grace

(goody bags from our christmas party last year, neighbors, P talking about christmas, P, A and i packing the goody bags - all christmas of 2007)

P's brother's family came and went. it was fast, but fun. they came to church with us where A was on stage with her sunday school class friends. she did really well singing "away in the manger", but when it was time to say her part, "the star shone bright for wisemen that night", she looked at me and cried, "mommy". monday we had a full day of christmas, the chicago children's museum and the winter wonder fest. it was soooooo much fun. (pictures to come) they left this morning with lots of snow falling, but are almost home...
today i got an e-mail from a friend and in the e-mail was a quote from a book.
"When you come to the place where you recognize that everything you have and everyone you love is a gift, it becomes possible to enjoy those gifts -- not with an attitude of greed but with one of gratitude. You and I, like Job, know that God gives and God takes away. And when he takes away, if we're able to focus on the joy of what was given, if only for a time, we take another step down the pathway toward the heart of God."
grace is getting what we do not deserve (a gift)... and i had been reading about grace in my book, "a grace disguised" (similar to what the quote has) and i have been so humbled at how i didn't deserve P in the first place... actually i didn't deserve life at all, but through God's grace, not only did i get my life, but i got to share it with P and even have a beautiful daughter that looks just like him. so even though it was only 3 years and 4 months of marriage, that was God's gift to me... to enjoy for the time that we did. my prayer has been to be joyful and the Lord has been good in listening to that, but...
christmas is hard nonetheless... i miss him terribly. today i kept thinking what i would have gotten him and what he would have gotten me. but God is so gracious and is walking through this with me every step of the way.
if there is only a way i could skip the next couple days... yet i still want to have JOY in the things and people i have now, so please pray for that... i know everyone will be understanding, but i am still mourning and enjoying life at the same time... weird, but true.