pedestal

Growing up I feel like I learned to put certain people up on a pedestal. Pastors and their families were up ... way way up there. Missionaries that came to visit and told awesome stories of what's going on around the world.... sometimes higher than pastors. Doctors, lawyers, people who were something... Movie stars ... not the same as the "religious" people, but they make a mistake and we're like "how could they". Pedestals are meant for flower arrangements, statues, and decoration, not people. Our standards should not come from others, but from the word of God.

As I type this, I'm actually talking to myself. My heart is heavy and sad for many different reasons... if I could list all of them it would be a waste, but I will mention some...

1. I think sometimes of how I am on this pedestal. People around me think of me as some kind of hero... some kind of wonder woman, but I'm not. This pedestal is burdensome really because when I sense the Lord nudging me, I feel like Satan really uses my "people pleasingness" and reminds of the pedestal I am on, tempting me to go with what the people would have me do rather than what the Lord has asked me to do. So instead of thinking of what God wants, I worry about what it would do to people if I came a crashing off that pedestal.

2. My heart grows more and more heavy for the church... for the church that has become so lukewarm. My heart aches for those who have been in the church for years hearing sermon after sermon, but live a life that is unchanged, unmoved, untouched.

3. Today A and I had a mommy daughter date, in which was a battle really for me. I knew there was so much to do... I knew that a mommy daughter date was probably not a good thing to throw in right now at this point, but I knew she and I both needed it. In being on this date, I realized how much I long to have someone by my side to raise A with and have discussions about making decisions instead of making them all on my own. Someone other than me that A could show her artwork to, carry her when she's tired, handle discipline in public when she's pulled the last straw, even be the third person to take pictures instead of me holding out my arm all the time... And honestly I get frustrated about being put on this pedestal. Maybe I'm not on this pedestal and I'm just really prideful, but I have heard so many times how great people think I am... It's not me dudes!!! Without God, I would not be able to do all that I do and now that the storm is over I just want to live a normal person's life and not be looked at as some really strong woman who can handle anything.... I too dream of a "hot anointed" (phrase borrowed from a friend) man to come sweep me off my feet... My Boaz, if you will.

4. A has been asking for daddy a lot lately. I do not have any more ideas on how to talk to her about it. It's not like she wants to see pictures or daddy videos or talk about him. It's just that she misses daddy. Not sure what to do. She misses daddy and asks for a new one all in one breath. I don't know... Weighs heavy on my heart and only pray that the Lord deals with her as she needs to be.

5. We leave in 9 days and my heart grows heavy for the people, millions and millions of people who are lost and have no hope because they do not know about Jesus. I think of the millions and millions against the only 100s of workers. My heart longs to see people get raised up to go... go out into the nations to share the only hope in Jesus Christ.

6. Prayer. I believe in prayer. I want to pray more. I desire to see prayer change the world. I want to see prayer bring life into people's life.

7. Reading Psalm 119, I want to know, read, meditate and obey God's word. Try reading it and see how many times the author writes precepts and word... When will we as a people take God's word seriously? When will we truly believe this is the only way to gain life? When will we find time to read, study, meditate and memorize God's word instead of finding time to do everything else but that. When will God take priority in our lives?

So these are just a few of the things that my heart is dealing with lately. Please pray for us... A and me... in our individual needs and also as a family. Pray for us as we leave Chicago and head back to our home. Pray for us as we embark another season in our life. Pray for us as we spend the last week... it's going to be crazy!!!

What we've been doing in the states....

getting used to the bitter cold

all bundled up in the snow

enjoying the sun on a cruise with family

hanging out with cool aunts

and good friends

being a flower girl at a very special person's wedding

eating incredibly good food and gaining pounds

celebrating Christmas

being silly

making new memories!!!

Our Job

It's been a while since I've blogged. It's kind of crazy. We have been on four different trips since we've been back and it's been flying by. We now have 15 days until we return back to our house. It's been great being back. God has increasingly been working on things of my heart that have been making me search deep down and go through things that have challenged me greatly. I'm really excited to see what the Lord will be doing with all that.

There is something that's really been burdening my heart. Children. Having gone through what I have gone through and seeing how people have taken care of A and I, I can't help but be grateful of the body of Christ. How so many of those around us have taken God's word, "take care of the fatherless and widows" so seriously. It has been such a privilege to be loved by so many of you.

So this burden in my heart. I longed for such a long time to have more kids. P and I tried for a year and a half to have another child before the Lord took P to be with Himself. Now I think of how that desire is still not gone. Then I think of all those children who are without families. I'm proud to say that there are several families at our church that does "safe house" with Lydia home. There are also so many around me that have adopted. And as I read scripture, I read over and over how our job as followers of Christ is to take care of the widows, fatherless and orphans. I really am burdened and am wrestling with what my role is for our calling as believers for this task. There are about 2.9 million children alone in the US that are orphans (got this off line).

