today i got the morning to just be alone. our good friend took A to the park and i just stayed in my room. i prayed... i cried... i read... i sang... i cried... throughout all that, i realized how this was like the first time i actually got time to do exactly that. i feel like for the past almost two weeks all i have been doing is going going going without being able to stop and just mourn. there were mornings and some time, but not like this i don't think. i really felt the Lord's presence as i mourned. i felt Him telling me how He has everything in control and i felt Him showing me His hand in all that has happened. it is definitely hard to accept and process through all this, but i feel at such peace knowing that everything was and is in His hands.
slowly, day by day, i know the Lord will heal.
we are going to kansas on sunday. we will attend the service there sunday evening at 6. then i will spend some time going through some of our stuff and spend time with family. we will return on wednesday.
thanks for you love and support.
p.s. A has some good friends playing with her here at the house. it's great and they are so cute together.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
What day is it?
Yesterday with a friend I went to the Target that P and I went to register for wedding and baby and did all of our shopping. I feel like there is so much emotion and change that I'm not sure which one to deal with when. So walking into Target was such a cultural experience after being in Indo for 2 years, but at the same time I was walking into a ton of memories. It was so overwhelming the thoughts going through my head while I was also getting things to organize our things.
Today I didn't even know what day it was or what the date was. It's just still all such a blur. But I spent the good part of the morning organizing A's and my room. Then went out to lunch with family and friends and now A is taking a nap and I am catching up on e-mails and stuff.
I am really thankful for what the Lord is doing in my heart. He is really good to me this past week and I just know that it will continue as I go into my new stage in life with A.
Good things God has done....
1. A is doing such a great job adjusting to all of this, daddy in heaven, time change, lots of new faces, new house... just everything. It's been a blessing.
2. I have so many great people around me. My brother-in-law said that cause there are so many people helping me, there is really nothing for him to do. That is true. Everyone is such a blessing!!!
3. My family here at the house. They are such a blessing. When all this happened and I told our pastor I needed a place to stay, I prayed that this family would say yes, and they did!! P told me so much about this family that I couldn't imagine anywhere else.
4. My emotional state has been really good. Of course with jet lag I still have so much to adjust to that I don't think everything has quite hit yet, but except occasional times of crying, I have been really hopeful in what the Lord has in store for A and I.
5. In saying that... I just have been thinking of how incredibly crazy this whole situation is and sometimes I just want to yell and be mad, but when I review all that have happened in leading up to P going to be with the Lord, I can't be mad because all I could see is God's hand in it all... all the events leading up to it. He is good.
6. The support from everyone all over the world. I have gotten e-mails, cards, people flying in from all over the world with encouraging words. How can I not say that God is good when He sends me so many people to love and care of A and I?
7. Our friends that are with us here from Indo. They are awesome and a true picture of God's goodness in my life.
and so much more...
The Lord is good. I still have a lot to process and pray through while healing from all of this, but because I see His goodness in my life, again I am so hopeful. The Lord is good and I want that to be the theme of my season right now. Through all the pain and hurt, tears and sorrows, memories and laughs, I want to continue to remember that He is good.
Please keep praying for A and I. I really want to establish stability for A during these next few weeks so that she could feel secure. So please pray that she and I could bond in a deeper level and as one of my friends put it, that the holy spirit will really help A understand all this. Most importantly I would not want A to think that Daddy left her, since it was so abrupt, so working through all that with her too. Yes just please just keep lifting us up.
Thank you and we love you!!
Today I didn't even know what day it was or what the date was. It's just still all such a blur. But I spent the good part of the morning organizing A's and my room. Then went out to lunch with family and friends and now A is taking a nap and I am catching up on e-mails and stuff.
I am really thankful for what the Lord is doing in my heart. He is really good to me this past week and I just know that it will continue as I go into my new stage in life with A.
Good things God has done....
1. A is doing such a great job adjusting to all of this, daddy in heaven, time change, lots of new faces, new house... just everything. It's been a blessing.
2. I have so many great people around me. My brother-in-law said that cause there are so many people helping me, there is really nothing for him to do. That is true. Everyone is such a blessing!!!
3. My family here at the house. They are such a blessing. When all this happened and I told our pastor I needed a place to stay, I prayed that this family would say yes, and they did!! P told me so much about this family that I couldn't imagine anywhere else.
