mornings have been rough for me for a couple weeks. i have been up doing things at night and so when A wakes up i am so not ready for her. it got a little better once i taught her to turn on the dvd player and tv (please don't judge me). this morning though i think we both were at our last straw. A likes me to get up with her and i'd like her to sleep some more. i asked A to go start a movie and i would join her in a little bit and she said that she wanted me to come with her. finally she walked out to bring me the movie she wanted to see. when i asked her to go put it on, she had the saddest puppy dog face and said, "i miss daddy" and started to cry. poor girl... that was her special time with daddy... the mornings would be daddy and A time because i would do the night runs with her. he would make his coffee and get her milk. then he would turn on a dvd for her while he did his quiet time. being a single mom is hard. we need daddy. so we laid in bed crying thinking of the mornings she had with her daddy and the mornings i would have to sleep in.
then i went to go do my taxes. my friend, LC, watched A while i went to do them. (thank you!) i wasn't sure what to expect, but when i got to the office we just did mine, but then she realized that i had to do a joint one with P. i started feeling sick. so she took down the information and when she typed "deceased" next to his name i just wanted to run... then on one of the pages it had - age as of 01/01/2009 - and after P's it said 30 and i just wanted to be in my room... he didn't quite make it to 30... uh... why do we do taxes anyway...
singleness and taxes took a toll on me today. who knew... how it would just be so different if he were here.
