it's no grant park...

it was no grant park or oakton community college, but this town had a pretty good show of fireworks to welcome the new year. A has been sick with a cold and i decided we weren't going to go to the neighborhood ho-down. A went to bed at her usual time and i watched a movie. then at 11:45 things got wild. horns were blown by kids all over and the beginning of the fireworks started. people were walking up and down our pathway... so i put my sweatshirt on and went outside to be greeted by my friend, N, who gave me the traditional kiss on both cheeks. we watched the fireworks and greeted all the people that went by the house, saying "selamat tahun baru". then i heard my phone ring... i came inside and my dear good friend AH called to wish me a happy new year as she ate cereal on the other end of the world!!! what a great way to enter 2010... people i love here and people i love across the world. happy new year and i pray that everyone's new year would be far greater than anything we could plan or imagine, the Lord is good in that way!!!

**now the after show has started with traditional music playing from a nearby music center... i could hear it loud and clear here. it's going to be a long night. ha ha...**

again

matthew 22 had the sentence... verse 14 from what i wrote about yesterday... for many are called but few are chosen... i get the verse, but i have some questions about it. it's an interesting verse.... i'll let you know what i discover.

tomorrow we are heading out for a week. we are having a real vacation. i'm very excited about this... lots of friends we call family here are going... A will have lots of "cousins" to play with and i'll have some nice adult conversations!!! we will be back the 7th.

please pray for safe travels and a great refreshing time for us both.

see you all next year!!

2009 coming to an end...

how do i summarize 2009? what were the highlights?

one way to summarize... God is good and faithful. throughout all our highlights... moving into a new house in the beginning of the year... trip after trip - LA, florida, kansas,... moving around the world... healing in new ways... earthquakes... working... discovering God's plan, one step at a time, one day at a time...

what do i look forward to in 2010??

nothing more than what has happen this year. i want to continue to see God's goodness and faithfulness each step of the way throughout 2010. i continually want to see more of Jesus in me and less of me. i want more than anything, people who do not have a relationship with Jesus, to come before Him and start an amazingly great relationship. people to be set free in the same of Jesus from bondage that are enslaving them. i also want to learn daily to be a better parent... loving, patient and encouraging... there are some other things i am looking forward to in 2010... but these are some big things in my heart.

____________________________________________________________________________________

those were just some thoughts i had. but this is actually why i started this blog... matthew 20:16. everyone i think memorizes this verse... "So the last will be first and the first will be last." this week as i read it, i was shocked that the NKJV had something the NIV did not at the end... "So the last will be first and the first will be last, For many are called, but few are chosen." that last part of the verse has thrown me for a loop. what does it mean? anyone?

the context this verse comes from is the parable of the workers in the vineyard, which is describing what heaven is like. all of the workers got to work, but all of them worked different amount of hours, but they all got the same wage... so i get the whole first will be last and last shall be first stuff, but what's it mean that many are called, but few are chosen? this is what i am pondering these days.

we are all called, then what does it mean to be chosen? apparently they were all in the vineyard which represents heaven right?

i love getting stumped like this. i get into good discussions with people and learn a lot about the word.

a few weeks ago, i was in an intense text message with AB about another verse i had questions on. it was good to learn the culture and stuff that i didn't know that goes into understanding the Word. it's pretty cool stuff reading the bible... especially when you are stuck. i feel that's when you learn the most. one word could make such a difference in understanding the word or making it just a little unclear. the thing that i love the most is when i learn how in the original language the word has more than one meaning where english just uses one word for the multiple words, which are similar enough, but could make things so much more clearer and more meaningful.

anyway... i just wanted to put out there something i've been thinking about.

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this year was a great year i have to say. i've learned so much, grown so much and come so far... it's exciting to see what next year will bring... you can't stop learning... you keep growing and although you've come far, you could always go a little further...

praying for a great year for many of you!!! come on 2010!!!

Christmas 2009

**cousins**



**my gift from A**



**A and her stocking stuff**


This year unlike last year, we went back to our family traditions. Last year it was too hard... but this year, I wanted to go back to what P, A and I did together. So here are some things we did...

1. P and I enjoyed watching the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy throughout the month of December. So I did that. I have to say, I learned so much this time around that I feel that I really didn't think about before.

