These past few days have been filled with joy and hope. Satan does not like that. He wants to crush those who trust in the LORD and are faithful. In this joy and hope, I have been attacked by Satan and his lies left and right. This evening I was in a serious spiritual battle, claiming truth for myself, but Satan trying to take me down with lies... ugly lies... This song is what I heard as I was texting a friend for prayer.
What you're doing (Something Heavenly)
By: Sanctus Real
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out
God is cleaning up this old house filled with lies and deception... He's doing something big and heavenly that I don't even know. I need to keep bathing myself in truth... truth of who God is, truth of who I am and who I am in Christ. God make right what is wrong in my heart... And just like the chorus says, He's doing something that is bringing chaos into my life, but I feel tremendous peace in it. I love you Jesus and find comfort and rest in the fact that I am loved by you!!!
The verse from yesterday comes to mind again...
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete." - 2 Cor 10: 3-6
Lord I feel peace falling down on me as I have people praying for me and as I seek your truth. Let me reside here...
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Panera
panera has a rewards card, so i got a free smoothie this morning as i study for my midterm. i have been sitting here for two hours, reviewing chapters on how to be a good counselor... all the skills it takes. :) it's been good and humbling... just thinking of how much i still need to grow in a lot of the areas, encouraged that this is God's calling in my life, and hopeful that He is going to slowly show me what He has already laid out for me.
as i study, i have pandora on and a song caught my attention, which i want to share.
Hellelujah - Bethany Dillon
as i study, i have pandora on and a song caught my attention, which i want to share.
Hellelujah - Bethany Dillon
Who can hold the stars and my weary heart?
Who can see everything?
I’ve fallen so hard, sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond Your reach
I could climb a mountain, swim the ocean, or do anything
But it’s when You hold me that I start unfolding
And all that I can say is
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
I’ll choose to sing hallelujah
The same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day
Spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play
And only You can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone, and You made it home
And set this prisoner free
Who can see everything?
I’ve fallen so hard, sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond Your reach
I could climb a mountain, swim the ocean, or do anything
But it’s when You hold me that I start unfolding
And all that I can say is
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever’s in front of me
I’ll choose to sing hallelujah
The same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day
Spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play
And only You can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone, and You made it home
And set this prisoner free
the chorus is what especially caught my attention. this morning i was struggling with some lies that Satan likes to bring me down with. as i prayed and read the word, i found truth to reject all those lies that he threw at me... but when i heard this song it really did it for me. you see i, like the israelites, tend to forget... i forgot how good and faithful my God has been and is to me. His mercies are new every morning and every morning i wake to the heavens declaring His glories, so majestic... and whatever's in front of me, i want to choose to sing HALLELUJAH, praise Yahweh, because He deserves it. He has done nothing but shown me that He is trustworthy - no matter how big or how small circumstances may seem. He has already set this prisoner free... i need to stop going back there... believing the lies that Satan wants to keep me in bondage with. The Name of my Jesus is so powerful. I cannot forget that!!!
The other day during my quiet time I read 2 Corinthians 3:17...
"Now the LORD is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom."
One of the reasons I went into counseling was to be an agent to freedom and I need to claim that as my own. Stop living in bondage, lies... Reject it and throw it far away from me!!
2 Corinthians 10:3-6
"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh, For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."
we have power to destroy the strongholds in our life. i hold onto this promise daily as Satan throws things at me to keep me from deep wonderful intimacy with my Father.
**now i need to go back to studying. i have to say... almost a week now of lent... since i am doing a lot of the other entertainment in my life, i find myself on my blog more often writing down my thoughts. it's a good exercise!! enjoying it!! 2 more hours and need to get A.**
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Single parenting
The month before P died, I was a single mom because he was gone at school 3 hours away from home. I remember crying on the phone telling him I was done being a single mom and the promise from the other side that he would take care of her when he got home. That never happened... I am still a single mom, 3 years and 10 months later...
The thing about being a single parent though is the blessings that come with it, if you let it. I am normally not one to ask for help. I like to do things on my own... but I know I can't do it on my own and so I swallow my pride and ask, not just one, but as many people as I can until I get help. Yet there are times, many times actually that the Lord just brings people along to volunteer help.
This week is midterms. I only have 2 tests, not a lot, but a lot of material I feel like I need to cover. For me to study, I cannot have A around. She wants me too much for me to actually get any studying done. So I asked a friend if she wouldn't mind taking her after church today... and I had all afternoon to take one of my exams and start studying for the next one. Not only that, another friend offered to go and pick her up. What a blessing.
On Friday when I went to pick up A from school, one of the moms and I were talking and I mentioned how it was midterms time and she offered to take A for a few hours. So tomorrow after school, A is going to her friend's house to play for a couple hours while I study the morning away.
I try to look at the bright side of things. Single parenting is hard, but it is such a blessing to have a community of people come along side you and help... making sure that you have the support you need. I am very blessed with the people the Lord has brought into my life. How would you ever know or experience this unless you are in this situation?? :)
I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who are always so willing and ready to step up and be aunts, uncles, friends to both A and me. We love you!!!
Now back to studying!!
The thing about being a single parent though is the blessings that come with it, if you let it. I am normally not one to ask for help. I like to do things on my own... but I know I can't do it on my own and so I swallow my pride and ask, not just one, but as many people as I can until I get help. Yet there are times, many times actually that the Lord just brings people along to volunteer help.
This week is midterms. I only have 2 tests, not a lot, but a lot of material I feel like I need to cover. For me to study, I cannot have A around. She wants me too much for me to actually get any studying done. So I asked a friend if she wouldn't mind taking her after church today... and I had all afternoon to take one of my exams and start studying for the next one. Not only that, another friend offered to go and pick her up. What a blessing.
