soul and free it from harm. Properly observing the fast is supposed to induce a comfortable feeling of peace and calm. It also allows Muslims to practice self-discipline, self-control, sacrifice, and sympathy for those who are less fortunate. It is also intended to make Muslims more generous and charitable. A certain level of self-control can be lost by those who suffer from eating disorders.[3]
The elderly, the chronically ill, and the mentally ill are exempt from fasting, although the first two groups must endeavor to feed the poor in place of their missed fasting. Also exempt are pregnant women, women during the period of their menstruation, and women nursing their newborns. A difference of opinion exists among Islamic scholars as to whether this last group must make up the days they miss at a later date, or feed poor people as a recompense for days missed.[4] While fasting is not considered compulsory in childhood, many children endeavor to complete as many fasts as possible as practice for later life. Lastly, those traveling are exempt, but must make up the days they miss.[Qur'an 2:184] More specifically, Twelver Shī‘ah define those who travel more than 14 miles in a day as exempt.[3]. The elderly or those who suffer from a disability or disease and have no prospect of getting better in the future can pay the cost of Eftar for a person who cannot afford it, or else they can host him in their house and have him eat with them after sunset as a way of repaying for the days they could not fast. [Qur'an 2:184]
Ramadān is also a time when Muslims are to slow down from worldly affairs and focus on self-reformation, spiritual cleansing and enlightenment, establishing a link between themselves and God through prayer, supplication, charity, good deeds, kindness and helping others. Since it is a festival of giving and sharing, Muslims prepare special foods and buy gifts for their family and friends and for giving to the poor and needy who cannot afford it; this can involve buying new clothes, shoes and other items of need. There is also a social aspect involved the preparing of special foods and inviting people for the Iftar meal (the meal to open the fast).
**This is information I took off the internet. Please if you have time, look it up on your own.**
So as you could see, this month is up for some action. Please continue to pray for A and I specifically during this month and for the people as a whole.
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Please continue to pray for my helper (Y) and her husband (A). A was having chest pains a couple nights ago, waking up his wife, Y. He has had some problems with his hypertension, so they took him to the hospital, but wasn’t seen til midday. They didn’t think it had to do with hypertension, but that they should take an x-ray. This afternoon A called Y while at work. The doctors found something in his heart after looking at the x-ray and wanted to admit him. Before she left, I prayed for his health and her heart. She was grateful… please pray that the Lord will heal him.
Today I have been much better. Ate crackers when I was hungry and our helper made me rice porridge for lunch. It was great… my mommy used to make me that when I was sick. A taste of home. The only difference is my mommy would give me soy sauce, the salty kind; here they use sweet soy sauce. I felt good today even though I was still not a 100%. Glad it seems like it’s coming to an end and definitely could feel prayer.
A had school today. She made ice-cream with her class. The first time the teacher approached me with behavior issues. Ha ha… I was so upset for two reasons… one that A wasn’t listening to her teacher, but then I was also upset that I had to hear my daughter wasn’t listening. It wasn’t anything major, but that the teacher wanted A to finish her snack and A did not want to. What’s the big deal right? Well the big deal is, A likes to put a lot of food on her plate and play with it… so that’s what she did and ended up not eating any of it. So the teacher asked her to take a certain amount of bites… A did not. I told the teacher what I do when she does that at home. On the way home, I had a serious talk with A. We talked about what the Bible says. She memorized the verse, “Children obey your parents”. So we talked about how when the parents are not there, the teachers are in charge and she has to obey. The best part was that when we got home and we were getting ready for nap. She asked to read the Bible and picked the story of Jonah… about obeying. After her nap, she was so good. When she started to disobey, I put her immediately in time out instead of listening to her complain and stuff… it worked, she was in time out one time and then was a new kid. I couldn’t believe it. It’s funny. When I was teaching and parents would ask me how they could control their child, I would tell them how much children need boundaries and that’s where they feel safe. I have let things slide for a while now, for whatever reason. Today I wasn’t going to have it… she knew. After her bath she said, “Mommy… I was obeying right?” I love her!!!
Please pray for A. I know she is not a normal 3 year old… she’s been through too much. The other night after dinner, A went to get her bike while I finished dinner. As she brought the bike to the dining room (yes I let her ride her bike in our house… it’s tile floors), she said, “Mommy I have a sad story. When daddy went to heaven, he didn’t say good-bye”. I was shocked and tears started to form in my eyes. I asked what made her think of it, she didn’t say anything. Then I told her how I didn’t get to say good-bye either because we didn’t know he was going to go to heaven. I told her daddy didn’t mean to not say good-bye, that if he had known he would have given us both hugs and kisses and said good-bye. I explained to her that when it’s our turn and we go to heaven, there will never be good-byes and that we would be together forever with Jesus and daddy. She then had this big smile on her face and rode her bike. I don’t know where she gets these thoughts, but I’m glad she could express them to me and we could process it together.