My heart is heavy with sadness when I think about my little A growing up without a father, but then I look at these figures and I am so grateful that I get to raise my daughter, her mother. These children don't have either, for whatever reason. I wonder what Christ's love would do for those children.

Again, this has just been burdening my heart lately and thought I would share it!!!

I really would like to challenge people to question what your role is on this matter. Should you adopt? Should you help out at an orphanage? Should you help financially with those how would like to adopt? Please pray about this for yourselves and for me. This is just another tangible way to do what God has asked us to do.

Thinking of you...

Tonight as I get ready to go to bed, I put up pictures of my friends that I miss dearly. I miss talking to you girls and want to sit down somewhere and talk. I love you and miss you so!! I don't have pictures of everyone, but all of you who are on the other side of the world, even though I am truly enjoying spending my holidays here with friends and family... I miss my family there!!!

32

as i snuggle into bed in my footie pjs, i can't help but think how tomorrow would have been P's 32nd birthday. tonight as JM and i talked, i was reminded of P's first birthday we celebrated together. it was his 26th. i got him two remote control cars. i'm a pretty competitive person, so i thought it would be fun for us to have so we could race each other after we got married (which was going to be two months later). that night was really funny because i challenged him to a race as soon as he opened it, but as we lined up the cars, we realized there were no batteries. so sad...

it's crazy how time just keeps going and somehow subconsciously my brain must have known the day was coming up even though i wasn't consciously thinking about it. so today... i was a little down and just felt like wandering around. i had to go and pick up my wallet that i had left at Target by accident then A and i just went around... we went shopping, went out to eat, went to the library, went to drop something off a friend's house, went grocery shopping... somewhere in all that, i did realize that my feelings were due to P's birthday and just feeling sad about it... called AH to talk.

i told A that we were going to make a cake for daddy's birthday and the first thing she said was, "so we could eat it." ha ha... yes and remember daddy. but yeah... i'm not sure if we'll make it out to memory park, but we'll definitely have cake... maybe we'll go out to eat lunch or dinner or both... i've got lots of stuff to do, but who knows if i'll just not care about all that and just want to bum...

P, not sure if you get to celebrate birthdays in heaven, but if you do, hope you have a good one. it'll be your third one up there, so not sure if you're 3 or 32... :) i love you and miss you tons. we're doing real good and know that you would be super proud of your girls... A and i both are so excited to see you. A is lately into saying how much more she loves you than me, so i bet that puts a smile on your face. have fun...

hate

i was reading from John 15 this morning. the first 17 verses are actually like my life verses now... just learning how to abide in Christ. in the latter verse of 5 it says, "apart from me you can do nothing." then He gives us a promise in verses 7 and 8. i really enjoy reading from God's word and learning what it means to be in Christ.

the remaining verses in that chapter and the first 4 of the next talk about what it is going to be like when we take this abiding thing seriously... we are going to be hated. sounds nice doesn't it. Jesus says because the world hated me, when you start acting like me, they are going to hate you too. doesn't sound so appealing huh?

i think of how much people hate followers of Christ... pro-abortionists, people who are against Christmas because it's religious, people who support homosexuals... it's kind of crazy... you learn all your life to stand up for what you believe in... and then you do... and people hate you. but all along Jesus knew this was going to happen and He warns us... if you read John 16:3 it says that they will do such things because they do not know Him. Hmmm... then what is our job... to tell them of Christ right?

i wish i could say that will solve the problem. the fact is the more we tell them of Christ, the more they are likely to hate us. interesting huh?

are we being hated? not that we should go around starting things to be hated, but i wonder... if we aren't being hated, are we doing our job? are we telling the message correctly?

Health

go green has been going on for a while. it actually is getting around the world... this time coming back here it's not just go green, but organic and hormones and shakes and all these health stuff. i think it's great actually... God gave us this earth, yes we should take care of it... God gave us this body, yes we should take care of it... but as i look at different people fussing over all this... i wonder... what if we started caring about our spiritual health just as much as we are caring about our physical health. people read book after book about what foods to eat, what exercise is good... but i wonder how much time are we spending in the word. people sit down and talk over and over about the benefits of this food and that food... yes this is important, but what about talking about our spiritual health?

i wish i cared about my spiritual health when i was younger. yes the Lord did end up taking a hold of my life in the end and i am so in love with Him, but i know it could have been done earlier the way He was calling out for me.

our physical health comes with our spiritual health. i was just praying today about how i want to be a healthy person, physically. i love God and the more and more i realize that i am a temple of God... i want to take care of this temple... and i think that's where our physical health really comes... when we realize what it is and love it the way the Lord does.

just a thought for today...