i have always envisioned an outdoor wedding on a beautiful sunny day. i envisioned green grass surrounded in beautiful tall trees with white chairs lined up row after row for an intimate gathering. i envisioned rays of sunshine as i walked down the aisle meeting the man of my dreams on the other side. i envisioned the release of hundreds of balloons into the sky. i envisioned dancing and lots of laughter. i envisioned that kind of wedding.
instead i got a huge wedding indoors in the middle of winter with about 500 people in blue pews. my balloons were there, but it almost didn't happen if not for LM who told me that i need to do what i want to do and helped make all the balloons stay. my vision of a spring/fall/summer outdoor wedding didn't happen, but it was a great celebration of two people who came together as God has brought them and blessed the wedding with snow fall, my favorite snow!!!
so apparently on your ninth year of marriage you are supposed to give willow, pottery or for a more modern flare leather. i envision receiving a leather bond journal with a pen made out of willow wood and a hand made mug (pottery).
instead of receiving any of these this anniversary, i am in sunny florida with lots of people who love JESUS and can relate to me because we have lived similar lives. i am finding joy in the sorrow and learning to continue to trust. instead of willow i am surrounded by palm trees... instead of pottery i have cans of diet coke... instead of leather i have tissue to wipe away the tears of sorrow, thankfulness and joy that God has walked me through.
telling your story is life giving... this was said at some point during the conference so far... i realize i haven't really told my story lately let alone have i talked about how i'm really doing. i was asked to share a little of my story and be open to questions today. it was definitely life-giving. reminding me where i have been, who i am and what God created me to do.
9 years ago today, i went to the hair salon to get my hair and make-up done (fake lashes and everything). i went to church to get dressed and then waited in the nursery for P to see me for the first time... after pictures we waited to get married. there we were... my hand in my dad's, P waiting on the other side smiling, and then it started. that day i vowed to be his wife in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer til death do us part... death did us part... and we both kept our vows til death did us part.
we were a good looking couple. we had fun together, laughed a lot, loved a lot, planned a lot, gave a lot, cried a lot, left a lot... i do think it ended too short, but today i'm not so sad... would i have rather gotten the leather bond journal with a willow tree made pen and a hand made mug? yes of course. but right now i'm okay. there is an element of having lived more life without P than with P and though he was such an essential part of my life and will never ever be forgotten, i am okay. at times i find myself panicked at life's situations, but if i just take a deep breath and look back, i will see God's handprint in every nook and cranny of my life and see that He is faithful. God is good.
