my hearts been heavy for the ones who already know Christ, but live mediocre lives. i say that because i was that... i have to fight to not be that at times. sunday at church, our normal pastor didn't speak, and he shared this same heart. he said his heart was heavy all week preparing his sermon about entering the narrow gate, but he emphasized that it doesn't stop there, after you enter, you need to walk that road. it's not an easy road... we need to deny ourselves, take up His cross and follow Him. in scripture it never talks about how easy this road is going to be. then the speaker told us how he was convicted of how God will one day ask him to sell everything and leave to follow him. he asked his wife if she was willing... are we asking ourselves these questions? we are to die to our selves... are we doing that?
we need Jesus...
if we who know Jesus need Him, how much more of those around us need Him? i've never watched the movie "sixth sense", but P told me it's about ghosts walking around... and if you think... every person that does not know Christ... is a dead person. they have no life, for life comes only through Christ. so we are walking among the dead... we have life that we could give them...
they need Jesus.
if every believer were to tell one person about Christ Jesus... what would this world be like? i ask myself that question as some days go by and i haven't shared Jesus with anyone. what am i doing Lord? my life is all about you, yet so many times i let it be about me...
i need Jesus.
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please pray...
**for me and A as my schedule fills up. i'm really trying to balance being a working mom now. all of A's life, i haven't worked, barely left her... so this is hard for her to have mom busy. my life is no longer just about her. pray for me that i could be patient with her and spend good quality time with her. pray for her that she will enjoy the special times she'll have with people who have offered to take her during my work hours or at work with me, but most importantly that she'll have peace in her heart as things in her mind may be unsettling.
**we will be traveling soon to get our visas, so please pray for that process as well. safe travels and health.
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i'm realizing how much the Lord has healed me in this year and four and a half months. my friend last night was asking how i was doing with missing P... i guess everyone is thinking the same thing, so i'll explain a little.
i was surprised that for the past three months or so, the 16th has passed by and i didn't even notice. i don't wait around for that date like i used to nor do i think much about it. even if i write in my journal, it doesn't ring a bell to me like it used to. it's becoming another day for me.
i was also pretty shocked that i forgot about our engagement date. the day came and went and i didn't notice until a week later that the day had passed.
yes i miss P... there will be things that remind me of times we had. we'll pass by somewhere and i'll think about the time we had there. the great thing is that it doesn't make me sad. i just smile at what a wonderful relationship we had and praise God for His goodness in bringing us together for as long as He had planned. now it's more of a reminiscing for me rather being sad.
there are still days i get a little frustrated with God of why it had to be cut short. but then God and i end up having a heart to heart on days like that... i know that God loves me and has my best interest in mind, even when it doesn't seem like it. so then i hang in there... God's good.
so that's just a little bit of how i'm doing with the whole grieving thing. i'm really not grieving anymore. i feel like we have a swing of things now and i am confident in where the Lord has placed me. my heart desires to follow what He wants from me for each season of my life... and my life and season are here right now... praying for what's next, but enjoying this one as i wait.
