four more days

listening to the sounds of the singing cicadas on my squirrel free balcony (we had a squirrel living in our tomato plant, now gone) as i think of how i have four more days before school starts for both A and me.  i am very sad that i will not be able to take A to her first day of school because i have classes that day, but am thankful for God's provision in having my sister's school go through construction so she doesn't have to start school until after labor day, making it a little easier for me to be okay since she will be taking her to school and picking her up.

as a single mom, i think you give yourself a little bit more pressure to do everything right and be there for everything.  when you can't you feel like a failure... you want to make up for the loss that your child has so you try extra harder to make it even better.  i know in my mind that if P was here it would be different and i probably wouldn't have felt all these little things are so meaningful... but it is what it is and as much as i tell myself it is okay... i still feel the pressure and feel like i'm letting A down and that she will feel the missing piece.

the thing is, no matter how hard i work at it, she'll always feel the missing piece and that's what's going to make up her story... but as a mom... as a parent, you can't let it go so easy.  so i give my sister the day to fill my missing piece with camera along so i don't have to miss it...

so four more days... i haven't finished one book that i wanted to before i start class and the pressure is on.  i have 14 credit hours of classes, but i have more classes that has to do with theology this semester than previous, so a little nervous about that.  those professors are much harder.  :)

i just wanted to say a little something on this balcony as i sat here before i start my reading.

let the semester begin!!

in kansas on the boat... please pray for us as you look at the picture.