seasons

This weekend P's family came to visit us.  I'm not sure how it is for them, but I sometimes go into it blinded.  I just don't know how it's going to be.  I don't think we have all been in Chicago altogether since the funeral.  We have been to their place and have seen parts of the family here, but this is the first time I think that we've been here all together.  So I don't know if anyone is going to be sad or if there is anything we need to do memory stuff, but I feel like it went well.  We had a fun reunion and although the weekend went by very quickly, we had a great time with family, A especially with her cousins.

I have been thinking of seasons... this summer was really hot.  I know people think that we would be used to it being in the tropics, but it's just such a different kind of hot here.  I was thinking of how when this week it dropped to like 60, everyone started wearing their jackets and vests and sweatshirts... but then I thought of how in spring because we are coming out of the cold, when it hits 60, we put on our shorts and short sleeve shirts and enjoy the sun.  

I think of this in terms of grieving.  It's just so hot and sensitive when it first happens.  We are on edge and hurting.  Then you meet the people that... like for me, meeting my in-laws or friends of P's...  It's kind of cold and it feels like you need to put on a jacket in the heat of the hurt... You're not sure if they will like you for you or if it is that they liked you just because of the person that is now deceased.  Then winter comes, the testing and trying of the relationships... is this really going to work?  Are we really going to make it without this person who is not here anymore??  And hopefully some day after having worn the jackets and coats to keep you from the hurt and cold... spring comes... it starts getting warm and you feel that it is working... finally you could take off the jacket.  Yes the person is not here, but we start to look past that and start liking, loving each other for who we are, apart from the "glue" that kept us together.

Some of my friendships here and even with my in-laws I feel like this is the case, going through these seasons... getting to know each other apart from P and let them see me for me, not the person P chose.  I pray that as time passes, we will hit a summer where it's not the hurt or pain that is making it hot and sensitive, but the love that we feel mutually because we love each other.

I don't know if that makes sense, but just something I thought about.

Please pray for P's family as they drive back home tonight and tomorrow.
Please pray for us as we start another week.

kindergarten

A started her first week of kindergarten this week.  i love her... you know i'm so proud that she walked right up to school, got in line when the teacher came and went straight down with her class to her room.  she never looked back... i was really so proud that my eyes filled with tears... my baby all grown up.  :)

after the second day of school, she comes home and asks, "mommy, why don't we talked about Jesus at school?"  her teacher is a believer so i guess she thought that she would talk about Jesus all the time.  so i explained to her about the rules and a little history how schools before were allowed to talk about God and Jesus, but now it can't and how really it's schemes of Satan to take away people from God.  so i told her that she could talk about Jesus all she wants and even ask her teacher about Him, but sadly enough her teacher was not allowed to bring Him up.

i thought that was so profound of her and so proud that she noticed and wanted to talk about Jesus.  i want her to be all about Him you know.

i pray that from kindergarten to her senior year of high school, where ever we go and stay in between from now til then, she will be someone who talks about Jesus!!!  would you pray that with me for her!  for her to just love Him and that it radiates out of her, in her acts, words and just everything!!!

31

tomorrow i turn 31.  it has been a busy year for me and during this year, God has grown me more into His image through times of failure and times of joy.  i am currently sitting in our house all alone and it's so weird being in this place without any noise, without someone asking me to play with them... RB, my old housemate and friend, has organized a dinner for me tonight for my birthday and since who knows when, this is my night out.  i'm so excited!!!

i was surprised this morning with a flower delivery.  i couldn't think of anyone that would send me flowers and i thought... ooo this is exciting.  when i opened my card, i started to cry.  my good friend send me flowers from across the world and they are so beautiful.  flowers just make me happy!!  thanks jm for sending those to me.

not much more to say, except having a birthday after my first full week of school is good.  it gives me hope for this year to come and i am so excited to see what the Lord will do!!!  (although there is some side of me that is also sad... P just made birthdays extra special for me... for weeks at a time...  hope trumps it by far and i can't wait to see what 31 brings!!!)

so here is self taken picture of me at 7 hours til 31.  ha ha...

Community

I was a part of such a deep committed community when I was overseas.  They really loved me and I in turned loved and of course still love them.  We shared so much being so far from "home".  Coming back, I felt so far from everyone and getting back to the busyness of life... felt the loss of that community.

These couple days of orientation was so good for me.  I'm really so excited to be around a community of believers, who I pray will stick to the commitment they talked about during orientation.  Just to be open and honest, upholding each other in biblical standards.  I guess thinking that I will be spending a lot more time with these people makes it a little bit more the community... I may be tricking myself and romanticising the whole thing, but I feel so hopeful in being with these people with common direction, same faith, passion for God...  I can't wait to get to know the professors more either... I love that my professors will be praying for me and have already started praying for me by name, before even meeting me.

