Wow where do I start? I feel like it’s been a long time since I blogged and I feel like I’ve been a little busy to sit down and post a blog. I sit here at my desk, tired really after a full week and having been up throughout the night with A. A had a fever last night and this morning. After taking Tylenol, she is now playing with our helper and I am taking some time to just type down some thoughts.
The week started with our wonderful friend and aunt TB visiting us. She spent two nights with us and that was so much fun. We played, shopped, ate good food, watched movies… It was so nice to have her here. Thanks for coming TB.
In between the visit, I worked while A got some “date” time with TB. It was great. Work has been good. Really getting to know some of the people and developing friendships with co-workers and people who come to The Center. I love it. Next week, I get to teach my very own class. I’m kind of excited.
This week we also started decorating for Christmas because next weekend we will be away for our church retreat. So, we put up our tree and put some lights on it… I have to say it was pretty emotional just thinking of how we used to do things. P would blast out Christmas music, we would put on Santa hats and decorate. This year… A really didn’t care, so I did it alone. Then I started laughing because I remembered having a conversation with P about the Trans Siberian Orchestra. He wanted to get the CD at the store and I told him I loved the band. He looked at me funny and smirked. He said, “you know who they are?” So I may have been born and raised in the states, but I don’t know much about music, so he was shocked. I told him I knew in a rather offended tone and he again laughed. I told him that my friend BK loved that group and I heard it before. Then P acknowledged that I knew what I was talking about because my friend knows music. Ha ha… so as I decorated I found myself sad at one moment and laughing the other.
In the past week, maybe a little more, I feel the Lord has been really working in my heart in many areas, but He showed me how I haven’t really dealt with some emotions since being here. I love how God searches our hearts and reveals what’s going on in us. I also love how honest I could be with God. I was telling a friend yesterday, how people think something and then are not brave enough to tell God what they are thinking, even though He already knows what they thought about. Me included, but I’ve been so totally honest with Him with everything lately… It’s so freeing to be able to tell God the things in my heart and know fully that He accepts me and is hearing me and loves me all the same.
It’s been a little over 5 months since being here and a little over 17 months since P died. Can’t believe how time has passed, but like I told TB, although it’s been 17 months, sometimes I feel like it’s been 17 years… I mean I totally feel sometimes that I have lived 17 years since last June. Soon it will have been a year and a half and then… two years will come like nothing…
I read a few letters that P wrote me after decorating the tree … and in each letter he talked about God’s faithfulness and how in perfect faithfulness God has planned things from long ago… (Isaiah 26:1 – I think) reminding me that whatever happens… God is faithful and has a good plan for us. Although of course in his letters he talked about us getting old and grey together in the hoped for plan…
I guess I will always feel this way… missing P, but ever so excited about what God has for A and I in the future. I trust in His is goodness and faithfulness. We serve a great God…
Just watched a Joseph movie with A as she is sick… What suffering He went through, but through each one, God was His hope and He was blessed beyond what anyone could make up. Awesome huh? Not that I’m expecting a blessing like Joseph, but as I read “Magnificent Obsession” by Anne Graham Lotz, I realize that just being in love with God is a blessing. Oh to keep falling in love with everyday…
