what have we got to lose?

after P died, i felt like i was going to do and try anything... what have i got to lose right?  i mean my husband died, that's pretty horrible, and i just thought i was going to conquer this world because i had the pizzazz.  nothing was going to stop me.  i tried lots of things, traveled more, went on roller coasters (which i really really hate - found out, i still don't like it, but it wasn't going to kill me), ran a 5K (still dislike running, but i guess i could do it), and the list could go on.  that attitude has been going away for some reason.  i find myself being more timid and fearful...  this semester, i have experienced a couple things with people and explored some things of my past, and in the end i realized that the pizzazz i had, the "what have i got to lose?" attitude has been gone.

my professor for my last formation group had us "sit in the moment"... just enjoy the people in the room, the food we were eating... not think of anything else.  what a gift.  as i was sitting there, i thought of some things that i would regret if i didn't deal with it soon.  i mean why live with regret when there is a now to deal with it, confront it, love through it, fight for it, and just sit in the moment...  i keep thinking, why wait... what have i got to lose?  i don't want to regret.  so all this to say... my pizzazz is back.  i'm not going to live a life of regret.

with that, i have continually this semester been learning about love.  how to love others well...  today i read in 1 corinthians 13:7 - love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.  

1. to bear = to support or hold up
2. to believe = to have confidence or faith in truth or to have confidence in the assertions of (a person)
3. to hope= to feel that something desired may happen; to place trust; rely
4. to endure = to support adverse force or influence of any kind; suffer withoutyielding; suffer patiently; to continue to exist

this is the kind of person i desire to be in Christ.  to be able to support and hold up all things (especially friends, family, loved ones)... to be able to have confidence in people that may never get a chance to be trusted... to place trust on situations, people, opportunities when others don't... to suffer patiently and continue to exist for people that do not have people that will do that for them...  because what have i got to lose, right?  a simple rejection or disagreement or put on hold... at least i'll know where it stands when i give it my all and love well.  


Lord continue to grow me and help me to live a life full of grace, love, joy, peace, freedom, healing, and laughter all in the beauty that surrounds me!!


**please pray for me as i enter a week of studying and finals!!**