4. My emotional state has been really good. Of course with jet lag I still have so much to adjust to that I don't think everything has quite hit yet, but except occasional times of crying, I have been really hopeful in what the Lord has in store for A and I.
5. In saying that... I just have been thinking of how incredibly crazy this whole situation is and sometimes I just want to yell and be mad, but when I review all that have happened in leading up to P going to be with the Lord, I can't be mad because all I could see is God's hand in it all... all the events leading up to it. He is good.
6. The support from everyone all over the world. I have gotten e-mails, cards, people flying in from all over the world with encouraging words. How can I not say that God is good when He sends me so many people to love and care of A and I?
7. Our friends that are with us here from Indo. They are awesome and a true picture of God's goodness in my life.
and so much more...
The Lord is good. I still have a lot to process and pray through while healing from all of this, but because I see His goodness in my life, again I am so hopeful. The Lord is good and I want that to be the theme of my season right now. Through all the pain and hurt, tears and sorrows, memories and laughs, I want to continue to remember that He is good.
Please keep praying for A and I. I really want to establish stability for A during these next few weeks so that she could feel secure. So please pray that she and I could bond in a deeper level and as one of my friends put it, that the holy spirit will really help A understand all this. Most importantly I would not want A to think that Daddy left her, since it was so abrupt, so working through all that with her too. Yes just please just keep lifting us up.
Thank you and we love you!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
After the storm
We got in Friday night and waited at the cargo area wanting to see Phil go off to the funeral home. The next few days seem like a blur, just barely making it. Every time I thought that I wasn't going to make it, someone would tell me the Lord's grace would help me through it. And sure enough, the Lord is good in all He does and here I am the day after burying my husband sitting in the living room of my new family feeling amazing amount of peace.
The visitation was amazing. I was so nervous at first, feeling sick to my stomach, not knowing if I would make it, but the Lord is good. I hugged hundreds of people and laughed with many people about the memories of my crazy husband. The Lord is good.
The service was incredible. Pastor R did such a great job!!! P would be so proud!!!!! Everyone who spoke, wrote a letter, and was a part of the service... THANK YOU!!!
A and I are still on jet lag so I can't remember everything right now... but all I want to say is, I thought so many times that I wasn't going to make it, but just as the verse on the wall of Bethel... My Grace is Sufficient for Thee. It was there when P first attended there, when we got married, when we left for Indo and when we had P's service. What a great verse for P, for us as a couple and now for A and I as we start our lives here.
There'll be more soon as soon as I could get some good sleep and really get my thoughts straight.
One thing I do want to say is how much I appreciate the love and prayers from all around the world.
A and I love you all and ask that you continually lift us up as we adjust to time change, the US, family life just the two of us, and schedule.
The visitation was amazing. I was so nervous at first, feeling sick to my stomach, not knowing if I would make it, but the Lord is good. I hugged hundreds of people and laughed with many people about the memories of my crazy husband. The Lord is good.
The service was incredible. Pastor R did such a great job!!! P would be so proud!!!!! Everyone who spoke, wrote a letter, and was a part of the service... THANK YOU!!!
A and I are still on jet lag so I can't remember everything right now... but all I want to say is, I thought so many times that I wasn't going to make it, but just as the verse on the wall of Bethel... My Grace is Sufficient for Thee. It was there when P first attended there, when we got married, when we left for Indo and when we had P's service. What a great verse for P, for us as a couple and now for A and I as we start our lives here.
There'll be more soon as soon as I could get some good sleep and really get my thoughts straight.
One thing I do want to say is how much I appreciate the love and prayers from all around the world.
A and I love you all and ask that you continually lift us up as we adjust to time change, the US, family life just the two of us, and schedule.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Amsterdam
Please pray for us as we travel. A friend is escorting us and we are all just tired, emotionally and physically.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Packing and going...
Yesterday was one of the hardest day of my life, but then it turned out to be so good.
In the morning, A and I headed toward our house with people to help us pack up our house. Just walking up the path without P was really hard, then I had to open our gate, which is his job. As I walked in the house I could not believe he was gone.
I packed up the house, went through everything I thought I needed and now am all ready to go.