2. Christmas Eve we did stockings. Usually P would wake me up at midnight to do the stockings, but I was not going to do that with A. So after we got home from our Candlelight service Christmas Eve Night, A and I sat down to open our stockings. I was a little sad since my stocking had only one thing in it... unlike those past years with tons of all the goodies I like that P would fill it with... Diet Coke being one of them.

3. Christmas morning we woke up and after washing up, we sang "Silent Night" and "Joy to the World". P would like to sing "Silent Night" in all the languages we knew how to sing between the two of us... So we would sing in English, Korean, German, and Indonesian. ha ha... This is year we just sang it in English. Then we read from Luke 2, the adult bible and the children's bible. After we prayed, we opened presents.

4. Our family tradition was for me to make breakfast burritos on special days. I haven't done it this whole time since P died... Christmas morning, I made breakfast burritos. A said that it was so good. it was funny...

One tradition I want to add, but didn't get to because it rained on Christmas is to do fireworks. I bought sparkles for us. Maybe we could do it tonight or something.

Christmas was a little sad in the morning, some tears were shed, both by A saying she missed her daddy and me.

Later in the day, we had a fabulous time with our family here. Had a great lunch and wonderful desserts. Watched some pre-recorded football, from last year, but who cares right. We did presents and throughout the time, tried to digest the over consumed food in our bellies.

I guess Christmas is what you make it huh? What family traditions are and how our individual hearts are during this season... I want to instill in A's heart our desire to remember Christ and the awesome thing he has done for us.

apologies

i would like to apologize for my last blog. i think i could have offended a lot of people and may have even seemed like a scrooge. so i would like to say sorry.

i wanted to explain where and how that all came about.

a couple weeks ago, kids came over to play with A... they asked about the christmas tree and the presents under it. i tried to explain it and somehow put the story of Christ in it, but i really couldn't. i saw no correlation. later a friend said that next time they ask i could explain how Christ was a gift to us and that's why we give presents to each other. okay... i was satisfied with that answer to give them, but it wasn't enough for me.

i feel like my heart is like going through what cindy lou was going through in the grinch who stole christmas. what does it really mean? it represents Christ's birthday, but actually that's not how it started. it was a very secular day. anyway... in all this process and me personally getting a little stressed with the shopping, with the little time i have, and honestly a little frustrated with trying to figure out what the center of christmas really is in MY HEART, i wrote that post.

i hope that no one was offended and if you were, i'm sorry or thought i was trying to push something... i don't know what i want to push for myself now anyway... again just keep thinking about where my heart is in this.

thanks...

ugh

so i'm just not happy with the amount of shopping that goes into christmas. everyone's facebook status has something to do with shopping for christmas, finishing up their shopping for christmas, or how they are stressed about shopping. PR put a quote by Pastor John Piper on his facebook... "One of the great uses of twitter and facebook will be to prove on the last day that praylessness was not from lack of time..." - John Piper

the other day i saw a challenge on facebook about using facebook to share Christ.

okay now i'm going on a tangent. i was talking about shopping for christmas. anyway... i'm thinking of maybe starting next year, not shopping. i'm still thinking... but i feel it takes away from the true meaning of christmas. i mean we spend almost a whole month shopping for family and friends in preparation for christmas, but how much time do we ready our hearts to remember the remarkable thing that God did for us?

i say this because it's been gnawing at my heart these days... this is a totally awesome day... and yet... so much of my time was spent on other things. if i would just stop and think of what this day actually means for me and all mankind... and when i do... my heart is just bowed before the throne... my goodness... for me Lord? i'm telling you it's so utterly amazing if you think about it. God in flesh for you and me... to think of such a humble king... my mind can't quite comprehend yet it is so grateful... there are no words to express how i feel, even now as i type this, of this miraculous day that will be here in 5 days...

dreaded day has come

my friend told me of a time when her daughter came into bed in the morning. after having said their morning greetings, the little girl told my friend that her breath smelled bad... said something like her breath smelled like fish or something to that effect.

that dreaded day came the other day... as A came into my bed one morning and lay with me. she told me that my breath was stinky. ugh so sad... ha ha...

