rise up.
be bold.
be about ME.
wake up and look around.
act!!
these are words that i hear God speaking to my heart. my heart is bursting with passion, but don't know where to start. i am going to start with ending my blog. this will be my last entry. i will close out the blog soon (when i learn how).
God has been revealing so much to me... a whole summer of illuminations as my professor calls them. and i need to now act. and sitting at home writing blogs just doesn't seem to me NOW (whereas before it was a place to express my raw feelings) as more than a way for me to connect with whoever is still reading this. i did at one point wonder if my blog could help those in need and maybe it has, but honestly... i feel like it's just about me and what i'm going through... a way to get sympathy... some attention even maybe. i desire real relationships!! phone calls, e-mails, letters... i want to connect with people on a deeper level... have a covenant relationship with grace, empowerment and intimacy. speak into each others lives and be humble enough to be sharpened and then to sharpen others. i don't want to keep blogging about it, hoping that someone will understand my heart and do it with me... i want to act upon it and have it. i honestly don't even want to have artificial friendships on facebook. i look at 400+ friends on facebook and think those aren't real friendships because when i look at that, there are really only a handful of people that i would consider having the covenant, grace-filled, empowering, intimate relationships that i desire.
i guess you could read into my frustration a little bit. this is the thing... i want realness... genuineness... in depth rawness and the ability to stand naked and unashamed in front of people... especially my brothers and sisters and Christ. i feel that the church should be that and instead there is more slander, gossip, put-downs, distance within... it saddens me.
this closing of my blog is not all of a sudden. i don't want to come across impulsive. i have been writing less and less... i've been praying about ending facebook as well. it's my desire to connect...