Please continue pray for me as I parent A as a single mom and do work here. I am going to start being a conversational partner for people who want to practice their English and assist in teaching English. The latest the paperwork will go through is October, so hopefully it could go faster and I’ll start before then. Please pray for the process… the Lord knows timing.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
lift us up
yesterday in the afternoon my stomach wasn't feeling good... by the time i went to bed, i had gone to the bathroom 3 times and by the time i woke up i had gone another 3 times. i was exhausted in the morning... we then got a call from our helper saying she had to take her husband to the hospital. he's been having problems with his blood pressure and they thought he was having a heart attack or something... pain all night long. so today i was a little weak with A... on top of that i had to go and take care of our visa paperwork. it was a pretty intense morning, although just two hours of having to take care of it... when we got home mid morning, we plopped in our entertainment room and watched "bedtime stories". i got some crackers in me and pocari sweat (japanese version of gatorade). i haven't gone to the bathroom so that's good. one day of this is enough for me. in the middle of the night when i was in so much pain in the bathroom (sorry too much information), i was praying for myself, but also asking the Lord to bring me to mind to as many people as He could so i don't have to be sick for long. i don't know if you were reminded of me yesterday, but if you were and prayed for me... thank you so much!!! i'd also like to hear from you if the Lord lead to you pray for me particularly yesterday. please e-mail. thanks.
please pray for our helper and her husband. this has happened before and i know they are scared of him possibly dying, although none of the doctors say that... just pray for his health, but also for them to come to know Jesus, for He is the great healer.
short update for now...
please pray for our helper and her husband. this has happened before and i know they are scared of him possibly dying, although none of the doctors say that... just pray for his health, but also for them to come to know Jesus, for He is the great healer.
short update for now...
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
since the video did not work...
**A was looking for her korean doll to sleep with... we looked and this is what i found...**
**mommy daughter date**
**school uniform... wears it only on wednesdays**
**this is A going down the hill on a piece of wood. our neighborhood slide. it's great because it's right in front of our house**
**i asked A to put on her undies... this is what i got.**
hopefully these pictures will work. i chose highlights, but on facebook hopefully it'll be more.
we are doing quite well. last night, i had a good cry. i don't know how to explain how i feel... i miss P, but missing him knowing he's not coming back. i don't long for him to be back again like i used to. this morning on the way to school, A said, "mommy, i wish daddy could take me to school." and in the middle of the road my eyes filled with tears... i wish the same thing... i told her that daddy is so proud of her going to school and making friends. we talked about what he would be doing in heaven and how we can't wait to get there. we still have our days... i don't think it'll ever go away... he'll always be my P and he'll always be her daddy... i spoke to someone who lost their spouse and remarried and 20 something years later, still cries and thinks about the person. it's just a part of life now... P will be a part of us no matter what.
please keep praying for us as like i said, we still have our days even though a lot less than ever before. pray for me as i am in the process of paperwork to start teaching English. pray for A as she goes to school and makes friends. pray that we could continue to follow Christ in all that we do... in conversation and in our daily lives.
as i type this, i wait for the pictures to upload, not working... i'm hoping before i have to pick up A the pictures will work. i'm praying... i have 4 minutes left. ugh.... come on... now my battery is running out...
yes it worked!!! although the pictures went to the top... Praise God i could share some pictures. facebook didn't work... ugh, but this is good. enjoy
Monday, August 3, 2009
weaner day
these past few days, A has been into family videos again. it's so much fun seeing all of us in this house. i love watching them and so does A. again my the grace of God, not so much heartache, just good memories in this house. yes i miss P and i could just laugh at the things we used to do here and all the crazy things that happened... like a cockroach flying up P's shorts while he was using the bathroom... when i stepped on a lizard, thinking it was a raisin then crying when i found out it was a lizard, A and i cried so hard because P was not home. four women came to check on me to see what happened. ha ha... rats coming into our house and P putting on his shoes to chase it out after locking A and i in our bedroom... me getting locked in our room when i had to pee really bad. i had to take of the hinges from the inside because i had to go so bad. my family and P were laughing so hard... so many more...
the one thing i remembered was my weaner day. P put out a card for me on the table when i woke up from a nap after a week of weaning A. i was sad feeling like my baby was growing up, but was so physically uncomfortable... so P, because he is so sweet, made up weaner day. wrote a card and then we went out to celebrate A growing up and me surviving. i cried reading the card and we had fun that day. as sad as it was to wean my girl, i was happy my husband was so thoughtful. he had taken such good care of me throughout my pregnancy, while i was nursing and even after. weaner day!!! that was a good day.
