tonight, i was convicted that i am not called to do crisis counseling. i experienced another crisis today and i do not know, but my ability to be strong for others has gone down. i cannot seem to keep myself together.
i was in crisis counseling class tonight when we heard an announcement, "we are on a lock down. this is not a drill. we are on a lock down." my mind went blank, but i did all that we were supposed to do, like a mindless robot. i closed my laptop and walked to the corner. i sat next to friends and waited. our prof told us to pray and so we did. prayed for safety, prayed for the situation, prayed for the people involved in the situation... then i noticed i was shaking. i couldn't stop. i took deep breaths, but it really didn't help. a classmate leaned against my legs and i wanted to support her, but after a while because i was so shakey, i couldn't. after a while it stopped...
i thought about A, i thought about how the shots may penetrate the wall, i thought about what life for A would be like without me, i thought about how fear had overcome me, i thought about how quickly fear had overcome, i thought about how thankful i was for the guys in our class that stood by the door to protect, i thought...
it was a scary. i was shaken up. it was scary to walk to the car. but on the way home, i was reminded that my faith is on built on solid ground. i was reminded that God knows all things.
so it is in the Lord that i will put my trust and it is in the Lord that i will live my life.
