Singing in the Rain

Do you ever wonder if the pains of the external are caused by the hidden pains of the internals?  Do you ever wonder if your body is really reacting to the pains that are being kept in a dark place in your heart because you don’t know what to do with it?  Some times I know that is true of my pain…

Thursday I had this awful pain in my right shoulder.  I was in so much pain I had to lie on the floor and not move for about an hour.  Well for the past few days, I have been using the ice hot pads, icing and taking tons of ibuprofen.  In the uncertainties of the cause of the pain, I found myself on edge.  I was impatient with A and feeling a bit uneasy.  And it hit me today as I opened a can of diet coke and on the side it said, "share with a friend".  I took a picture of that and sent it to my girls in Chicago...  I missed them so much and I really hadn't been dealing with my loss and pain since I had been so busy trying to help A with hers.  Then this evening, one of those girls called me and we were on the phone for like 40 minutes talking about life, sharing stories, laughing and talking about how much we missed each other and each other's kids...  That did some soul care for me.  After talking to her I noticed that some of the pressure pain I was feeling on my should was diminishing.  I am a very stress sick kind of person...  I mean I get sick easily when I'm stressed and under stress I find myself struggling with muscle aches and upset stomachs...  I may have really hurt my shoulder since I was playing in the pool with a bunch of kids the day before, but that may have not been all of it.  I forget to take care of my heart at times and find myself kicking myself in the butt for not being attentive to myself.

A few days ago, A and I went on an errand.  This particular day A was having a hard day.  She wanted to go back "home to Chicago" and was just being difficult.  But I had an appointment to go to and she just had to suck it up and deal with it for a little while.  As we drove to my appointment, we could see the clouds rolling in.  It was a bit early for rain from what we had experienced, so I didn't think much of it.  I parked my car and we went into the appointment.  As we are in there the rain started pouring down.  I mean it was buckets of rain coming down with winds blowing, so the rain was actually coming sideways.  The guy who was helping me at the appointment was like, "I better finish this fast just in case the electricity goes out and we lose everything."  Anyway... my errand was done and we had a choice, do we run for the car or wait it out?  It didn't look like it was going to end any time soon, so we decided to run for the car, in which that day, I parked pretty far.  So A and I booked it to the car, meanwhile every inch of our body was soaked and A and I were laughing the whole run.  We get in the car and A shouts, "THIS IS AWESOME!!!"  

It's funny how A just needed a downpour of rain to help her in her need to go home and I needed a friend to call and talk to me.  

Transition is hard.  Taking care of ourselves is hard.  But dealing with it in strides and making sure you know the signs of your spiritual, emotional and physical health is so important in living a overall healthy life.  

I miss Chicago.  I miss my friends.  I miss my neighbor who leaves little goodies on our door.  I miss my friends in DP where I could call around to see if they could take A for an afternoon while I go to get pampered.  I miss going to church and though I'm alone, I know there is someone that will want to sit with me.  I miss the pool we go to in the summer.  I miss the knowns.  I miss Portillos - chopped salad and cheese fries with a diet coke.  

I love that we live a block from our community pool and we could walk there everyday for a couple hours and play.  I love that there is a Menchies right across the street from our house.  I love that our house has an extra room where people could come and visit.  I love that the people we know here are being proactive in getting us connected and helping us through this transition.   

There are always ups and downs in change.  

I was talking to someone here and they were telling me how it took them two years before they finally felt like they weren't on a long vacation.  I remember it took us six months before we felt like Indo was somewhat home.  I know it's going to take time...  I also know that once school starts and work starts for us that will help.  Yet as for now... the roller coaster ride continues, but until then, random times of singing in the rain will have to do.

new means mourning...

it has been a week and four days since we arrived in orlando.  so much has happened in these past few months and all of that was in preparation to come here... packing, visiting with people, parties and more parties, good byes and see you laters...  then a three day drive to orlando...

now that we are here and starting the new, we find ourselves also mourning the old.  we both miss our home and our friends, our church family and are finding ourselves comparing, not on purpose but would be like, "remember in chicago..."  new is good, but it is also a sad and hard time.  we love our new house and have been making it a very "P girls"-ish house.  there are definite touches of us all over the house... our favorite is our new pink pull out couch that we got for our guest/entertainment room.

as i transition and begin to settle here, i realize that these past couple months i haven't had time, space or the strength to sit and think and reflect on that's going on, i just kept going, had things to do and i was the only one that could get it done.  saturday our friend, JM, who drove with us to orlando left... that departure set it off for me to begin my grief and really feel the void of all the knowns.  today A is at a camp where she will be picked up and dropped off daily for this week.  my drive home after dropping her off was full of tears.  tears of sadness, tears of grief, tears of relief, tears of joy, tears of mourning, tears of release...

it's only been a week and four days, but it feels like so long ago.  JM and i worked night and day trying to get so much done before she left so that i didn't have to do so much on my own.  there are still things to get done, but i feel like i need to give my body a rest.  our new place has stairs, which my body is not used to.  :)  so carrying heavy things up and down the stairs about 100 times a day, my legs are soar, my body is soar and my heart just needs some time to catch up to where we are.  that's why instead of emptying the few boxes i have left and sorting through things and even making calls i need to make, i'm taking time to cry, blog and even rest today so that my heart, mind and body could all be together feeling and experiencing the same thing.  i think in the midst of chaos and getting things done, we automatically numb certain parts of us so that we could get the work done, which works for some time, but if you do that too long, it's going to backfire and you'll find yourself in a mess.  i don't want to be in that state, so...  today is a jj heller, tea and a good book kind of day.

thank you so much everyone for praying for us during this time of our life and continuing to support us in so many ways.  please continue to pray for us as we settle...  MY BIGGEST PRAYER REQUEST RIGHT NOW IS FINDING A CHURCH COMMUNITY.  we have visited a couple and are continuing seeking, but please pray that we could find a good fit.

we live in a townhouse.  our backyard is all woods and off to the right (about 50 feet) there is a pond and this is what we get to see during the day.  God's creation is so beautiful!!