riches... what are we doing with ours?

For a few months, I’ve been thinking about money. How does scripture approach the topic of money? I’ve been reading the book “Radical” and over and over again it talks about how to follow Jesus it means to give away all that you have, take up the cross and follow Him. Following Him is not easy.

In thinking about this, I also thought of people who go overseas. Many people go overseas, leave everything comfortable behind and go after what the Lord has commanded them to do. What has made me sad these past few months as I thought about the topic of money, is how many of these people who go overseas have limited financial support. Still more who cannot go overseas because they do not have the financial means. And it makes me sad, as I experience life overseas and see how much the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few… and those who want to come cannot. It makes me sad that people just don’t jump up to help those who have this calling.

I am ever so blessed to have so much support in so many different ways, including financially, but my heart does break for those who face difficulty in going overseas, especially when I read letters of friends asking for support.

Today I read the chapter titled “How much is enough? – American wealth and a world of poverty”, in the book “Radical”. And not only are we lacking in helping one another, the body of Christ, we are blindsided to those around us. I too am guilty.

“I am much like the rich man, and the church I lead looks a lot like him too. Every Sunday we gather in a multimillion-dollar building with millions of dollars in vehicles parked outside. We leave worship to spend thousands of dollars on lunch before returning to hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of homes. We live in luxury.

Meanwhile, the poor man is outside our gate. And he is hungry. In the time we gather for worship on a Sunday morning, almost a thousand children elsewhere die because they have no food. If it were our kids starving, they would all be gone by the time we said our closing prayer. We certainly wouldn’t ignore our kids while we sang songs and entertained ourselves, but we are content with ignoring other parents’ kids. Many of them are our spiritual brothers and sisters in developing nations. They are suffering from malnutrition, deformed bodies and brains, and preventable diseases. At most, we are throwing our scraps to them while we indulge in our pleasures here. Kind of like an extra chicken for the slaves at Christmas.

That is not what the people of God do. Regardless of what we say or sing or study on Sunday morning, rich people who neglect the poor are not the people of God.” (p. 115)

This is just one of the excerpts of the book that just wants me to ever be more like Jesus and I fail and it challenges me.

I am so rich. I look at the people around me… compared to them I’m filthy rich… I have a house, a car, food to eat at every meal, clothes for every season, shoes for any type of weather, toys galore for my daughter to play with, a nice comfortable bed to sleep on, a nice couch to watch movies on…. These are all riches that my neighbors do not have… I see people with arms or legs cut off begging for money on the side of the road. Children in rags with a can begging for money… I see shacks side by side for blocks with tin as their roof… and I do nothing.

I’ve said this before, but seriously saying some prayer doesn’t do it. Saying the prayer and thinking you got your ticket and could live the life you want… Read Romans if you think that way… especially chapters 5 and 6. Faith without works… Doesn’t mean that our salvation comes by works, but if you have faith,…

Yesterday I did a study with my girls here and we studied James 2. We had such a deep great conversation about this. But this is how we discussed it and I know this illustration has been made before, but…

When I started liking P, when I starting loving him, I wanted to do anything in the world for him, likewise, I feel that is the same with our love for Christ. When we confess our faith to Him and are so in love with Him, our actions would be different… the work we do would be different. It would be radical. So why is it that I have so much trouble, even though I am so madly in love with him, to live this radical life? Why is the church lacking in living this radical life?

I challenge you all to read the book. It will put into perspective all that you have already read in Scripture. But beware… you may come out of the other side of the book a radical person.

Please pray for me as I long for my focus to be outside of myself… that I may see the needs of the people around me… feed those who are hungry and clothes those who do not have. Sell all I possess and follow hard after Christ if that is what He wants from me or use all I have for those around me. The Lord has my back in providing for me and He’s used many of you to do exactly that. How I praise God for that.

Read the Book.

My God is so Big...

My God is so Big so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do...

I spent most of my teenage years and college years standing with children singing this song while doing motions. This past few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about God's bigness. I am in awe as I look up and see my Big God. Not only can I see His bigness, but I could feel it all around me... how He keeps our planet on it's perfect angle so we could survive... how the trees grow and the sun shines... how on one side of the earth people are waking up and the other side of the earth people are sleeping... how one person is lying in the hospital bed sick while another playing football on national tv and God in His bigness has control over all these things. The birds of the air fly freely, being fed by the food the Lord provides for them and how I have so many people that love Him to provide for me to be where I am.

I seriously this week have just been amazed at His bigness... and I get shivers thinking of who He is and how He deserves all the glory. I think of how full of love and how full of wrath He is and how He has the capability to show both every so fairly to us.

My God is Big... beyond words. I am so proud to be a daughter of such a big God!!! I think it would be counterfeit if He wasn't so big!!!

A asked me today if God has big hands... I asked why she was asking and she says that when she was reading her bible and God was building Adam that His hands were really big. And I told her how Big our God is...

