today was a long day for me. A woke up rather early, probably because i had gone to the bathroom, but then about an hour after she was awake was when the long day started. we were watching "charlotte's web" and about 20 minutes into it, she turns to grab my neck and starts to cry, "i want my daddy". uh... what do you say? i held her and told her i wanted him too then offered to watch home videos. she loved that idea, so we went to my room and watched some home videos. it was again just a long day because on her mind was "i miss daddy" "i want my daddy" all day long and on my mind was "what's next?" "how do i respond to that?". we saw some more home videos, watched a christmas movie that daddy liked, looked at pictures, saw clips on the computer from daddy, ate daddy's favorite food - pizza, and talked about him all day long. one time she asked if we could go and drive to heaven to see daddy. another time she told me that she gets to kiss him first when we get to heaven and i had to wait. most of her sentences started with, "you know what... daddy in heaven and he..." she filled in the blanks with things she thinks he's doing in heaven. one of was watching "little einstein" with Jesus. ha ha... the things she's thinking about. what broke my heart the most was when i told her that we will see him again in heaven when it's our turn to go to heaven. because after i told her that her eyes lit up and i had to explain that it may be a while before she saw him. i explained that she may have to wait a long long time, but when she does get there, it'll be a big party and daddy would definitely give her a huge hug. her face almost fell to the ground (i'm pretty sure her heart did too). i'm glad she's processing so much, but it is painful to watch... and very draining...
please pray for my little girl as she has a lot to deal with at such a young age.
on a lighter note... i knitted A a little hat. here is the finished product... a little imperfect, but grandma L helped me a lot when i made some wrong stitches.
