sometimes i wonder why we humans cannot be consistent. why is it that one day i wake up with a smile on my face and i feel like nothing in the world could change the joy i feel and other days i wake up and the whole world is on my shoulders? why is it that one day i can turn the whole world upside down and other days i wake up with a defeated feeling? why is it that some days we are so long and patient and other days you are just so full of attitude and you have no idea where it came from?
i wish i had the answer.
these past few days with A being her bad self and me being my bad self... i just kept thinking i wish i could just fix this... go away.
people of this world talk about positive thinking. how if you keep thinking you could do something than you could do it. how if you put your mind to it than it will all turn out. it's kind of like the little train that could... "i think i can, i think i can." and that is probably what the answer to my questions would be if i asked someone... just think happy thoughts in the morning and you'll be happy, but what the world does not know is we are limited... and no matter how much we tell ourselves that, there will be a day we crash.
i realized this yesterday... as i so longed to have a better attitude and wanted to be a better, more patient mom for my baby. there is no way i could do this by myself. and so i prayed when the morning just started out to be a little chaotic... before i reacted, i just prayed that God would help me to be a better mom. and no joke, since yesterday, A has been so much better and i in turn feel like a different woman.
there is a book that i absolutely love called, "big girls don't whine" and it talks about how God wants all His daughters to be big girls. and i think i did a good chunk of whining along with my four year old these past few days... and i just need to start reading her signs and my signs better to be the bigger girl. i don't want A to grow up being a whiny little girl even though she's 30. i need to be an example of a big girl that she would grow to see good patterns of a big girl not a little girl in a big girls body.
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we are so excited to go back to the states. we have 22 more sleeps. things need to be wrapped up here in a lot of different areas. so please pray that i could do everything well. please pray that i would be the big girl in this family and not return to my little girl habits as things could get a little hectic here with packing and stuff. please pray for health for A and me. continue to pray for our visa. - we were promised that it would come out before our departure day, but it wouldn't hurt to pray about it.
please pray for those getting things ready for us stateside. we are very blessed to have such a great family, biological and through Christ, that are so generous.