From A

**she chose this picture to put up with her little message**

annmgjuyyaqszxd ghjdwsqasxdffcc ggggfrdddffee gggggtyhffgdfd ggtdeews3w tgtrrrrrr rteterweqw yhhgftddsejfg ghttgeugg nfhjyrthrtftdrfsafethhyyrehhgggyfbyyhhgggnbnhvhgbbnbhbbbhgghh hhfggyfgf hhfjhvufgvfghuhgggyrgygvfgfy7ttrhufgvbngfvc hfygrgt hhy7ety3dbv b heyfre heygey heytyr vdgvfterf3efe gftew5rettedftftfrfvfdewrrde gytdv gdffh gdgcv cdgdyg gdhc chfhdc cvhf gcfgvc vfvgvccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyyyy76rrrrr
rdsdrsdwrdsdsswsffwyrwtdddddwrwerwwses4er4wddrrdsrssdssdtfrfqayrqdrdrqer
qsaesesqsadtttt3w2eteffgfg
fffvahdrffr ytfffwder gtfrdfd gywedrddd vvfff gtdfddddc vc gdhefdedfdfv gdyteyed

anna (A typed her own name, i couldn't erase it... she's so proud she found the letters)

blessed be the name of the Lord

**my dear friend KS went to memory park for A and me on P's birthday. i thought i would share the pictures she shared with me. thanks KS for doing that... you are awesome!!**

18 months ago... i had a nightmare... but it was a nightmare that would not end... for days i would sleep, but couldn't sleep... oh to just sleep and wake up and the nightmare would be over... but it was reality... a really hard, blow in the stomach, knock you out reality... as days, weeks, months and what seems like years passed... this nightmare was bearable and i could see little by little the blessings that came from it. i'm not saying that this was at all a good thing or a great thing at that, but that God can use bad things for good... He can turn bad to bring glory to Himself... and i think that's what He did and is still doing in all that has happened.

as Job was tested... he says, "the Lord gives and He takes away, but my heart will choose to say Lord blessed be your name". (not directly from the bible, but the idea...) this is what i want to choose to say daily... God you are the one that gives and you are the one that takes... so nightmares may come and the earth may shake and i may be faint and weary, but i am going to choose to say in all these circumstances... Blessed be the name of the Lord.

18 months, what seems like years, has been quite a journey for both A and i, but He is good... that's all i have to say. i can't do squat, but He can... so therefore here i am miles and miles away from family and friends, obeying what the Lord has for me, not because i can, but because He does.

tomorrow is the last day of work before a 3 week vacation. i am very excited and can't wait to spend time with my daughter and friends.

please continue to pray for safety and also for us as the holidays approach.

feeling loved

yesterday in the afternoon i got a chance to sit down and talk to women in my neighborhood. we haven't seen each other in a while, with my teaching schedule, i just haven't been around much to hang out with the ladies. so yesterday i was talking to a few women and they were asking me if i was going back to the states for Christmas. i told them how i wasn't going. then they asked if anyone was coming. i told them that no one was coming. then they said, "kasihan", which is the same as "pobrecita" in spanish... like poor girl... i was explaining to them that it was okay because i was going to friends' house. but they kept talking to each other, not me, as to how they should come over on christmas and stay with me since they are my family. then one of the ladies looked over at me and said, "but i can't sleep over okay." i felt so loved and cared for. they told me not to hesitate to have them over and spend christmas together. it was great. now i'm trying to think of a way to make it happen some how. i'm praying about it. please pray with me. i want to receive their love, but also enjoy the day to remember Christ.

Awesome

P told me how BB would say how you need to use a capital A when you say God is Awesome. that's what i want to say today. God is Awesome. there are stories to be told... maybe some day you will be able to hear those stories... but til then, just keep praying for the Awesomeness of God that is happening in our life.

He's Alive

do you know that song...

God's not dead... He's alive... God's not dead... He's alive

well just wanted to let you know that even though i know this in my head and i know this in my heart... i had a truly amazing experience of this this weekend...

woo hoo... guys... God's not dead... He's alive

please pray about this amazing experience. although i cannot share here, God knows, so please just pray.

question

so i've been praying about how there are few workers... the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few, please send out more workers. as i prayed about it, i wondered why there are so few workers when there are so many believers. granted i know that we are all called to different things, but are we not all supposed to be sold out for Christ? are we not all supposed to be ambassadors for Christ? are we not all supposed to pick up the cross and follow Jesus? are we not all supposed to His witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth? so why are we lacking workers in the field? please pray for more workers all over.

i was listening to louie giglio and he said that in a certain country for every 700,000 unbelievers there is only 1 worker. can you calculate that and what that means? how are we going to accomplish this is there are few workers? O LORD we need more workers!!!!

