leaving

**work (the center) costume party...**




**i dressed in a neighbor's elementary student's school uniform and A was a butterfly**

we are totally psyched to visit singapore for the first time. A is in bed after our work costume party. it was fun until a guy showed up with a scary outfit. she screamed and cried... then all night wanted to stay in a bedroom. i got her to come out some time, but she was a little freaked... now all she talks about is singapore, so that's great that he's not in her mind all this time.

please pray for our trip... safety, quick visa process and health. thank you.

blue chips...

P and i used to work at a special ed school. he worked a lot at the BD wing, the toughest part of the school. in this part of the school, they gave out blue chips for good behavior and on fridays they could "buy" things from the school store with it. so P sent me a bag full of blue chips from kansas after the first time i met his family telling me i earned it all for being great with his family. i don't know where the whole bag of chips went actually, but today as i was getting ready for singapore, i found a chip in my desk. i brought one with me, but haven't seen it in a while. today i found it again. it put a big smile on my face because i've been busy trying to get this trip together and i feel that the Lord let me find it when i needed it. i'm so excited about our trip and so is A. yes we are going for business, but while we wait two days for the paperwork to go through, we are going to hit the town.

one praise... yesterday A was playing with a kid outside. she climbed the jungle gym and was hanging... then she started to swing herself... in a few seconds she was on the ground blood coming down from her mouth. i picked her up and took her to our kitchen... got a cloth and held down on her lip... praise God that all her teeth are okay... a big lip that's purple, but she's okay. i asked her why she fell and she said she was trying to stop herself from swinging but couldn't and fell. poor girl. we put ice on it for a while and she didn't want it, so we bought a local popsicle she could lick. thank you God for keeping her safe.

we are going to singapore. woo hoo... we will leave sunday and come home thursday!!! i'm really excited. first time there!!! yeah. please pray for safe travels and safety and health while we are there. pictures to come when we get back.

sinapore here we come

today i was thinking i need to get my current visa extended because the new one was not ready yet. as i was getting ready to take my paperwork in, i just thought i shouldn't and then started worrying about my legal status here if i did not. i called TB and after talking to her i decided to text the guy running my new visa. as i waited for his response, i went to the gym. as i started on the treadmill, i got a text back from him saying i could go and pick up my visa this week. ha ha... praise God. so... singapore here we come. i'm going to have to look into things tomorrow with flights and stuff, so we'll see exactly what day i go. i'm so thankful that it's ready and i don't have to spend extra money on extending my current one!!! He is so good right? so full of such energy and excitement at how the Lord just so greatly orchestrates things in my life, i ran/walked my 5K in 35 minutes!!! ha ha... my goal for the 5K was 35 minutes, maybe i have to make another goal!!! ha ha... hey LJM, KS, BA, LC, and LI want to do it again? i think SR would definitely be interested. anyone else?

please pray for good flights and safe travels.

so far but so close

i am far away from friends and family... but God is so good. i've been feeling at peace and love how my life feels like a normal life, as it has been for a while. a day actually feels like a day and a week a week... the days of thinking when the day would end is over. i don't think too much about my situation, just live life in it because there is joy in that when i follow the Lord.

i am far away from friends and family... but they make me feel close... they call me, they send me packages, they send me mail, they skype me, they e-mail... it's great to have that. but most of all... even though i'm so far away i even get a phone call from such a dear friend telling me she got engaged. i was so excited and so honored to have gotten the phone call within a day of it happening. EP i'm so happy for you. i'll be praying as you prepare. i love you girl!!!

so even though i am far... i still feel close because people i love and that love me make it that way. praise God!!!

Jesus... we need you... they need you

my hearts been heavy for the ones who already know Christ, but live mediocre lives. i say that because i was that... i have to fight to not be that at times. sunday at church, our normal pastor didn't speak, and he shared this same heart. he said his heart was heavy all week preparing his sermon about entering the narrow gate, but he emphasized that it doesn't stop there, after you enter, you need to walk that road. it's not an easy road... we need to deny ourselves, take up His cross and follow Him. in scripture it never talks about how easy this road is going to be. then the speaker told us how he was convicted of how God will one day ask him to sell everything and leave to follow him. he asked his wife if she was willing... are we asking ourselves these questions? we are to die to our selves... are we doing that?

we need Jesus...

if we who know Jesus need Him, how much more of those around us need Him? i've never watched the movie "sixth sense", but P told me it's about ghosts walking around... and if you think... every person that does not know Christ... is a dead person. they have no life, for life comes only through Christ. so we are walking among the dead... we have life that we could give them...

they need Jesus.

if every believer were to tell one person about Christ Jesus... what would this world be like? i ask myself that question as some days go by and i haven't shared Jesus with anyone. what am i doing Lord? my life is all about you, yet so many times i let it be about me...

i need Jesus.

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please pray...

**for me and A as my schedule fills up. i'm really trying to balance being a working mom now. all of A's life, i haven't worked, barely left her... so this is hard for her to have mom busy. my life is no longer just about her. pray for me that i could be patient with her and spend good quality time with her. pray for her that she will enjoy the special times she'll have with people who have offered to take her during my work hours or at work with me, but most importantly that she'll have peace in her heart as things in her mind may be unsettling.