I love my Father...

humor me...

today was a long day. we left at 8:30 in the morning to help some friends and didn't get home til like 3:30... we got done with helping my friends, but i had to make food for people coming over for dinner, so off we headed out to the store. when i got home, i just plopped on the bed and seriously just took a five minute nap and i had all the energy i needed back into my system.

i cooked... now if you know my mom, you'll understand where this comes from for me... there was only 5 people coming. but as i have learned from my mom... it's always better to have more than to run out... so what did i do... i made double the portion, just in case the guys ate a lot and you know... so instead of five, ten showed up. at first two came, then they remembered that they did not invite someone, so then that one showed up, who then invited his friend to come... then someone called one of the girls asking where they were and two more showed up... by the end there were 10 people... and still food was left over.

now these were all my national friends from church. it was so much fun. we laughed and made jokes and i just thought to myself how far i've come since august of 2006 when we first landed here... not a lick of the language... now i have these people coming over for dinner, laughing, making jokes and being silly. it was crazy fun. seriously!!! we ate so much and had so much fun!!! praise God for helping me learn the language and be able to do the little that i do.

on top of that, the amazing thing is A just gets it. i mean this is like her first language. and she loves when these aunts and uncles came to play. they were so good with her and she was just playing in the language like there is no tomorrow. playing house, cooking, hide and seek, chase... i mean they were all over the house. and i just thought to myself... she is such a native here.

i wish i had taken pictures...

consistency

sometimes i wonder why we humans cannot be consistent. why is it that one day i wake up with a smile on my face and i feel like nothing in the world could change the joy i feel and other days i wake up and the whole world is on my shoulders? why is it that one day i can turn the whole world upside down and other days i wake up with a defeated feeling? why is it that some days we are so long and patient and other days you are just so full of attitude and you have no idea where it came from?

i wish i had the answer.

these past few days with A being her bad self and me being my bad self... i just kept thinking i wish i could just fix this... go away.

people of this world talk about positive thinking. how if you keep thinking you could do something than you could do it. how if you put your mind to it than it will all turn out. it's kind of like the little train that could... "i think i can, i think i can." and that is probably what the answer to my questions would be if i asked someone... just think happy thoughts in the morning and you'll be happy, but what the world does not know is we are limited... and no matter how much we tell ourselves that, there will be a day we crash.

i realized this yesterday... as i so longed to have a better attitude and wanted to be a better, more patient mom for my baby. there is no way i could do this by myself. and so i prayed when the morning just started out to be a little chaotic... before i reacted, i just prayed that God would help me to be a better mom. and no joke, since yesterday, A has been so much better and i in turn feel like a different woman.

there is a book that i absolutely love called, "big girls don't whine" and it talks about how God wants all His daughters to be big girls. and i think i did a good chunk of whining along with my four year old these past few days... and i just need to start reading her signs and my signs better to be the bigger girl. i don't want A to grow up being a whiny little girl even though she's 30. i need to be an example of a big girl that she would grow to see good patterns of a big girl not a little girl in a big girls body.

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we are so excited to go back to the states. we have 22 more sleeps. things need to be wrapped up here in a lot of different areas. so please pray that i could do everything well. please pray that i would be the big girl in this family and not return to my little girl habits as things could get a little hectic here with packing and stuff. please pray for health for A and me. continue to pray for our visa. - we were promised that it would come out before our departure day, but it wouldn't hurt to pray about it.

please pray for those getting things ready for us stateside. we are very blessed to have such a great family, biological and through Christ, that are so generous.

For Sale

I know every parent has thought this thought... you just want to put your child up for sale and have someone else take them. I was sick for a week and a half, now A is sick. She turns into a serious 4 year old when she's sick, unlike her nice great mature self on other days. It just drives me crazy, which really I should think of it as a blessing, having such a wonderful daughter. So for like three days I have been dealing with a daughter who is whining and crabby, complaining and doesn't like anything but mommy. It has just been a few trying days... so tonight as I put A to bed, I prayed for forgiveness in my prayer... "Lord forgive me for being impatient with A and being quick to be angry. Forgive me for the tone I have been using with her..." and as I was praying this, my sweet daughter puts her hand on my shoulder. I just thought... well there is this Korean saying, "you give the sickness and you give the medicine". It means well you make the problem then you give the solution... A drove me crazy then her hand on my shoulder made it a little better, like medicine does.

So my daughter is not up for sale... if you asked me yesterday, I would have gladly said yes...

My friends tell me often and today CI told me... "because A is so mature, sometimes you forget she's four and then when she does act like a four year old you have to remind yourself that's she's four." So true.

24 more sleeps and we'll be in Chicago.

** How could you want to sell this face???**

thoughts from a sickie...

I have been striving to live life a day at a time… To daily have my hands open and ears ready to hear for what the Lord has for me. These past couple months, I feel have been a blob of thoughts unable to focus and today as I stay at home sick as the rest of the world around me is busy celebrating the ending of fasting month, I realize that I have been trying for the past couple months to look past today. I have been wanting to, as bad habits return, see the whole picture. These thoughts have bombarded me with thoughts, frustrations, guilt, defeat… but when I was living a day at a time, my life seemed so much more in order and satisfying.