I know some people do not understand my struggle to keep up with the busyness, but more so that I don't want to be a part of that busyness.  During our orientation they talked about how we need to keep up with our spiritual walk with God and just because we are learning biblical stuff, doesn't mean that is our personal time with God.  I know my life is going to start being crazy with A, school, life, but I do not want to sacrifice my time with God to keep up with others' schedules or standards.  And as I type this I am really recommitting myself to this.  I have been a little lazy lately, just wanting a break... but that's exactly it, I don't want to burn out, which I feel like I have been over this summer.  I know my limit and I want to do everything for His glory and don't want to do anything half heartedly.

As I do this, I want a close community to walk with me and I with them.  Lord I pray for godly men and women to be my community.

God added to my community today.  I got to my orientation a little early so I sat in the lobby waiting for it to start.  As I sat there, I started talking to this lady next to me.  We talked about what we are going to study and where we are from... I was so excited and praise God for His provision.  This lady, R, lives like a few blocks from our place and has two girls, in which A is like in between their ages.  The older one is going to the school that A is going to.  R began explaining the work God is doing in this school... It's amazing.  Thursday mornings, moms get together in the playground after the students go into class to pray over the school.  How amazing is that???  The PTO also has a world vision child that they sponsor and the students are really involved in it.  I praised God for giving A a believing teacher, but I am just so glad that years of prayer went into this school before A even attended.  There is some other things I learned, but I will share that at a later time.  I'm really excited to see what the Lord will do with this community in my life.

God calls us to be a people of community... to be a body.  We need each other.  A guy at orientation today was talking about how even at our school people (a Christ centered school) get so busy and caught up in their deadlines that they walk around campus and do not acknowledge people that they know.  I need people... I admit it.  I need people to affirm me.  I need people to help me.  I need people to confront me when I am sinning.  I need people to have fun with me.  I need people to be interested in my life and want to be a part of it.  I'm sure so many other people out there are like that.

There was a guy at my table today who is a second year grad student and he said how we could really get lonely, we as people.  Really encouraging us to be a part of community.

I had a women's group when I was overseas.  A group of 4-5 women... we got together every Monday (almost every Monday) and we got down dirty with each other... updating each other on our lives, asking the hard questions, challenging each other, talking about the heart issues and praying for one another.  I ask this in the humblest way possible, but how many of us are in that kind of community??  I mean having people to share life's disappointments, hardships, burdens, sins with, but in turn also can rejoice with...  We need that...  God commands that.

A reverse culture shock that I have been experiencing is the individualistic lives that we live here...  I am Korean and have lived in an Asian country for the past few years...  They are so community based, sometimes I think a little too much :), but there has to be some kind of happy medium right?

I am a people person.  Enjoy being with people, get energized by being with people, love people, find pleasure in having people over...

I am someone if that if I don't have it, I'll go look for it.  So beware, I may come stalk you to be my friend... :)

TIU here I come...

Today I had my first day of orientation and I'm so excited about what the future holds.  Being in a room with so many people who love JESUS and want to serve HIM in so many different capacities... the stories that were in the room and where they want to go... I am so really psyched!!!

A went with me today and will also join me on Monday.  It was fun for me and her to go with.  The first hour she joined me as I met various student organizations and got my ID, then she went down to the children's program they had.  I went so nervous and A gave me one of her rings so that I wouldn't be.  It turned out great.  We both had a very fun time.

I'm so excited to see what the Lord has in store for us.  I can't wait!!!

pictures...

"cousins"

my tehteh (older sister)

the beautiful bride

aren't they all sooooo gorgeous

A and her bibi-bibi

she danced the night away

The News in life

It's been exactly a month since my last post.  Since then I have finished my statistics class and passed it!!  Woo hoo... A has gone to her first VBS (thanks to R&T for helping with rides) and walked down the aisle once again as a flower girl!!!  Our condo is so close to being done that I am jumping out of my skin in excitement.

A and I are embarking a new chapter in our life... we are both starting school.  I start with orientation this Saturday and start my actual classes on Wednesday.  A starts the following Monday.  It's so crazy that my baby is starting kindergarten and we are going to meet her teacher next Friday.  I just know I'm going to start crying.  My friend CI was one of the first ones to pray for a believing teacher for A and now we reap from the prayers that were lifted.  A's teacher is a believer and I'm so excited about that.  I really have been praying for next year already.  It would be lovely for A to be in the public school with believing teachers.  Please lift this up with me... It would be great for both of us if that were to happen.

Transition back to the states have been hard.  We are still in transition, mostly emotionally, but really praying through this season and hoping to really settle in well as the Lord leads us into our niche, our schedule, our life...

Please pray for us as we both start school and start this new schedule.  Pray for our transition as we still find ourselves emotionally adjusting...

I wanted to put up some pictures, but it's not working... hopefully soon!!!