**last night i typed up "embracing widowhood" to put on the blog today.**
Embracing widowhood
I became a widow at the age of 27. I cried the night I became a widow thinking I was too young. Since then I’ve heard of widows younger than I and my heart ached for them. I hated the word widow, but now am learning to embrace it. Before, I would cringe when people would call me that… one time, maybe a month after P died, I was playing scategories with a group of people… the letter was “w” and it was “something you find at the beach”. Someone I did not know and she really didn’t know me nor my situation put down “widow” for that line. When she announced it, most eyes were on me… I remember saying, “I was just at the beach” as my insides turned.
Before leaving the states, the Lord turned me to the book of Ruth. It was quite by accident. We had gone to family camp with our adopted family, and I forgot to bring books for A to read. So she says, “mommy you could just read your bible” as she brings me my bible. I go through the bible in my head, looking for the shortest book and remembered Ruth. Not thinking of the content, I started to read it to A. I immediately regretted turning there, but she insisted I read it and I thought, well it’s the bible.
I have read that book a lot of times since that is my middle name. Yet this time this book meant something so much more. Three widows and how they handle life. I was intrigued. After that weekend, I called my bible theology major friend and asked her if she knew of a book I could read to go more in depth with this book. She found me two. I chose the skinnier of the two to read, seeming that I only had a month to study this before I left the country. I was floored by the insight this author had of the book of Ruth.
One major thing I got out of the book that helped me embrace my widowhood is God’s provision. The Lord knew that being a widow was going to be hard, so He made rules for His people to follow to provide for them. He wanted to provide for His people… even the widows. So He made rules on how to care for them… and many times in the bible it talks about the role of the body to take care of the widow and the fatherless… to defend the cause of the fatherless and widows… to make sure they are provided for… and as I read through this book, I thought, “wow my God loves me. Nothing takes Him by surprised… He knew what would come and had a plan for it”.
I got this new bible, the Ryrie Study Bible. It was a gift before I left. I really like it. Anyway, I looked in the back with words that have references next to it… so I looked up widow, again in a way to embrace my widowhood (kind of the same as some of you struggle with embracing singlehood). I was shocked when the Lord says in Exodus 22:22-24 “Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.” God means business. He cares for His people, but He also knows who is vulnerable. So He Himself wants to protect and hear them. My God is just. I know there will be times when I think things are unfair and think to myself how it would be different if P was here and things would have been different. But I don’t have to do anything to make it right… God who is just, hears my cry and will take care of it for me. I do not desire the Lord to kill them by all means, but hey… God means business here.
So I have this new attitude in my embracing of widowhood… don’t mess with me… God’s got my back.
Of course at the same time I pray the Lord continues to humble me and grow me. I don’t plan to take advantage of my position, but I do know and recognize the difference of being single and married and being widowed.
**this morning, i wrote in my journal...**
Lord... come what may. I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN. God i have to trust You have my best interest in mind. I know You will work in and through this. Come what may...I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!! The Lord's got my back.
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as some sayings go... sometimes things have to get bad before they get better. today was bad. the situation had turned for the worst. BUT my God like i had mentioned promised to provide for me and take care of me. so... by the end of the day, through the grace of God and His hand at work, the situation was resolved. PRAISE THE LORD. no more having to worry about this. as i talked to a friend today, who was helping me with the situation, God probably woke up lots of people to pray for us in the midst of this. thank you so much for praying us through this.
i want to thank many of you who have just e-mailed or called to tell me you are praying without asking questions. i really appreciate that. just know that you played a huge part by praying. thank you once again.
we love you and really appreciate the body of Christ throughout the world.
