Thanks to the R family, I get a night off. All I wanted to do was have a night to do something that I can't do when she's around... but as I was doing them, which was curtain shopping, I found myself realizing what's really going on...
We are in America... We have left our home... our friends. We are setting up a home here and very busy doing it... We are yet in another phase of transition, unsettled lives... I feel overwhelmed and feel myself trying not to go to the "I wish I had a partner to help me with all this" mode. It takes extra energy to try to not go into that mode. I miss P... I know if he were here then he would take care of so many of the things I have to take care of. I know that if he were here, A would not have to play on I-phones or leapsters a lot. If he were here, I wouldn't have to ask for so much help. Don't get me wrong, I love all the people that help me out and appreciate it a lot, but sometimes I wish I wasn't so needy.
Ugh, another realization of the facts of my life. I can't believe in about a month it will have been 3 years. Time sure does pass. I know 3 years is a lot and I have come a long way, but that does not mean that I'm done. I still have days I miss P terribly and there are still days that I just want to cry...
Maybe that's what I will use this night for...
Thank you R's for taking A. Need to go to bed.