On Friday when I went to pick up A from school, one of the moms and I were talking and I mentioned how it was midterms time and she offered to take A for a few hours. So tomorrow after school, A is going to her friend's house to play for a couple hours while I study the morning away.
I try to look at the bright side of things. Single parenting is hard, but it is such a blessing to have a community of people come along side you and help... making sure that you have the support you need. I am very blessed with the people the Lord has brought into my life. How would you ever know or experience this unless you are in this situation?? :)
I just wanted to say thanks to those of you who are always so willing and ready to step up and be aunts, uncles, friends to both A and me. We love you!!!
Now back to studying!!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
i know i know...
i know i said i would be too busy to blog today, but i needed to put the lyrics of this song on. i always have music on in my house... so as i am studying for midterms... i have pandora on and this song captured my heart as i sat here reading psychopathology stuff. here it is... hope it's a blessing.
BRIGHTER DAY BY GUNGOR
At the start there was love
And life began in Him
Creation falls, Creator gives
The promise of a better day
We are not there yet
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Love came down and hope was found
And life began again
A brand new start
Yeah, a brand new start
The promise of a better day
We are not there yet
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Love came down and hope was found
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
(Oh, brighter day, brighter day)
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
(Oh, brighter day, we'll see a brighter day)
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
We are not there yet
So let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
'Cause love I swear has not been spoken
Heaven is breaking open
BRIGHTER DAY BY GUNGOR
At the start there was love
And life began in Him
Creation falls, Creator gives
The promise of a better day
We are not there yet
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Love came down and hope was found
And life began again
A brand new start
Yeah, a brand new start
The promise of a better day
We are not there yet
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Love came down and hope was found
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
(Oh, brighter day, brighter day)
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
Love came down and hope was found
(Oh, brighter day, we'll see a brighter day)
And now we're waking up to a brighter day
We are not there yet
So let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
Heaven is breaking open
Heaven is breaking open
Let it come, let it come in
Love is here and love is coming
'Cause love I swear has not been spoken
Heaven is breaking open
Friday, February 24, 2012
picture found!!!
P's dad just sent this to me... a picture of my helper's family with us. this is before their son was born.
Blessings in the mail...
Tomorrow will mark what would have been P and my 7th wedding anniversary. I'm blogging about it tonight because tomorrow will be busy. But I just want to share a few thoughts...
1. I am wanting to do fun things on memory jerking days... I mean why wallow in self-pity right? So my school is having a "Winter Waltz". :) When I heard of it in the beginning I was like, serious? But yes they are having a full blown out waltz... I'm not going to go all out fancy, but I thought it would be so much fun right? I told my friend that I would go with her. Today I was thinking of what it was going to cost me to go... though I would have tons of fun... I didn't know if it was worth the money, since I want to live on a good budget. When I checked the mail today, I got a check from a friend... Thought of us and sent us a monetary gift. Perfect timing. I thought... God does loves me... So... tomorrow I am going to a dance. :)
2. This year as I thought about this day approaching, I wanted to focus more on the what is and the what will be rather than the what could have beens. God had every part of my life mapped out from before I was conceived... I trust in the God that ordains the good and the bad that happen in life. I do not want to live in fear, but in the hope that Christ gives us with the life He gave up and took back!!! I'm learning to trust!
3. 7 years is a long time, but yet so short... so much has happened. The Lord gives and He takes away... I just want to bless His name... Lord whatever the next 7 years may bring, let me be able to say "Blessed be Your Name!!"
Praying for continual JOY as the Lord leads our every step. He is good and His mercies are new every morning. I love you Lord! Thank You for the 3 years and almost 4 months we did have together as man and wife.
1. I am wanting to do fun things on memory jerking days... I mean why wallow in self-pity right? So my school is having a "Winter Waltz". :) When I heard of it in the beginning I was like, serious? But yes they are having a full blown out waltz... I'm not going to go all out fancy, but I thought it would be so much fun right? I told my friend that I would go with her. Today I was thinking of what it was going to cost me to go... though I would have tons of fun... I didn't know if it was worth the money, since I want to live on a good budget. When I checked the mail today, I got a check from a friend... Thought of us and sent us a monetary gift. Perfect timing. I thought... God does loves me... So... tomorrow I am going to a dance. :)
2. This year as I thought about this day approaching, I wanted to focus more on the what is and the what will be rather than the what could have beens. God had every part of my life mapped out from before I was conceived... I trust in the God that ordains the good and the bad that happen in life. I do not want to live in fear, but in the hope that Christ gives us with the life He gave up and took back!!! I'm learning to trust!
3. 7 years is a long time, but yet so short... so much has happened. The Lord gives and He takes away... I just want to bless His name... Lord whatever the next 7 years may bring, let me be able to say "Blessed be Your Name!!"
Praying for continual JOY as the Lord leads our every step. He is good and His mercies are new every morning. I love you Lord! Thank You for the 3 years and almost 4 months we did have together as man and wife.
smiles
there are things in life that bring a smile to my face. my daughter, vanilla ice-cream, chicago (especially driving to the city and seeing the skyline), funfetti cake, babies, good company, beautiful images that give a glimpse of heaven... the list could go on, but this morning at 5:37 i opened my eyes and heard trucks shoveling snow... and i smiled. i opened my curtain and there it was... one of my favorite things in the world.... snow. so beautiful... i've been praying for one last snow so that A and i could enjoy some snow time... yay!!! it's here. i'll be smiling all day long.
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