this picture explains how i am feeling. the picture was taken when we went to visit indonesia and A stood at our gate longingly looking into what was once our house. i feel homesick. i want to go back home. i miss my home... the home P and i had together. i miss him. i miss us.

a friend, K, left a voicemail this morning on my phone telling me that our friend was in the hospital having the baby. my friend, H, had a baby today. sad i wasn't there with her. sad i won't hold her baby for a long time. sad that she's there and i'm here. how i wish she and i could be in the same place.

my friend T called today... made me more homesick. i really miss her. i like the uncontrollable amount of smses she puts up with. i miss her hospitality. i miss talking to her. i miss her pretty drinks. uh and her chocolate balls... woo...

P and i loved our house. he always told me what a good job i did making our home feel so much like home... i miss his encouragement... i miss him telling me how proud he is of me. (thanks to all of you who tell me he would be proud) i miss how we laughed together... i miss the fun things we did together. we loved surprising each other.

our tradition for christmas was to spend only $10 on a gift for the other person and $5 on stuffing the stocking. we had so much fun coming up with creative ways to get gifts. i'm going to miss that this year. we always made it special...

i could tell it's going to be a long christmas.