Every girls' dream growing up is meeting her Prince Charming and living happily ever after. I've actually been impressed with Disney with the past few movies like "Brave" and "Frozen" and "Wreck It Ralph"... True love was not in with a man in a woman, but was portrayed between a mom and a daughter, two sisters and two friends. But I realized last week during bible study how my theology was wrong and it was more along the lines of Princess movies than God's word.
God always is working in my heart, teaching me about Himself and who I am in Him, bringing light into the dark places of my life, asking me to give things up, depend on Him, trust Him, follow Him, believe in Him... Last week during Bible Study, my life was a little turned upside down as my theology was questioned, as I grappled with the very opposite of what I thought was true... How could this be and how could I continue to believe in all that I know with this earthquake.
Our Women's Bible Study is studying 12 women of the Bible. It started out with Eve, then Rebekkah and last week it was Leah.... My theology was based on the stories of Job, Hannah, Sarah, Rachel... but not on Leah. Where does Leah fit in my theology?? Nowhere... at least not until last week.
I have realized and still continue to realize the strong grip, the grip that makes your knuckles turn white at times... well that was my grip on the theology that God is the God of Job, where when He gives, He takes away and then He blesses two folds. My theology was that God is the God of Hannah and Sarah and Rachel where when you ask, God listens and grants the desires of your heart. My theology did not have room for Leah and I don't even know if I was ready to hear it when I did, but...
Leah was a woman who was weak in the eyes. The study pointed out that we don't know if it was that she couldn't see or if the glimmer in her eyes were not like those of attractive girls, but nevertheless people knew this fact. Obviously Jacob knew this fact and that's why in his eyes he only saw Rachel and didn't see or notice Leah. Leah having been forced to marry a man who did not love her and she may not have loved either, but her only desire was to be loved or at least noticed by her husband. And though she bore him boy after boy, it continues to state how Jacob loved Rachel, not Leah. Poor Leah right?? Yet when she has Judah, she realizes that it's not Jacob who she wants to focus on, but the Lord and praise God, while the other three, if you look at the meanings of their names, were for her husband. This was a constant struggle in her life, at times she was focused on the Lord, other times she was in competition with her sister.
Hmmm not all stories are that of Job, Hannah, Sarah or Rachel, but there are stories like Leah... God's character is no different in Leah's story in comparison with Job's or the others'... the only difference is the outcome. Job and the others' if you look saw their blessing on this side of heaven, but Leah... her blessing came after she was done. The son she praised God with became the lineage to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God heard Leah, He was with her, He was her strong tower and it was a little lonely for her at times, but God was no different in this story than the others... The way He used Leah was different. That's all.
I'm ashamed to say this, but my theology of Job was what I was hoping for me... not just hoping, but holding on to that with my hands tight, knuckles turning white, almost losing the feelings in my hand... But then today's Bible study made me realize and remember truths from my past that got lost through these years... All things we hold onto with open hands... "We should live our lives in a fluid dance of surrender with God. You have to surrender, and surrender often." - Amena Brown
My strong grip is that of a little girl wanting to wear her princess dress all week long, wherever she went... stinking it up by the end of the week and not wanting to part with it. I made my life into this stench, not wanting to take off this false theology... wanting to hold on to only the things that I thought was good. That princess dress along with my theology need a wash... and when it's clean you could see and smell the truth of what it is...
My theology is that of Job and of Leah. I hold on to all things with an open hand and prayerfully depend on God to keep those hands open as I continue to honestly tell Him how the things of my heart trusting that He is listening and will do as He wills. I can't live without His Spirit.