God's been so good. even my neighbors ask if it's hard to live in the house... but it's really not. i enjoy it and God's just been so good... it doesn't even feel like our house... it just feels like a house for A and me. we're making our own set of good memories, like the one below. A asked me to come and watch her one day outside. when i went out, this is what i saw, so yesterday when she did it, i got my camera. i love that she's so free to do what the kids in the neighborhood are doing.
**sorry that the video would not load... i'll try once more, but if it doesn't work... sorry**
the one thing i remembered was my weaner day. P put out a card for me on the table when i woke up from a nap after a week of weaning A. i was sad feeling like my baby was growing up, but was so physically uncomfortable... so P, because he is so sweet, made up weaner day. wrote a card and then we went out to celebrate A growing up and me surviving. i cried reading the card and we had fun that day. as sad as it was to wean my girl, i was happy my husband was so thoughtful. he had taken such good care of me throughout my pregnancy, while i was nursing and even after. weaner day!!! that was a good day.
God's been so good. even my neighbors ask if it's hard to live in the house... but it's really not. i enjoy it and God's just been so good... it doesn't even feel like our house... it just feels like a house for A and me. we're making our own set of good memories, like the one below. A asked me to come and watch her one day outside. when i went out, this is what i saw, so yesterday when she did it, i got my camera. i love that she's so free to do what the kids in the neighborhood are doing.
**sorry that the video would not load... i'll try once more, but if it doesn't work... sorry**
Sunday, August 2, 2009
holy and surrendered
I’ve been learning a lot over this month and some weeks here. The Lord is turning me to books and certain scripture to direct me to specific areas in my life that I need to grow. In the beginning it was surrender… but even after having thought I surrendered all in my life, in these past couple weeks, the Lord showed me how I am holding on to still some things in my life. Then asked me for total surrender. Sometimes I have to say, I get frustrated with God and I argue with Him… haven’t I given up enough for you… then I put my head down in shame… hasn’t He done enough for me? Why is it that I still want to hold on to things in my life… I know that He’s in total control. I find myself going back to when P and I wanted another child and the Lord would not listen to our desire… that was God’s provision for me for He knew what was to come.
Lately, I have been reading the book “Pursuit of Holiness” by Jerry Bridges. If you haven’t read it, please go pick it up… it is phenomenal and very convicting. In the first chapter it talks about how holiness is for us. I really like chapter two… I was totally redirected in my heart about holiness… a few things hit me, but one thing that was like a stab in the gut was that God does not accept excuses. We are to live a holy life for God is holy and there are no excuses… then he said how many of us justify our actions by saying “well, that’s just the way I am” or even “well, I’m still growing in that area of my life.” Wow… what a strong statement, but without giving away the whole book, I haven’t even finished it, I want to say that the author is not saying we need to be perfect. “God does not require a perfect, sinless life to have fellowship with Him, but He does require that we be serious about holiness, that we grieve over sin in our lives instead of justifying it, and that we earnestly pursue holiness as a way of life.” (p. 40-41)
I thought of what grieving meant… I thought of what my heart was like when P died… the grieving I went through… the heartache… the trauma… the anguish… the hours of crying over him… I prayed that the Lord would give me a grieving heart for my sins in my life… that He would use His spirit daily to even show me the sins in my life. No longer do I want to justify my sins…
I remember a couple weeks before P died, we were together and A was not obeying. I told a little “white lie” and P called me out on it. He told me we were not going to be parents that lie to our kids… not any “white lie”. P challenged me that day… there are no “good” lies… they are all lies… and that means we sin. Hmmm~
I have on my wall a note to myself that I could read every time I go out my bedroom. It states:
Today I will…
- Worship God
- Cultivate holiness
- Invest in eternity
Lord I surrender today to you. Do as you will and let me have the ears to hear and the heart to obey. More of you… Less of me.
Those three “goals” were P’s goals in life. He would evaluate each day by how much time He spent on each of the three. I added my little prayer at the end. I pray A will grow to evaluate her day by those three principles.
