Sometimes

Sometimes God takes you down a path you do not like. Sometimes God takes you down a road full of pain and hurts. Sometimes God takes you to a place that's full of sorrow and grief. Sometimes God takes you to a pool of tears and you add yours. But God is always the ones that goes with you. These weeks back in the states, the Lord has taken me through paths that I did not want to go, paths that I had to deal with pain and hurts. I just keep holding on to the truth that He is with me each and every step of the way.

I remember when P and I had our first confrontation as a married couple. We each had different ways that we were used to dealing with things and some were unhealthy. He of course more mature and wise than I decided very early on that we were not going to continue those bad habits. I remember specifically after this fight, him laying the law down as the man of the house. I hated this confrontation mainly because I was not used to it.... to seriously have to deal with problems and it was painful to hear from someone you really love of the wrong you were doing. But firmly my wonderful husband lead us into new paths of a healthy relationship. It was painful and took time to establish, but we did. (So glad he did because I now desire so much to have a healthy relationship with everyone.)

That is just an example of how God had to take me down a path of something I did not like in order for P and I to have a healthy relationship...

Today I had a girls night and I had a lot of fun. As JM drove me home, we had some deep conversations. I realize how God's grace helped me in my grief. I dove right into the darkest pit to see light as soon as possible. I really feel the Lord took me down some really good healthy roads for me to see the light at the end of a dark dark tunnel... But tonight I wonder if I need to dive into life. Grieving takes some part of life and reality out, you constantly go back and forth from knowing that what happened is real to really wishing still that it wasn't or sometimes wondering if it could have been a dream. I wonder, if I have grieved healthy (which I sense I really have), is it now time to see if I'm living life healthy. I don't know if that makes sense... and I'm not sure if it really makes sense to me fully, but I do understand what I'm trying to say. The sense of "now what" after grieving has set in. (Again I am under no notion that I am done grieving. I know that this will always be a part of my life.)

So sometimes God takes us down these paths unbeknown to us how wonderful it is... I am ready to see some serious wonderful at the end of this dark dark tunnel I just walked through for so long. (That may sound like there have been no wonderfuls... there have been tons, but I hope you get what I mean.)