I was kind of dreading the 16th. I just wanted it to be another day… a normal day, no thinking extra thinking about what happened. The thing is, I think most people could go on with daily life without thinking much about it and then the day June 16th arrives and it triggers the memory of what happened, so they go into the remembering mode. It’s a little different for me, I’m sure you all understand. I live with the reality every day. I don’t need June 16th to remind me of what happened. So although it was good to be with my family here to have a time of sharing, I have to honestly say, I am done with getting together as a group on June 16th. I think at the end of the day it’s not the day that makes me sad, but when everything is said and done and people are all gone, the fact that it’s just me and A makes it sadder. My reality which I face every day I feel like is smack in my face again.
On the flip side, I did feel rather proud on the 16th. Another year… we made it… we are even stronger and deeper in Christ than before and A and I make a pretty beautiful team together. I was so proud of both of us that on the 15th, knowing the 16th would be a little busy, I took A shopping. I told her because I was so proud of her and how she is becoming such a little lady since daddy went to heaven, I wanted to get something. I told her that not only am I proud, I know that daddy is proud and so is Jesus. So she got a new cash register. I went and got a pedicure and manicure. So there was a part of me that felt like how I described above, but the other half of me was so proud of the way we were doing.
I wish I could say it was all me, but I would be lying and taking away glory from the only one that could make me who I am now. God has been totally awesome during these past two years.
The day turned out to be very busy, but it was a good day. It's just a process... the days, the weeks, the months and the years...
One of my prayers this year was that I wanted the 16th to mean something different. Yes it is celebrating a great man, but it is a reminder of such a nightmare for me and who wants to keep going back to the nightmare right?
The Lord is so good at answering prayers. The night of the 16th, I got a text from LM, my mom in Chicago, telling me that her third child’s wife was at the hospital getting ready to have the baby. I was so excited… In Chicago it was only the morning of the 16th. The thought that the 16th may mean life of someone instead of the death of someone was overwhelming.
This morning as I got out of the gym, I got a text that their 7th grandchild was born… made it a whole new meaning to June 16th. Yes we celebrate the life that P lived, but I’m so excited about this new life that entered this world.
Also, I knew that one of P’s old students was going overseas, but I did not know that it was going to be on the 16th. I’m proud of you EW!!! You are going to do great. May the Lord bless your every step!!