smoke...

a cloud of smoke just went by our house. the machine that was blowing this poisonous smoke was so loud our cat ran from room to room scared. this loud cloud of poisonous smoke to kill all the mosquitoes. the government usually does this when there are reports of dengue fever in a certain area. PRAISE GOD that neither A or i got it, but this smoke is not funny business. i remember the first time we ever experienced this... P and i were in class and the smoke started to seep into the windows of our classroom... soon i was feeling light headed and thought i was going to pass out. here i am in my bedroom feeling a little light headed, but okay for the most part. usually they ask to come into the houses, but today they did not. last time, our helper was smart enough and didn't let them in.

so what does this mean... well they come around to kill the mosquitoes, but i'm not going to out for a while, because what ends up happening is all the bugs... cockroaches and what not come crawling out of everywhere struggling... and so many are found dead in the streets... they just walk around like a drunk and then die.

the worst part of all this... children think it's the best thing in the world this man coming around with all this smoke, so they chase the man... follow him throughout the neighborhoods right behind him. of course probably generations of children have probably done this, so it's probably not a big deal for the people here... oh well.

PRAISE GOD, A is out with Aunt S, Christmas shopping for mom. usually P would take her shopping, even though she doesn't buy, from when she was a baby, they would get things for me together. last year TR did a great job and took A shopping for me without me even knowing. this year i have asked SG to take A for a little lesson on buying for mom too... so she is missing this incredibly exciting smoke.

PRAISE GOD, for a little time to myself. i'm enjoying this time of rest. maybe i'll take a little rest since A is out and i'm alone at home by myself... rarely happens.

Selamat Ulang Tahun

**P enjoying a steak for one of his birthdays**


**P's girls that he is proud of**



My Dear P...

Happy Birthday. I guess you would have been 31 huh? Today we did some things to remember you... although A asked why we were doing anything since you are in heaven. So we did things, but it really was only me.

We went to buy some flowers this morning to plant around the house. I finally got some hanging plants that I've wanted since forever... They even had poinsettias, so I got a couple of those for the house. Happy Christmas.

We also had a good time with a few people we know... then... we went to watch a movie, A Christmas Carol. It wasn't good for A... a little scary, but she kept saying, "I'm brave" then when the movie ended happy, she told me she was only a little scared and that she liked the movie. She's so cute.

In honor of you, we went out for pizza. It was good. A and I got two cupcakes and brought it home to eat. Now I'm watching your favorite movie, but am wondering why in the world you even like this movie? You're a weirdo sometimes... I'm fast forwarding through a lot of the movie... You liked the movie so much you had a xanga account in the character's name. (I shake my head as I type this.)

KS said that she will go to memory park for me today... she's going to take you a little something from us. You know we'd be there if we were there... but friends are great. (KS thanks for going for me)

You know I would have made this a good one... just like the other ones, right?

I love you and miss you, always will. Hate that you're gone, but doing pretty darn good... God's been good. You'd be proud of your girls... especially A... she's growing up to be such a beautiful girl... today I thought she needs her daddy to take on all those guys that will be following her around. She already has a little boy at school who follows her out just to say good-bye. You'd be proud of your girls... I love you.

Happy Birthday buddy...

Love...

Your Es girl...

promotion

**A reading her bible in the train**



**Uncle A and A caught a lot of fish**



**me and my baby**

so usually i say, i'm not promoting something... today i am. please if you get a chance pick up the book, "magnificent obsession" by anne graham lotz. i've heard her speak and now reading this book, i'm so in love with her. the book is so challenging and makes you want to shout Jesus in all that you do and say....

throughout the book, i'm halfway done, but i feel the Lord speaking directly to my heart with the questions she is asking in the book. He's definitely using this book to mold me and shape me more...

my question... why do we let ourselves be so mediocre?

read the book....


______________________________________________________________________________________

wednesday is P's birthday... he would have been 31 years old... today i told A that we will do something for daddy's birthday... and she said, "but mommy, he's in heaven." it's definitely for me. i told her it was just to remember daddy and she smiled and asked what i wanted to do. :)

we were totally birthday people... we would start celebrating at least a month ahead, he usually did two months ahead for me. my first birthday together we celebrated almost a whole month... ha ha...

i miss enjoying special days together.

