let me not live in fear

A fell of a ladder at the park on tuesday as she was on the way to go down the slide. it really shook me as much as i wanted to play it cool. friday she went potty in the morning and there was blood in her urine... that scared me so much. i went straight for the phone to call the doctor. it ended up being nothing... a paramedic friend says that if a kid is hit hard or falls and hits the stomach some way that a little blood could pass through that... then i remembered tuesday's fall. last night she was up coughing and crying because her leg hurt. i feel like she goes through leg pains when she's growing. it comes and goes, but last night i sat on the chair in her room next to her bed crying... thoughts running through my head, not knowing if i could handle another sickness. i know it was nothing, that it was only a cold and her growing, but i had fear run through my veins... i prayed for her health and safety, but ended by asking the Lord to give me the strength to endure it if by His plan A was supposed to go before me. God's given me such grace as i walked through the darkness of losing P that i know if it had to be, He would show me the same grace and even greater if need be. i do fear that it will happen again. my fear has been lessening since P's death. i was terrified in the beginning thinking something will happen to A or myself... always on the lookout, of what i cannot tell you, but i was. now i feel i am trusting Him more, but last night fear came again. Lord let me not live in fear. Lord let me know that i am secure in your arms. That all you do you have control over and nothing takes you by surprise.