Sometimes

Sometimes God takes you down a path you do not like. Sometimes God takes you down a road full of pain and hurts. Sometimes God takes you to a place that's full of sorrow and grief. Sometimes God takes you to a pool of tears and you add yours. But God is always the ones that goes with you. These weeks back in the states, the Lord has taken me through paths that I did not want to go, paths that I had to deal with pain and hurts. I just keep holding on to the truth that He is with me each and every step of the way.

I remember when P and I had our first confrontation as a married couple. We each had different ways that we were used to dealing with things and some were unhealthy. He of course more mature and wise than I decided very early on that we were not going to continue those bad habits. I remember specifically after this fight, him laying the law down as the man of the house. I hated this confrontation mainly because I was not used to it.... to seriously have to deal with problems and it was painful to hear from someone you really love of the wrong you were doing. But firmly my wonderful husband lead us into new paths of a healthy relationship. It was painful and took time to establish, but we did. (So glad he did because I now desire so much to have a healthy relationship with everyone.)

That is just an example of how God had to take me down a path of something I did not like in order for P and I to have a healthy relationship...

Today I had a girls night and I had a lot of fun. As JM drove me home, we had some deep conversations. I realize how God's grace helped me in my grief. I dove right into the darkest pit to see light as soon as possible. I really feel the Lord took me down some really good healthy roads for me to see the light at the end of a dark dark tunnel... But tonight I wonder if I need to dive into life. Grieving takes some part of life and reality out, you constantly go back and forth from knowing that what happened is real to really wishing still that it wasn't or sometimes wondering if it could have been a dream. I wonder, if I have grieved healthy (which I sense I really have), is it now time to see if I'm living life healthy. I don't know if that makes sense... and I'm not sure if it really makes sense to me fully, but I do understand what I'm trying to say. The sense of "now what" after grieving has set in. (Again I am under no notion that I am done grieving. I know that this will always be a part of my life.)

So sometimes God takes us down these paths unbeknown to us how wonderful it is... I am ready to see some serious wonderful at the end of this dark dark tunnel I just walked through for so long. (That may sound like there have been no wonderfuls... there have been tons, but I hope you get what I mean.)

Happy Thanksgiving

I woke up this morning to my bro talking from the basement. Being with the P's is definitely a different experience. Family, but has it's own uniqueness... loud talking and so many extroverts. I'm an extrovert, but I get out-extroverted by 90% of the family. Crazy. It's been a good time here and the two weeks are about to end.

Today we had our Thanksgiving. You know everyone is thinking about P with A and me sitting there, but seems like acceptance has come around the table.

Foods galore at the table. Before I sat at the table, I was in my room finishing up my quiet time with the Lord and I was just overwhelmed by the thought of all the food at the table and all those that do not have... How do we balance blessing and not feeling guilty, but still give as the Lord says that we should give?

Last night I was at a gathering where I shared a little bit, but afterward a mom came to pick up her daughter and told us her plans for Thanksgiving... she was going to go to the shelter and help feed the poor. My desire is to make that tradition for A and I, maybe next year, we could give to those in need and have good food for us later.

The Lord gives and takes away... Everything we have is a gift from God. I would like to encourage us as a people of God to care more about others, that's how our heart beats with His. He is all about the poor, the orphans and the widows... Let's care for them.

Things that make you smile

The Lord is good, gracious in all that He does. His grace is sufficient for me and I find that as I am in this workshop for the week, He is full of grace.

Leading up to this week, I sensed the Lord was going to make this week great. I sat in the intro the first night and just was in awe of what the Lord was saying... He is going to do wonders.

I am excited and covet your prayers that the Lord will continue to work in my heart during this week and the hearts of those here.

As I walk around campus, I can't help but think of the time P and I were here together and I just wanted to share something. Maybe I shared this before, but I just smiled as I thought about this.

We were married a little over a year and had a two month old the first time we came here together. Now there are a lot of frogs and lizards here since it is on the southern part of the states. Anyway, I remember one night we were walking back to our room and I saw something moving near our door and I think I jumped like a foot in the air and yelled. Of course others laughed and P just shooed it away (it was a frog) then went on our way to the room. Once we got to the room, P said, "I'm really worried about you. There are going to be so many things crawling around when we move to Indonesia, are you going to be okay?" I mean genuine concern that I wasn't going to make it.

I look back now and just laugh... Nothing really gets me now... I've lived with lizards on my wall for years... cockroaches, ants, spiders, rats that are as big as my hand and forearm... and 16 months out of those years were without P. Wouldn't he be surprised at what I am doing now. I mean seriously...

So the things that make you smile...

work

It's interesting the ways the Lord works in your heart. It's hard at first and you think, "woah, I'm not ready for this?" But as you see Him working in your heart and speaks to you in different ways, you know that in the end, the Lord will have the best for you.

I'm getting worked on... At first it was hard... Now I'm excited to see where He is going to lead me. Please pray for me as I continue to work on hearing HIM.

Please pray for us...

* we leave Thursday for Florida a week and then to Kansas. Pray for a safe trip and good travels.
* we will be visiting friends and family. Pray for our time.
* as we embark on more adventures and journeys, especially for A's heart as it may be hard for her as we travel.

thank you all for praying for us!!