Many asked before I left, what the people’s perspective of a widow is here. I really didn’t know the answer. Had a general idea, but not the specifics.
I feel that maybe I had already written that the word for widow is the same as for a divorcee. One day a friend and I were talking about the different families in the neighborhood. She explained to me that one of the kid’s mom was a “janda” (widow) and she was only 22. My heart ached as I knew her little boy was only 4. My friend went on to explain that this “janda” was going to get married again. Anyway, later I found out she was divorced. My heart still ached for her as she is so young with such a young little boy, but I was a little baffled that she was called a “janda”. I then asked her what the word for widow was and she said it was the same. Literally 80% of the kids that come to our house are from divorced families and their moms are no more than 24 years old. I realized why the kids want so much of my attention when they come over.
Why am I writing about this… I wanted to ask for prayer over this country as well as the world for the broken families. There are so many broken families and so many hurting people, couples and children involved in these broken homes. I ask that we will pray over these people… pray that what God intended for a family will be revived. I ask that people will go back to scripture to find what it means to be married. Men shall love their wives as Christ has loved the church. Women shall honor their husbands and be their helper. Our roles have really been turned upside down. I’m not saying that women should be silent, but go back to scripture and see what it says about the roles of both men and women. (some of you are probably laughing, this coming from me, who was such a feminist, but come on I was in high school) If we could see where God’s heart is for His people in marriage, then there would not be so many divorces. Yes I am living in a country where only like 20% are known to be Christians, but a long time ago… there was a standard. I think of the movies and TV shows I watched while I was growing up and then see what’s on now and I am shocked at what outrageous things kids are watching, so far from what God planned for His people. Let’s pray as a people, those following Jesus, for our fellow brothers and sisters and also for the world that is falling and hurting. Please spend time to seek out those people and spend time in prayer for and with them. Examine your family and see where you are and pray together that God will continue to be the foundation.
The way the world heals their pain is to find something else to take the pain away... but the thing is we need to heal the pain not just take it away, nothing could heal the pain, except for Christ. That’s why there are so many addictions in this world. It pains me to see so much suffering, hurt, abuse, corruption… This is not what the LORD had in mind, but He knew this was going to happen. He is sovereign and believe it or not through all this, He is going to bring glory to Himself. Let’s do that… let’s bring glory to God. Yes it is hard to be the black sheep, but isn’t it worth it for Christ. Stand up to those wrongs.
I was really sad the other day when I had to explain my situation to a group of ladies at A’s school. The first thing that came out of one of ladies mouth was, “You’ll get someone better”. And I almost cried in front of them. One because they didn’t know who P was to say that and two because that is their way of getting over it, just finding something or someone else. I couldn’t really talk anymore… I got up and walked toward A’s classroom.
I was reading in Deuteronomy about the “time of weeping and mourning”. This lasted 30 days. I don’t know much about it and I want to read up on it some more, but I thought of how the Lord made days like that because He knew we needed it. Here, whether you are single, divorced or widowed, the faster you get married the better. It doesn’t matter who you marry, as long as you marry. It doesn’t matter how many times you are married as long as you are not alone. Sad…
So to answer the question of many about what it’s like to be a widow here… I have to say, it takes more thought than in the states.
• I really have to watch what I wear. I try to be neutral, meaning wearing clothes like I used to wear when P was here, or very modest.
• I have to watch the clock. Here if you (a single woman) are out past sundown (the last call to prayer – around 6 pm) without your husband, dad or older brother, then you are looked down upon as a “night girl”, and you know what night girls do. (even if you are engaged, you need to be home, so people won’t think of what you are doing at night together) So I make sure that I am home before then. If I need to go out, I make sure the people that I am going out with come to my house to pick me up, I let my “mom” in front of our house know where I’m going and “ask her permission”, and make sure that those friends drop me off to my door, making sure that those friends are girls and let my “mom” know I’m back. This only happens when I go to small group or out to eat with friends, and that’s not often.
• I am real honest with everyone, so they could see my heart and I feel that they appreciate and respect me for that.
No matter how hard I try to be a polite, well-mannered, proper widow, people are really allowed to think whatever they want and I pray that the Lord will protect me. Let people who need to see or hear me see or hear me, other than that, I pray that the Lord will cover their ears and eyes so that they will not gossip. My helper told me, that no matter how much respect a widow gets, it only takes one thing to give her a bad reputation.
There is a real concern in the hearts of my neighbors, especially my close friends, of my well-being. When I first got here, the ladies asked if I came with my new husband (which they had asked me when I came in November to visit). I told them I didn’t have one and one of the elderly ladies asked if it was against my religion. I laughed and told them of course not. She followed by asking then what my problem was. I told her “Insya Allah”, which means “God willing”. I explained that everything was in His hands and it really was up to Him, but I’m open to whatever. They said that they would help me find someone here and will pray that I will find someone. Ha ha…
I am so blessed to be in this neighborhood again. I feel like because they knew P, they really care for us and don’t say very many inappropriate things that I have heard them say about other “janda”s. People still talk about P. The other day I went to the paint store to buy paint for our entertainment room and the owner wouldn’t stop talking about P. He was telling his workers how P would talk to him all the time and how he was such a nice guy. It was good to hear people remembering him and talking about him.
I started this to talk about people’s perspective on widows, don’t know if I really answered the question. I feel that I went all over the board, but hopefully it was somewhat answered. It is easier for me to be a widow both here and in the states because of the body of Christ. How they are committed to help the widow and the fatherless. I love how Bethel was committed to stand by us while we were in the states and now the body here has been incredible. They are texting me to make sure I’m okay, inviting me to things left and right, picking me up for small group and dropping me off, making sure A has fun and is being served as well. It is truly a blessing. I have embraced my widowhood and am taking it a day at a time to see what the Lord has for me.
Let me end with reminding us, the body of Christ, to pray for and reach out to the broken families. Pray for God’s divine intervention in those families, especially the ones in the church. Pray that God will be known in the lives of families. Pray for healing in the lives of broken families… whether here or there, people are trying to get rid of the pain, the hurt, the rejection with someone/something else… but that is not the answer… pray that they will see Jesus.
** I want to share how God is continuing to lead me in His word. So I finished Proverbs and Deuteronomy and praying on what I should read next. For some reason I went to Jude. I can’t even remember when the last time was that I read that book. Anyway, I read the book (it’s one chapter) and thought of how interesting it was, but wanted more out of it. Today I opened “Today in the Word” that my girls sent me in the package. No kidding the whole “Today n the Word” was devoted to 1, 2, 3, John and Jude, an in depth look on those letters and the topic of false teachings. I was so excited. Thanks girls for sending that. I can’t wait to see what I learn from these letters.**