______________________________________________________________________________________

I LOVE CHRISTMAS. i miss the snow and stuff, but Christmas is so great... to think of Jesus coming down on this earth in the most lowly way possible for little me... it's such a joyful season... brings hope to all peoples...

I love decorating for Christmas. we now have different presents under the tree. so excited!!! A is definitely excited too. Trying to make the focus Jesus and not the gifts though. Please pray for that.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A said some cute things...

**we were on the way to see some friends on the train. as a way to entertain my daughter, we played a game... i asked, "what do you smell with?" she would answer, "nose."
"what do you eat with?"
"your teeth"
"what do you see with"
"eyes"
"what do you feel with?"
"hands"
"what do you hear with?"
"ears"
"what do you think with?"
"eyes"
"wait you just said you see with your eyes. you think with your brain A."
"no mommy i think with my eyes"
then A furrows her eyebrows and says... "see".
I LAUGHED SO HARD!!!!

**on the way back we were playing another game...
i asked, "who's smaller, you or me?"
A answered, "me"
"who's taller?"
"you"
"who's bigger?"
"you"
"who's smarter?"
"me"
"who's got longer hair?"
"you"
"who's prettier?"
"we're the same"

more pictures

**this is A's school pet... there are two of them**



**what we had for thanksgiving... mmmm it was so juicy and good**



**A is now writing... isn't this beautiful... i'm so proud of her**

some pictures

**A and her friends... they are both 2 years older than her**



**this is a good friend of mine... she has the same name as me and we lived at her house the first two weeks coming into country**



**we went on a family retreat last weekend with our church here... the children practiced a song while we were in seminars about parenting and then performed it for us... i cried**



**these are some friends**



**this is also a good friend of mine. she really encourages me through word and prayer**

Let's be radical

Radical= fundamental, thorough, advocating fundamental change.
Fundamental = essential or primary, basic.

Let’s be radical. When I think of radical, I think of people who are extreme, but according to the definitions, it’s not. It’s being thorough, basic…

Let’s be radical. Go back to the teachings of Jesus… Do as He wants us to. I’ve been reading Matthew… I love it. Jesus is so clear in what we are to do and believe. Why aren’t we living that way?

Let’s be radical. Stand up to what is unbiblical. Jesus said to be in the world, but not of it… so how come so many of us… nonbelievers can’t tell if we are followers of Jesus?

Let’s be radical. I remember about a year ago, Pastor SC from Bethel did a sermon on how following Jesus is supposed to be hard. It ain’t easy people… it’s not supposed to be. We are going to be persecuted for what we believe in; it says so in the Bible. But the Lord promises to strengthen us and reward us for our actions for His Name Sake.

Let’s be radical. SO people could know Him. Our lives need to reflect Him. That means choosing to say no to Satan when he tempts you to sin. That means standing up for Jesus… In the book “Magnificent Obsession” Anne Graham Lotz tells of a story of her son.
**The situation reminded me of our son, Jonathan, when he was a teenager attending the large public high school. One afternoon when he came home, he said he had been changing classes when another student rudely bumped into him, then verbally assaulted him, using profanity to curse Jonathan – and Jesus. Jonathan described how he grabbed the kid by the front of the shirt, threw him up against the locker, leaned in about an inch from his face, and said firmly, “Listen, buddy, you’re talking about my Savior, the One who died to take away my sins and yours. Watch your mouth.”
Then he let go, and the kid crumpled to the floor. When Jonathan told me this story, there was a big grin stretched across his face. He concluded with, “Mom, it felt so good!”
It does feel good to boldly identify with God… right in the face of those who use His name in vain!**

Let’s be radical… for Jesus.

Please pray for A and myself. Cover us in prayer as Satan attacks us in any way he can to get us down. I sometimes forget how everyday is a battle… forget to put on my armor before I start the day… Pray that I will continually and only trust in our Savior in all that happens today and tomorrow.

Please pray for us as we are going to see AB and TB. It’s just great to be with them and A is totally psyched about fishing and swimming. Pray for safety in travel. We will be back Sunday.

Please pray for us as P’s birthday is this coming week and also with Christmas coming up. Pray for us as we deal with emotions and just the hardness that comes with being so far away from family and friends during the holidays, especially when one is gone til we meet in glory.

**I apologize for not blogging as well… especially since I yell at my friends back in the states to please update theirs. Our schedule is pretty swamped during the week. I’ll try harder.**