God really met me powerfully yesterday. Can't remember exactly at what point, but I started to remember some really fun times with P. I then started to fill with joy because I had a really great time with while I had him. One of my friends mentioned how we were always like we were dating and P really made it that way. He was oh so good to me. So thinking I shouldn't be happy, I tried to think of something bad, but I really couldn't. Nothing. Our fights never lasted more than 30 minutes and it always ended in laughter or a tickle attack. I love him a lot and miss him so much, but am really glad that he is where he is. Although we had a good time together, nothing compares to the time he is having now.
A and I will shortly be leaving for the airport. We will leave here 6:35 am chicago time. I am not sure what time we will get in, but our fellowship and family knows. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. Miracles happened as people were processing all our papers.
I love you all and will see you soon.
In the morning, A and I headed toward our house with people to help us pack up our house. Just walking up the path without P was really hard, then I had to open our gate, which is his job. As I walked in the house I could not believe he was gone.
I packed up the house, went through everything I thought I needed and now am all ready to go.
God really met me powerfully yesterday. Can't remember exactly at what point, but I started to remember some really fun times with P. I then started to fill with joy because I had a really great time with while I had him. One of my friends mentioned how we were always like we were dating and P really made it that way. He was oh so good to me. So thinking I shouldn't be happy, I tried to think of something bad, but I really couldn't. Nothing. Our fights never lasted more than 30 minutes and it always ended in laughter or a tickle attack. I love him a lot and miss him so much, but am really glad that he is where he is. Although we had a good time together, nothing compares to the time he is having now.
A and I will shortly be leaving for the airport. We will leave here 6:35 am chicago time. I am not sure what time we will get in, but our fellowship and family knows. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. Miracles happened as people were processing all our papers.
I love you all and will see you soon.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Service
The Lord is so good in everyway. I am blessed by the community that we have here pulling together to make the most beautiful service.
Our fellowship here took care of almost everything. They decorated the place so beautifully, got food ready and put on a beautiful service.
The service started with prayer from one of P's friends at our fellowship and people shared. First was our neighbor just saying great things about P. The sad part was she said "hopefully" he is in a good place. But the Lord is so good. I couldn't have imagined a service much more the P would have wanted it. Because after she shared about the "hopefully", like four people went up and shared the gospel. Each in the unique way and how sure we were that he was with the Lord. It was great. People keep saying what a legacy he left here in such a short amount of time.
This afternoon after naps, I took A out on our friends' swing set and explained to her what happened to P. I explained that when daddy went to school he got really sick, so when he got home he had to go to the hospital. I explained that because he was so sick and the doctors could not take care of him, God thought it best to take him to heaven where he wouldn't be sick anymore and won't be sad anymore. She listened to all this then asked, "where that mommy?" So I pointed to the sky and explained God has a place for His children there. I then told her that she wouldn't be able to see daddy again, but that we could look at lots of pictures and videos. Then she said she wanted to see pictures, so we went to the room and looked at a book we made for P for father's day. A book about why anna loves daddy with pictures that go with it. She enjoyed that.
Please continue to pray for us. I haven't slept in a while, so if you could pray for good sleep. Also they are trying to get us out of here Thursday morning our time. All the paperwork needs to be in place to go, so please pray for that. We will be bringing P to Chicago where all the arrangements will then be made.
Thank you.
Our fellowship here took care of almost everything. They decorated the place so beautifully, got food ready and put on a beautiful service.
The service started with prayer from one of P's friends at our fellowship and people shared. First was our neighbor just saying great things about P. The sad part was she said "hopefully" he is in a good place. But the Lord is so good. I couldn't have imagined a service much more the P would have wanted it. Because after she shared about the "hopefully", like four people went up and shared the gospel. Each in the unique way and how sure we were that he was with the Lord. It was great. People keep saying what a legacy he left here in such a short amount of time.
This afternoon after naps, I took A out on our friends' swing set and explained to her what happened to P. I explained that when daddy went to school he got really sick, so when he got home he had to go to the hospital. I explained that because he was so sick and the doctors could not take care of him, God thought it best to take him to heaven where he wouldn't be sick anymore and won't be sad anymore. She listened to all this then asked, "where that mommy?" So I pointed to the sky and explained God has a place for His children there. I then told her that she wouldn't be able to see daddy again, but that we could look at lots of pictures and videos. Then she said she wanted to see pictures, so we went to the room and looked at a book we made for P for father's day. A book about why anna loves daddy with pictures that go with it. She enjoyed that.
