wood year

for 5 years of marriage, people are supposed to give wood for a present.  5 years after a death... maybe a bandaid.  the serious bandaging is over and over the years it's not as bad, but come to the day and it seems to open up on it's own that little scar... not as serious as the bandaging that was needed in the beginning, but enough that some antiseptic will make it sting and a bandaid will do.  it's not a big deal so you just want to ignore it, but throughout the day you accidentally bump it on something and it reminds you that it needs to be taken care of.

today it's a double header.  P's death and father's day are always around the same time and as much as i want to celebrate my dad and P's dad it makes it hard for me... but today it's on the same day.  i was talking to a friend this morning and we were discussing how certain days are just the most horrible days for some.  mother's day are torturous for all the women out there that want to be moms and can't or for the women who never had a mother or had an absent mother for one reason or the other.  father's day could be the same.  

A and i are vacationing in oklahoma city.  today we went to the zoo.  families everywhere...  it's like that on other days as well, but days like today make it suck.  and i just pray that A will not notice and have fun.  

i miss P everyday.  i want A to remember her wonderful daddy.  my heart hurts today.