God is good. He has been leading me not only in books, but in scripture. I’ve been lead to read different books of the bible and for the past couple weeks I’ve been reading through Deuteronomy. I’ve been surprised at how many times Moses tells the people to not forget God’s goodness. He tells them to be careful when they get satisfied for then they will turn away from God. God’s lead me to pray this for a while now of how I do not want to forget this past year and almost two months… not to remember the sorrow or how much I miss P, but to remember God’s goodness and faithfulness in my life. As I read these chapters, my desire to not want to forget grows… I do not want to forget my manna nor do I want to forget the water that came out of the rock for me… I do not want to forget the way the Lord spread the Red Sea in my life… and I do not want to forget when I get in the Promised Land where the land is flowing with milk and honey, whatever that may be in my life.
This week like I have said, has been the best week of my time here. I really ask that you continue to pray for continual good weeks and His is leading in different areas in our life.
Sometimes you don’t know when something will bring up a memory… this week as I was getting my entertainment room ready, I put a white sheet over the bed in there to make it more like a couch. I had chills run up and down my body and tears started rolling from my eyes… almost in an instant. I remembered walking into the ICU room and seeing P under a white sheet. I had to leave the room. I don’t think I will ever buy white sheets again. A little while later, I went back into the room and fixed it… but really I don’t ever want to see white sheets again.
Last night I started a movie “Amazing Grace” and tonight I finished it. That was a good movie. I remember starting it with P at some point… sad that we didn’t get to finish it together. I think he would have really liked it. I know he would have wanted to talk about it for a few days. Then I put in “Beyond the Gates of Splendor”. I wasn’t quite sure if I would be okay watching that movie… but wow… those families are absolutely amazing. Men and women both, but even the kids as they grew up… The Lord had incredible plans for that people group. I can’t wait to read the book, “Through the Gates of Splendor” that TB left me before she left.
I remember a message by pastor SC at Bethel. He brought up verse after verse, 27 times, on how followers of Christ are not meant to have a easy life… there are costs in our following of Christ. It’s not a easy road, but He asks us if we are willing to pick up our cross and follow Him. I keep going back to how our life here is temporary. The max is probably like 90 years old… or like my grandmother 96… but how after that, we will spend eternity in absolute glory!!! That everything that we endure here, will be rewarded in heaven for eternity. Could we live with that kind of mind set? If not, why not? Is God not worth it? I can’t say that have that mind set 100%... I still have days where I tell God this is too big… He’s asking too much of me… but then I remember how so worth it God is… God is so worth our life.
Today at church, I was so in love with being in one place with brothers and sisters, praising, jumping, dancing, praying… then I started to cry thinking of how wonderful it will be once we are in heaven. When I was younger, I thought about what a dread it would be to be in heaven and sing hymns all day… but today I longed for that day… to sing to my savior for eternity. I know it says that there are no tears in heaven, I wonder about tears of joy… I think it would be such a joyful thing to be in God’s glory…
So… that’s what I wanted to share tonight before I went to bed. I want to live a holy surrendered life to my Lord and Savior until the day I could go before Him and be in His glory forever and ever.
Lately, I have been reading the book “Pursuit of Holiness” by Jerry Bridges. If you haven’t read it, please go pick it up… it is phenomenal and very convicting. In the first chapter it talks about how holiness is for us. I really like chapter two… I was totally redirected in my heart about holiness… a few things hit me, but one thing that was like a stab in the gut was that God does not accept excuses. We are to live a holy life for God is holy and there are no excuses… then he said how many of us justify our actions by saying “well, that’s just the way I am” or even “well, I’m still growing in that area of my life.” Wow… what a strong statement, but without giving away the whole book, I haven’t even finished it, I want to say that the author is not saying we need to be perfect. “God does not require a perfect, sinless life to have fellowship with Him, but He does require that we be serious about holiness, that we grieve over sin in our lives instead of justifying it, and that we earnestly pursue holiness as a way of life.” (p. 40-41)
I thought of what grieving meant… I thought of what my heart was like when P died… the grieving I went through… the heartache… the trauma… the anguish… the hours of crying over him… I prayed that the Lord would give me a grieving heart for my sins in my life… that He would use His spirit daily to even show me the sins in my life. No longer do I want to justify my sins…
I remember a couple weeks before P died, we were together and A was not obeying. I told a little “white lie” and P called me out on it. He told me we were not going to be parents that lie to our kids… not any “white lie”. P challenged me that day… there are no “good” lies… they are all lies… and that means we sin. Hmmm~
I have on my wall a note to myself that I could read every time I go out my bedroom. It states:
Today I will…
- Worship God
- Cultivate holiness
- Invest in eternity
Lord I surrender today to you. Do as you will and let me have the ears to hear and the heart to obey. More of you… Less of me.
