This weekend P's family came to visit us. I'm not sure how it is for them, but I sometimes go into it blinded. I just don't know how it's going to be. I don't think we have all been in Chicago altogether since the funeral. We have been to their place and have seen parts of the family here, but this is the first time I think that we've been here all together. So I don't know if anyone is going to be sad or if there is anything we need to do memory stuff, but I feel like it went well. We had a fun reunion and although the weekend went by very quickly, we had a great time with family, A especially with her cousins.
I have been thinking of seasons... this summer was really hot. I know people think that we would be used to it being in the tropics, but it's just such a different kind of hot here. I was thinking of how when this week it dropped to like 60, everyone started wearing their jackets and vests and sweatshirts... but then I thought of how in spring because we are coming out of the cold, when it hits 60, we put on our shorts and short sleeve shirts and enjoy the sun.
I think of this in terms of grieving. It's just so hot and sensitive when it first happens. We are on edge and hurting. Then you meet the people that... like for me, meeting my in-laws or friends of P's... It's kind of cold and it feels like you need to put on a jacket in the heat of the hurt... You're not sure if they will like you for you or if it is that they liked you just because of the person that is now deceased. Then winter comes, the testing and trying of the relationships... is this really going to work? Are we really going to make it without this person who is not here anymore?? And hopefully some day after having worn the jackets and coats to keep you from the hurt and cold... spring comes... it starts getting warm and you feel that it is working... finally you could take off the jacket. Yes the person is not here, but we start to look past that and start liking, loving each other for who we are, apart from the "glue" that kept us together.
Some of my friendships here and even with my in-laws I feel like this is the case, going through these seasons... getting to know each other apart from P and let them see me for me, not the person P chose. I pray that as time passes, we will hit a summer where it's not the hurt or pain that is making it hot and sensitive, but the love that we feel mutually because we love each other.
I don't know if that makes sense, but just something I thought about.
Please pray for P's family as they drive back home tonight and tomorrow.
Please pray for us as we start another week.
