i just got a call from my mom that my last living grandparent (my dad's mom) has a week or two left to live. she's like 96 and i don't know what to feel. the first thing i thought of was, P has someone else he has coming. i know he'll receive her with open arms. i thought they could finally communicate... she only speaks korean. i then prayed that it won't take long. i just can't tolerate pain, on me or on anyone else... i was just wondering this week what do you say to someone who hears that news or to anyone in the family... but then now it's my turn.
my grandma is the cutest grandma and the last time i saw her, she had her hands on both P and me praying for us before we left for indonesia. she helped raise me while my parents worked. she would knit a lot i remember. we used to sing. i spent a lot of my young years in my grandparents' apartment. my grandpa is going to be so excited to see her. they were so cute... always walking anywhere holding hands. she's barely 5 feet and he was like 5'10. maybe they will do that in heaven too... walk hand in hand.
i don't know if i'll be brave enough to go to the funeral. someone so close... i know it's a little expected since she is older and it's nothing like P's, but still... i don't know if i'll be brave enough. i'm not sure i'm ready to send another close person... even though she lives in another state... i feel like we had a special connection because she was such a part of my life when i was young. again as much as i'm not ready for someone else to go... i hope it's fast and not painful for her...
