my friend is pregnant and is due in a few weeks. i was thinking about how in 9 months so much could happen in a pregnancy... this little rice size thing grows to be a little baby then enters the world usually 9 months later to conquer it per se. today marks nine months since P went to be with the Lord. i think of all that's happened in these 9 months of my life and also in A's life. God has been so good to us and has brought us out of such darkness. He has shone light into our life and ever so gently guided us out of that darkness. there are still days of gloomy and cloudy days, but after that storm you see the rainbow... a promise from God.
so here i am 9 months later and so humbled by the way God first carried me, then walked me, then started to go before for me to follow, through this time of my life. i am kind of like the baby in the womb ready to come out and conquer the world, take steps to follow Christ in a bold way because He first loved me. God had given me courage and peace throughout this time... Lord please lead me to do your will and be willing to be open and listen to your will for me.
nine months... don't know what else happens in nine months other than a pregnancy, but... that's a lot of growing, changing and developing. i'm not saying it's over... but i do sense a new spirit in me... God's always at work in me, but i really enjoy that He hears my every word.
i'm reading a book with a group of girl friends called "better than my dreams" by paula rinehart and there are some really good things about how God works through our disappointments and expectations in life. She writes, "He wounds-in order to heal. He dismantles and exposes, so that we might know his cleansing love in the deeper reaches of our being." (p. 40) how awesome is that... i know this is not even a comparable example, but i think of the mistakes i allow A to make so she'll learn... and that's what i am doing. i was wounded, but God dug deep into my being to make me who i am now... and really what do you say but thank you God for loving me and allowing me to know you in such an intimate way.
the author also refers to c.s. lewis' book "the problem of pain" and quotes "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pains." (p. 41) how awesome is that... He wants to be there for us and wants us to hear of His love for us. c.s. lewis also called God's willingness to bruise in order to heal an intolerable compliment. so if he bruises us to heal us and shouts at us knowing it's hard... i think that's a pretty amazing God.
this past weekend, i was reading john and i was struck by a verse... the pharisees are asking Jesus if He Himself thought He was better than Abraham because Abraham is their patriarch and how dare Jesus say that... then Jesus answers by stating He was before Abraham then says, "I AM". now how awesome is that... HE IS. how powerful is that statement. I AM. i just love the power in that...
God is in control... He gives and He takes away, but i will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your Name... because He is I AM.