**we will be traveling soon to get our visas, so please pray for that process as well. safe travels and health.

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i'm realizing how much the Lord has healed me in this year and four and a half months. my friend last night was asking how i was doing with missing P... i guess everyone is thinking the same thing, so i'll explain a little.

i was surprised that for the past three months or so, the 16th has passed by and i didn't even notice. i don't wait around for that date like i used to nor do i think much about it. even if i write in my journal, it doesn't ring a bell to me like it used to. it's becoming another day for me.

i was also pretty shocked that i forgot about our engagement date. the day came and went and i didn't notice until a week later that the day had passed.

yes i miss P... there will be things that remind me of times we had. we'll pass by somewhere and i'll think about the time we had there. the great thing is that it doesn't make me sad. i just smile at what a wonderful relationship we had and praise God for His goodness in bringing us together for as long as He had planned. now it's more of a reminiscing for me rather being sad.

there are still days i get a little frustrated with God of why it had to be cut short. but then God and i end up having a heart to heart on days like that... i know that God loves me and has my best interest in mind, even when it doesn't seem like it. so then i hang in there... God's good.

so that's just a little bit of how i'm doing with the whole grieving thing. i'm really not grieving anymore. i feel like we have a swing of things now and i am confident in where the Lord has placed me. my heart desires to follow what He wants from me for each season of my life... and my life and season are here right now... praying for what's next, but enjoying this one as i wait.

shame

my daughter puts me to shame. today my helper was teaching some phrases in our local language, not the national one. anyway, she said it once, i repeated. then we had to do it again because i couldn't get it. this went on like four times during lunch. my daughter sitting in her chair listening to us go back and forth on this says the word with no accent... perfectly says the word and smiles sheepishly as my jaw drops to the ground. my helper laughs like crazy and tells A how much smarter she is than her mommy.... we are all laughing and A says it again.... it was unbelievable. so i again put my head down in shame like the guy in Napoleon Dynamite (if you've watched it, you know what i'm talking about...).

love

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself." All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments. - Matthew 22:37-40

what if we lived life on these two verses? i mean would we talk, dress, behave, look at... the way we do? would we miss a chance to tell someone about Jesus? if these two commandments were on our hearts all the time, what would our life be like? i reflect on my life once again these days and again i come to realize how short i fall and praise God for Jesus my savior who fills up my shortcomings. i realize how i don't live by these commandments. daily i look to see what i have done... sometimes i'm proud of myself, others i feel i could have done more. but again, if i lived every second of my life on these verses, wouldn't my life be more different?

there are more earthquakes happening here. i praise God i was out of the city when the last one happened, although most people didn't feel it. God is doing something. one person told me it's the end of the days. i told them how they are so right and that it's signs for Jesus' return. all these earthquakes made me turn to mark 13:3-13 where it talks about the signs of the times and the end of the age. if you read verse 8 it says: "For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be earthquakes in various places, and there will be famines and troubles. These are the beginnings of sorrows." this is just the beginning. then if you go on to verse 9 it states: "But watch out for yourselves, for they will deliver you up to councils, and you will be beaten in the synagogues. You will be brought before rulers and kings for My sake, for a testimony to them."

today i was reading jude and it talked about contending for the faith... for Jesus. it talked about how deceivers are in the midst of us. then i go back to verse 10 of mark "and the gospel must first be preached to all the nations." which then takes me back to the matthew verses... if we love people as ourselves, and there are deceivers out there, and the gospel must first be preached to all the nations, and there are still so many out there that have not heard, and these earthquakes are just the beginning... what are we doing?

urgency... do you sense it? do you see the dying people around you? do you see the corpse sitting next to you? do you sense it? do you sense the spirit prompting you to say something? i do... i say yes to all these questions. i do not ask these questions because i do the right thing all the time, but because my heart aches at the lives that are doomed for hell unless we tell them about Jesus. Jesus everyone... that's the answer for all life's problems. urgency... do you sense it?

let's live with matthew 22:37-40 in hearts. what a difference that would make? if you didn't know, wouldn't you want someone to tell you? if you answered yes, then if we are supposed to love others as ourselves, shouldn't we be telling them?

please pray with me this week as i feel this urgency. i may be gone some time in an earthquake, who knows (not said with a light heart), but for this time right now that i have breathe, i want to live like i've never lived before and want others to experience it also. will you pray with and for me this week for this. i need boldness.

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please pray...

* A and i have some stomach issues. A started on friday and i started today. it's a weird thing. A has throw up and the runs... i just have the runs. Please pray for quick healing. i thought mine was done midday, but it started again. i thought A's was done yesterday, but today it started again midday. something about midday. the thing with being sick, you could really just be sick, but being here, you realize that satan wants to use whatever he can to make you not do things. so please pray that the enemy can't use this against me to not advance God's kingdom.

* we have a car with a driver. i can't drive here, hence the driver. it's been such a blessing. our friends J&K while in the states is letting us use it. please pray for continual safety in travels, in city or out of city.

* please pray for continual good sleep for both A and myself.

* please pray daily if possible for spiritual battle which comes up in all forms, sickness, tiredness, anger, laziness, the works...

* please pray for my heart as well as A's.
- A wants daddy. she misses him, but i think she also misses all the men that were in her life in the states. she loves her uncles here, but we don't get to see them often. so please ask that the Lord will fulfill those needs in her life, as He personally speaks to her and also through the men around us.
- God's been good to me and faithful in healing me through P's death. He's really grown me so much and i desire to continue my life following what He wants me to do. i feel i've come so far in this journey, but it is hard when i see my baby struggling with the fact that she doesn't have a daddy. pray that God continues to give me wisdom in that and gives me strength through those times.