this evening i sit on my bed thinking about my blog. i really enjoyed blogging, sending my thoughts out to the unknown world of cyberspace... maybe someone would read it, but if not... at least it's off my chest, right? it's been about a year since I quit blogging for the public. it was because I didn't feel like I was connecting with people on a personal basis. i would get a little hurt when people would tell me that they are reading my blog, wanting the personal relationship of e-mail, letters, texts, phone calls, or coffee (although i don't drink it, i'd love to sit and talk over it, i'll have a diet coke or a chai tea latte, but actually i found a new favorite, but can't remember the name), especially people who i thought would use other means than the blog. over the course of this year, i learned a lot. some of the posts that i had written while i was AWOL, i didn't post because they were some personal things, reflected this time of learning.
i learned that life now is on the blog, on facebook, on twitter... but very rarely face to face. american life is busy. people are constantly racing time and lose to it, even with the countless amounts of coffee or energy drinks that we consume. i fall into the same category at times. i went to lunch to a friend's house a few days ago and she told me, "you're so busy." and i thought... wow really am i?? i really thought that i try so hard not to be busy, but there is no hiding from it. we are a people that schedules things way in advance and rarely does anything spontaneous. we are a people with our cellphones in our hands all the time checking e-mail or facebook or the latest news. we are a people that has earphones in our ears almost all the time in public. we aren't very good at the personal deep relationships anymore... whatever is on facebook is what you get, as well as the other 598 other "friends" in their life.
i am not trying to be negative at all, though it may sound like it. i'm just saying that in the year i've been off my blog, i had to learn that this is the life. i still get face to face time with my friends and i still e-mail with my friends and others i write letters to. i do have deep personal relationships with people, but i'm learning to understand that in the states relationships are shallow and wide. i've lived in a place where it was a small pool of people and those people were it, you either break it or make it and if you make it, it's deep, personal and goes a long way. two and a half years back in the states and still adjusting to some cultural differences. this has just been a big piece.
so i think i may give this a try again. i do still have friends that this is a good way to keep in touch because of distance... it is a good outlet for me... and i love to write!! please bear with me as i begin again...
