My favorite movie, “Remember the Titans” also has one of my favorite quotes: “attitude reflects leadership, captain.” For a couple weeks, I have been frustrated at A’s attitude, she’s been so whiney and everything was about daddy. Yesterday I was on the phone with a good friend talking about such things and realizing that I too have an attitude problem. She told me that we have some things to work through, but we’ll get through it. She gave me some good advice and it was an encouraging, but hard talk. She’s the one friend I know that will tell me exactly how it is. Thanks for that, AH. After my conversation with her, I went on the treadmill and I was running, I had a great conversation with God. I realized that her attitude reflected mine and God pointed out how my reactions were to her, which made her the way she was. I came out of the workout refreshed. Yesterday and today have been wonderful for A and I. I have to keep reminding myself how my attitude needs to be good and not just expect hers to be good. Again only two days, but it’s going well.
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Today I read Romans 6… I really enjoy reading the new testament… I was really convicted yet again about the sin in my life through this chapter.
Verses 1-2 “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?
This is same question is then repeated in verse 15. We have died to sin… it should not be a part of our lives…
Verses 5-6 “For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.”
Verses 10-11 “For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Verse 12 “THEREFORE DO NOT LET SIN REIGN IN YOUR MORTAL BODY, THAT YOU SHOULD OBEY IT IN ITS LUSTS.”
Verses 22-23 “But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our LORD.”
I think about how we sometimes abuse God’s grace. I think I have written about this before… But we cannot knowingly sin because of God’s grace… we are abusing God’s grace.
Verse 14 “FOR SIN SHALL NOT HAVE DOMINION OVER YOU, FOR YOU ARE NOT UNDER LAW BUT UNDER GRACE.”
I don’t by all means think that this is saying that we should go ahead and sin because of grace… no. I cannot speak as eloquently or with such power as Paul who wrote this book. Read it… we should be running from sin… in battle with Satan for righteousness in our lives. Oh how I struggle with that, but know that He is giving me strength everyday to overcome it… no He has already overcome it… and I too have died to it. Lord help me to hate sin and grow more as your slave, not a slave to sin.
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Today a friend, KS, called. We may have talked a week ago, but sometimes with our busy lives, it seems like such a long time. Was so glad that she called and we got to share the things God has been doing in our lives in the season that we are in. She shared with me Psalm 139 and how God has really spoken to her through that chapter. So after our encouraging conversation, I got out my bible and read Psalm 139 yet again. Ugh… how intimately our Father loves us…
Verse 14 “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works. And that my soul knows very well.”
As I read that, I just thought of how I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my heavenly Father. He made me and I’m wonderful. His works are marvelous. We are all marvelous… doesn’t that just give you confidence in who you are in Christ. And I prayed that my soul will know this truth very well. I want to have A memorize this verse and have her grow up knowing that she should be confident in who she is for she is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator.
Verse 16b “And in Your book they all were written. The days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” (NKJV)
“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (NIV)
I again was comforted by this verse. The Lord gave me this verse shortly after P’s death, but I feel like He’s given this to me again in a different light… Before it was comforting to know that God knew P’s death was going to happen before they were to happen. It was a comfort knowing He was in control and that He ordained it before it happened. Today as I read it, it brought about a new sense of security. I don’t know what my days are to look like in the future, but even though it hasn’t come to be, it’s already written in God’s book and it’s ordained by Him… How awesome is that. Again I found comfort in knowing that each step I take after Him, He’s blessed it before it happened. So as I pray about my future and make plans and steps toward that, I know that He’s already been there… I just need to keep following.
Verses 23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”
As I read this I thought… wow what a bold statement. But then it was also convicting. What if every day I had this attitude toward God? What if I had this relationship with Jesus?? It was quite scary at first thinking of what He would say to me about my heart and what’s actually in it… but then I thought of how if I had done this two weeks ago when A’s attitude was getting bad, would it have gone on for two weeks. I want to start praying this daily… God search me… know my heart… Try me (woah that’s hard to say….). How much deeper will my relationship be with our Lord?
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A couple weeks ago, A asked me to play the guitar for when she goes to bed. I hadn’t played in a while, sorry teacher KA, but I picked it up and played her favorite song “Mighty to Save”. Ever since then, every night I have been playing the guitar for her and playing her songs for her bed time. It’s actually really good… I get good practice along with some good worship time as she falls asleep. As I type now, my fingertips on my left hand ache, KA said that it’s a good sign if that happens. Ha ha…
Next week starts a busy week, please pray for us. Please pray for continual health and safety. Please pray for the people we meet and encounter.
Please pray for me personally as I am making some steps about our future. It’s been 5 months since I’ve been here and I’m starting to pray about next steps, what the Lord has for us. God’s been extremely good in all that He has done in our lives… Next week it will be 17 months since P’s death… those first months were literally a nightmare for me, but God is good in bringing me to a place of peace, joy, comfort, security and anticipation of what He has for me next. Hooray for God. So please continue to lift us up… that’s really what has brought us this far…
