I feel a little bi-polar. I am really excited about leaving and starting school and pursuing this new chapter in my life, but really all at the same time I am extremely sad about leaving. My heart can't figure out if I'm here or there. It's here and wants to make the best of the last couple months, but it's also there. For example, I was at church and I was so sad thinking there are only several more times there... remembering how we started out there as a family and crying, but all at the same time, God gave me a picture of the chapel at the school I will be attending and I was so excited to be there with what will come. Overwhelming feelings... so what do I do... just start crying...
It's seriously closing this part of my life now... I don't know what the Lord will have for us when I'm done with school. It's saying good-bye to all that was P and us... saying good-bye to family here... saying good-bye to a future that could have been... it's also remembering all that happened while we were here... the nightmares I used to have are just memories now and they are coming back... I guess that's how you find closure.
Two nights ago I just cried yelling at God and P... waves of grief are coming back... anger, depression, wanting to be alone, but wanting someone to talk to all in the same... Almost three years later and here we go again, I guess this will just continue as life goes on, no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
A is doing great dealing with all this. She's really excited about our friends who are coming to pick us up. SR is bringing her daughter, A's friend. It's going to be such a blessing to have them come. Thanks guys!!!
Please continue to pray for us... I don't even know what to ask for because half the time I don't even know what I'm really feeling, it's just so complicated!! Pray for A as she deals... she's doing good, but who knows what that heart is going through.