For my birthday my in-laws sent me a book, “Radical”. The bad thing about me is that if the book is good, I don’t put it down. So today, since I am sick, that’s all I’ve been doing. Reading this great book on living a radical life for Christ. (Thanks C & J for taking A for me. I feel so much better just resting.)

I’ve been talking a lot about topics that are in the book with different friends and I love how this author, Platt, get to the bottom of things. You see Platt goes after the American Dream. That was my dream once… Going overseas was not. I always wanted a white picket fence with a big yard, children running around and a dog… As you all know that’s not what God had for me. And I just think… I would have missed the very essence of my faith, if I had chosen to not take that step of faith and go out on a date with P, who did not have the American dream, but was on his way overseas. God’s heart is for people… P was all over that from the first time I met him until the day he took his last breath… I, on the other hand, had to learn that.

These past couple months, as I struggled with wanting so badly to see the big picture, I feel I have also lost the one most important thing I had learned. Because I was so stuck on myself and wanting to know what was going to happen to ERP, I lost sight of those around me. Yes I did my “scheduled” things, but to go out of my way to be with people, to tell them about the love of Christ. I have failed!!!

As I think of this big picture concept, I am reminded that I don’t need to know that because God is already all over it and if I would just listen and obey, then I will eventually see the big picture. It may not be on this earth, but I will see it.

I’ve also thought in these past couple months how I am so comfortable. I have a car, a job, a great school for A, friends, routine… One may think live in Suburbia is comfort, but I think comfort is relative and to me… I am comfortable here. So I have been asking myself lately how the Lord would want to stretch me. No answer yet, but I’m definitely wanting to be stretched.
Some people tell me how I’ve been through so much and I’ve done my share and it’s okay to be comfortable… BUT as I look through scripture… following Christ is not comfortable. That’s what this book I’m reading about is talking about too. God didn’t call us to a life of comfort… God has asked us to throw everything away and follow Him. I’m not saying now I’m going to look for a jungle to live in, but I do want ways that the Lord wants to show Himself to me more and more in which then I could show His glory to those around me.

For so long I have believed in this Christianity of blessings and in many places that is all that is taught… When you believe God will bless you… if you ask HE will give… I remember a couple years back SC did a walk through the New Testament to talk about how following Christ is not just about that… it’s also about suffering and persecution… all for the glory of God!!! Why are we trying to sugar-coat the truth? Is truth not sufficient? Why are we so prone to make this like fantasy Christianity in which will actually lead them to not know truth?

I remember growing up going to church 3-4 times a week. My parents went every morning and still do to pray, when everyone else was sleeping. I remember going to revival meetings and falling asleep on my mom’s lap because it was going on for what felt like to me forever. I remember having cell meetings at our house or other people’s houses. And at the young age I was, I don’t ever remember thinking these people were not having fun. I mean they were, what seemed to me, hungry people for the Lord. My junior high and high school years were like that too. My church would have Sunday, Wednesday and Friday services. The Fridays would go on for hours and I think that’s when I grew spiritually… I remember praising and praying and sharing in groups… I remember after it was all done we would hang out my friends and I praising more… I would sit at the piano and others were playing other instruments just continuing the spirit that had ended for the night.

Why do I talk about this? Well, I just think of how everyone is about schedule now. Heaven forbid if the Sunday service went over an hour, is kind of the mentality people have now a days. Leaders want to accommodate for that and the attendants get frustrated if it goes over… we have plans for the rest of the day. In Acts… people sat in upper rooms for hours learning about Christ. Why is it that they had the attention span, but now people are all about theories of how people could only handle 20 minutes and then after that they tune out? Crazy… What then of all the people around the world that are risking their lives to learn about Christ, sitting hours at a time in a dim room, hungry for more? They are no different than us, but why could they sit for hours on end?

If we are not earnestly seeking for the truth… if we are not hungry for it… we will never know it!!!

Where is my passion? My hunger? My desire for truth? I like I stated before feel that I have reached this comfort zone and I feel the Lord asking me to walk out of this comfort zone. Honestly, it’s hard to think of another shift, but I want to obey. Take it a day at a time… So as I pray about what next steps I need to take… I challenge those of you who read this blog to ask God to take you out of your comfort zone… yes it is uncomfortable at first, but that’s what Christ asks us to do… Take up the cross and follow Him… Taking up a cross is no easy task. So are we going to do it?

thank you...

thank you everyone who e-mailed, who left facebook messages, who sent cards and packages... it was so great to turn 30 knowing i am so loved and cared for. we are on vacation with some friends and will leave in two more days. this is a present from my in-laws. love it!!!

it's not so bad being 30. it was like another day had just come and gone, not because it wasn't special, but because the day i turned 30 and the day before was no different in feelings. :)

my big day was great... i got the morning to myself while J&C took A. i got to go work out, watch a movie, read... it was good. then A and i took a nap... we went out for a real nice dinner... i'll have to put pictures up when i get home.

thank you everyone!!!

I'M 30 PEOPLE!!! WOO HOO!!!