today i was on the train after counseling thinking of A. we have been watching the kid version of "the passion of Christ" since good friday and she has been asking such good questions like, "but why mommy does Jesus have to die on the cross?" "why a cross mommy?" "how did Jesus grow up?" "why the men being mean?" "why is there an earthquake?" and much more. she sits on my lap as we watch the movie and it's an intense movie and she asks all those questions. i love the questions, but after five days of the same movie and same questions... now i just ask them back to her, "well A why did Jesus have to die on the cross?" "why do you think the men are being mean?" i love how she answers it just the way i did with even the little intonations that i do. she's so funny...
but today as i was thinking of that... A sitting on my lap asking the most important questions that could ever be asked, i thought of one day sitting on Jesus' lap asking my questions as we watch the movie of my life... "Jesus, why did that have to happen?" "Jesus, but why like that?" "how come you didn't save me from that?" "Jesus, what was the good in that?" and much more... and i imagined Him holding me like i hold A and answering all my questions because He loves me... i don't know if that's biblical or if that will really even happen, but a thought that came to mind today...
i have lots of questions actually, some that have already been answered, some that will be answered and some i won't know until i'm sitting on His lap and He explains it to me... but the great thing is that God cares... not just cares, but is so intimately involved in our lives and wants us to see it and feel it.
i love how much God loves me and how He freed me from my sins so that i could boldly and confidently approach Him in that intimate relationship, but the best thing is that He not only wants it with me, but with all peoples. God loves each person so intimately and personally... He knows our needs and desires and wants to have a relationship with us to fulfill those for us. Sometimes it's not the way you think or expect (that i know is true), but nonetheless He listens and fulfills it and you'll see that in the end it was better than you had ever imagined.
i'm a planner... i like schedules and like to know when i'm expected where and what i'm supposed to do... so i have my own set of expectations in life and like to plan things out... but not all of them have turned out the way i wanted nor will they always turn out in the future. the great thing is, one day i will sit on Jesus' lap and ask Him those questions... "but why not that time?" "why did that happen?" and He'll explain it to me, but i hope that i could see the betterness (i like to make up words) of the situation as they occur. that's not always going to happen i know, but i don't want to be blind when it is obvious that my plan stunk compared to what God had for me.
i would love to be sitting on Jesus' lap...