Please continue to pray for us. I haven't slept in a while, so if you could pray for good sleep. Also they are trying to get us out of here Thursday morning our time. All the paperwork needs to be in place to go, so please pray for that. We will be bringing P to Chicago where all the arrangements will then be made.
Thank you.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Perfect faithfulness
"O Lord you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago"
P has taught me what this verse means throughout our relationship. Always bringing me back to it. I am sorry to inform so many friends and family that P is now with the Lord.
We are doing a small service here tomorrow, Chicago time 11pm, with neighbors, friends and family in Christ. After the service, A and I will head over to the states with P and have a service there.
The Lord is good everyone!!! P was the greatest man I ever knew... he was godly, loving, friendly, and well you all know...
A and I are currently at a friends house. There are lots of people helping us take care of the service, paperwork, just everything... so please do not worry. Just keep praying everything will go smoothly.
Yes this is sad... I lost a loved one... as so did a lot of you reading this, but I know more than anything P would not want us to be sad. He'd want us to rejoice in his going home. He's just up there playing tennis with the Lord waiting for each of us to join him.
Thank you for your prayers, love, and support.
E
P has taught me what this verse means throughout our relationship. Always bringing me back to it. I am sorry to inform so many friends and family that P is now with the Lord.
We are doing a small service here tomorrow, Chicago time 11pm, with neighbors, friends and family in Christ. After the service, A and I will head over to the states with P and have a service there.
The Lord is good everyone!!! P was the greatest man I ever knew... he was godly, loving, friendly, and well you all know...
A and I are currently at a friends house. There are lots of people helping us take care of the service, paperwork, just everything... so please do not worry. Just keep praying everything will go smoothly.
Yes this is sad... I lost a loved one... as so did a lot of you reading this, but I know more than anything P would not want us to be sad. He'd want us to rejoice in his going home. He's just up there playing tennis with the Lord waiting for each of us to join him.
Thank you for your prayers, love, and support.
E
Sunday, June 15, 2008
update on P
P is being sent to the ICU. He has a little bit of pneumonia, but not enough to make his breathing as difficult as it is right now. Please pray for healing and wisdom for the doctors as they try to find what is wrong. Thanks.
Happy daddy day
Today before P went to the hospital, I told A to say, "Happy daddy day!" and she said, "Happy birthday daddy!" Then asked me to sing the birthday song. She's so funny. Please pray for her to as I feel that she knows something is going on, but really doesn't understand everything. Please pray for a heart of peace. Happy daddy day!!!
Hospital
P was not doing good today, so after getting advice from a friend, we decided it was best to have P admitted to the hospital. We think he may have pneumonia. His dengue is getting better according to yesterday's blood tests. Today when he was taking a nap in our living room, I could hear him breathing from our room. He sounded like he had just finished running a marathon. So please continue to pray ... for healing, that the doctors will have knowledge, that P's body will react to medicine (he hasn't been able to sleep for over a week and hasn't eaten well for that long also), for friends that are helping out, for our family as again we have to spend time apart. Thanks... We'll keep you posted.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Hard Month
We are finally back together as a family as our month apart has come to an end. But for us to get to this place took a lot out of us. The first two weekends P came to visit us at home, but it was so quick. But the third week, P got sick and so E and A went up to see him. Except that P's sickness went on another week. Week number three's illness was arrhythmias and the doctor told P to rest. We found out on Wednesday and it was pretty stressful for us. But Thursday night after praying, the Lord was gracious in healing P. That night and Friday he did not feel his heart bothering him. Praise the Lord. The thing is Friday P started to get a fever. While E and A visited, P got enough strength to spend some time with E and A, but stayed sick the rest of the week. P has dengue fever, but now on top of that he has a bacterial infection somewhere in his body that is taking everything out of him. Please pray for quick recovery as we have some BIG events coming up in the next few weeks. Please pray for the doctors to find what's wrong and also for P's body to respond to medication. Please pray for all of us as we have had a tough month being apart, now with the sickness and just being tired. Thanks.
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