good bye leamington

i sit here on my red chair at my leamington house, blogging from this home probably for the last time. L and G have been such good "parents" for me in this season in my life... how do i even begin to thank them for their love and support... i do want to say that i love you guys and will always my days at leamington.
so i'm all ready to finally say i am all moved out and all moved in once today is over.
memories i have here at this house...
1. block party
2. R and L's incredible cooking (picture of one of L's wonderful meals)
3. tasty foods... goldfish
4. inheritance - red footies
5. olympics opening ceremony party
6. birthday breakfasts
7. family
8. G's birthday!!!
9. christmas traditions - advent house for A, the whole day... foods
10. flowers on the 16th
and much much more...

this family helped me through the toughest time of my life and i know it was totally a God thing. such a blessing in my life!!! thanks guys!!!

internet

sorry that i am not writing. i have no internet at my new house yet. please be patient.

celebration

thanks to all of you who have been praying for me and my family and especially my grandmother. she is now with the lord and hopefully giving P a big hug. i'm still not sure how to feel, but... please keep praying.

may be tonight

just came home after having dinner with my parents and sister. my grandma was taken to the hospital a few days back... very lethargic and not eating. after a few tests, they found a tumor in her lung and due to continued infections, they didn't think she would make it a week or two. a few hours ago, my uncle called telling us the doctors thought she might not make it through the night. my parents are on a flight to return early tomorrow morning. i'm still not sure how i feel about all this. i really prayed that it would be quick for her sake and i feel the Lord may be listening to that, but the emotional part... i'm not sure... am i ready for another death?
please pray for all this. pray that my family will be at peace with God's timing in this. pray for my uncles who do not know the Lord, pray that my grandma's years of prayers will be answered by them coming to faith. pray for necessary travels with family members.

last days

i just got a call from my mom that my last living grandparent (my dad's mom) has a week or two left to live. she's like 96 and i don't know what to feel. the first thing i thought of was, P has someone else he has coming. i know he'll receive her with open arms. i thought they could finally communicate... she only speaks korean. i then prayed that it won't take long. i just can't tolerate pain, on me or on anyone else... i was just wondering this week what do you say to someone who hears that news or to anyone in the family... but then now it's my turn.
my grandma is the cutest grandma and the last time i saw her, she had her hands on both P and me praying for us before we left for indonesia. she helped raise me while my parents worked. she would knit a lot i remember. we used to sing. i spent a lot of my young years in my grandparents' apartment. my grandpa is going to be so excited to see her. they were so cute... always walking anywhere holding hands. she's barely 5 feet and he was like 5'10. maybe they will do that in heaven too... walk hand in hand.
i don't know if i'll be brave enough to go to the funeral. someone so close... i know it's a little expected since she is older and it's nothing like P's, but still... i don't know if i'll be brave enough. i'm not sure i'm ready to send another close person... even though she lives in another state... i feel like we had a special connection because she was such a part of my life when i was young. again as much as i'm not ready for someone else to go... i hope it's fast and not painful for her...

mama mia

i'm not trying to promote a movie. i happen to watch this movie (at least a part of it) on the plane when i was coming back to the states from indonesia. i really enjoyed. i bought it and watched it a few times since then. tonight as i packed i watched it and watch the last part in bed as i was winding down. i cried my eyes out watching it. without giving the movie away... the movie is about a girl getting married and doesn't know who her father is. anyway... as i watched her looking for her father and then wanting her father to walk her down the aisle... i just sobbed. it's a musical so there is a lot singing... two parts made me cry really hard... one was when the mom is getting her ready for the wedding and she sings this song about her little girl growing up... i just thought, one day that maybe me... the other part was when ... wait i will give the movie away if i say that part... but i cried during the wedding. anyway... i just think about what kind of mother i am going to be in the years to come... and then pray that the Lord will walk me through every step of A's milestones as she walks through them too.
i know i mentioned in one of my earlier blogs about the gilmore girls... again not promoting any movie or show, but i have to say i do like the relationships the mothers have with their daughters... i pray that in a godly way i may have that kind of relationship with my little girl.
i'm learning more and more each day what we are meaning for each other... i dread the day she grows up and i have to let go... as much as i am trying to be there for her, she has been a pillar for me through this time of my life. God knew i couldn't do this alone... so He prepared her for me... to be my team (as P called the three of us). praying that as much as we depend on each other, we'd both learn to depend on the Lord more and more each day of our lives.
today was a pretty hard day... missing P... running errands... missing home (both indonesia and the home we had together... "home is where you are" is what we used to say to each other...)...

Stories

i am tired. traveling is tiring and this past week was emotionally, mentally and physically tiring. being with both families was great, but it was hard having P not there with us. i thought of it the whole time and i know family did too... but trying to make the best of it in the midst of it is hard. it is also very different...
my trip for tomorrow got postponed. praise the Lord really because i am just tired and with moving coming up, i just think it will be more relaxing.
A is so excited to go to our new house. her grandparents got her a play kitchen set for christmas and that's been what she is looking forward to in our move.
A is really enjoying stories... so she says... mommy... tell me a story about daddy. i'll tell her one or two and she always wants more.
tonight i went out with some friends and it was so much fun. we talked about our kids and husbands... and on the way home i thought of something that made me really sad. people are all going to have new stories and i'm going to have the same stories of my husband for years to come. i wondered on my drive home if at any point some people would get tired of my P stories of when we were together, since there will be no development on that one. i also wondered how hard it would be one day when everyone's lives seem to be moving on... people having more kids, anniversaries, funny things that happens to couples, vacations (as families or couples) ... all those things that make more stories, but my stories (at least the one about my husband) will always be the same. i'll have plenty of A stories... but i miss having funny moments with P or doing stupid things with him that we end up laughing about for days... those stories won't be there any more. same with A... she'll have plenty of stories of her daddy, from me and others, but it'll be the same ones over again...
stories are so good because we could remember people by them... it's also sad if there is no more to tell.
these past few days i have been missing him a lot.
tonight as i parked and walked up to the house, i thought how great it would be if he was sitting on the steps waiting for me as we had done before. i thought how wonderful it feels to have someone waiting for you... stinks that he wasn't, even though i knew he wasn't going to be there... you get disappointed anyway.
almost seven months... wow... time is going and june 2008 just seems so far behind me.... wondering if it was really just six and a half months or was it that many amount of years... you wake up one day and a day actually starts to feel like a day and not a year anymore... some day i know a day will feel like it has gone by too quickly. i guess that's when i will tell my new stories and not be so sad that all i have are repeats. (i mean seriously who wants to hear the same story over and over and over again)
**talking about stories... i know i've asked this before, but if you have a story of you and phil (funny, sad, spiritual, whatever) please send it with a picture of you and phil or just of you. this is for a book for A. thanks.**