Those three “goals” were P’s goals in life. He would evaluate each day by how much time He spent on each of the three. I added my little prayer at the end. I pray A will grow to evaluate her day by those three principles.
God is good. He has been leading me not only in books, but in scripture. I’ve been lead to read different books of the bible and for the past couple weeks I’ve been reading through Deuteronomy. I’ve been surprised at how many times Moses tells the people to not forget God’s goodness. He tells them to be careful when they get satisfied for then they will turn away from God. God’s lead me to pray this for a while now of how I do not want to forget this past year and almost two months… not to remember the sorrow or how much I miss P, but to remember God’s goodness and faithfulness in my life. As I read these chapters, my desire to not want to forget grows… I do not want to forget my manna nor do I want to forget the water that came out of the rock for me… I do not want to forget the way the Lord spread the Red Sea in my life… and I do not want to forget when I get in the Promised Land where the land is flowing with milk and honey, whatever that may be in my life.
This week like I have said, has been the best week of my time here. I really ask that you continue to pray for continual good weeks and His is leading in different areas in our life.
Sometimes you don’t know when something will bring up a memory… this week as I was getting my entertainment room ready, I put a white sheet over the bed in there to make it more like a couch. I had chills run up and down my body and tears started rolling from my eyes… almost in an instant. I remembered walking into the ICU room and seeing P under a white sheet. I had to leave the room. I don’t think I will ever buy white sheets again. A little while later, I went back into the room and fixed it… but really I don’t ever want to see white sheets again.
Last night I started a movie “Amazing Grace” and tonight I finished it. That was a good movie. I remember starting it with P at some point… sad that we didn’t get to finish it together. I think he would have really liked it. I know he would have wanted to talk about it for a few days. Then I put in “Beyond the Gates of Splendor”. I wasn’t quite sure if I would be okay watching that movie… but wow… those families are absolutely amazing. Men and women both, but even the kids as they grew up… The Lord had incredible plans for that people group. I can’t wait to read the book, “Through the Gates of Splendor” that TB left me before she left.
I remember a message by pastor SC at Bethel. He brought up verse after verse, 27 times, on how followers of Christ are not meant to have a easy life… there are costs in our following of Christ. It’s not a easy road, but He asks us if we are willing to pick up our cross and follow Him. I keep going back to how our life here is temporary. The max is probably like 90 years old… or like my grandmother 96… but how after that, we will spend eternity in absolute glory!!! That everything that we endure here, will be rewarded in heaven for eternity. Could we live with that kind of mind set? If not, why not? Is God not worth it? I can’t say that have that mind set 100%... I still have days where I tell God this is too big… He’s asking too much of me… but then I remember how so worth it God is… God is so worth our life.
Today at church, I was so in love with being in one place with brothers and sisters, praising, jumping, dancing, praying… then I started to cry thinking of how wonderful it will be once we are in heaven. When I was younger, I thought about what a dread it would be to be in heaven and sing hymns all day… but today I longed for that day… to sing to my savior for eternity. I know it says that there are no tears in heaven, I wonder about tears of joy… I think it would be such a joyful thing to be in God’s glory…
So… that’s what I wanted to share tonight before I went to bed. I want to live a holy surrendered life to my Lord and Savior until the day I could go before Him and be in His glory forever and ever.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
syukuran
**neighbors**
**women working on the party... the one on the left is our helper and the one in the middle is my close friend N... then it's me**
people here have "syukuran"s, which is a party/gathering for people to give thanks for various reasons. today i had one with my neighbors for moving here. it was great. i actually had thought to write for prayers... but as i was telling a couple friends here, this living one day at a time has been really good, except when you really don't think about tomorrow, then you really don't think about tomorrow. so i planned things with our helper on thursday, on friday i asked my neighbor to tell my neighbors about the syukuran for saturday... saturday, which is today, we had about 50 people here celebrating our return here. it was short and sweet and thanks for CG and SG, it went really well. i was a little worried that too many people would come, since our last christmas party in this house was 130 people... so this morning i prayed, that the Lord would bring people that had to be there, no more or less than that. and it was a perfect number.
it was kind of hard getting ready for it actually... this is the first event here without P and i didn't know if i could do it. then i was asked to say a little something, and i really thought i was going to cry, but i didn't. through the grace of God i did pretty good. ha ha... it was a blessing to be with my family here, who really care for us, love us and want to be with us.
keep praying for us, for even though i sometimes forget things to put for prayer, there are always things to pray about.
**happy birthday little JP. we love you!!!**
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