you think of all the things that you survive in a life time and you realize that God's sovereign hand had to be over it. i just think of the past few years of my life and think... wow... that's God all over it... then i think of even the last year and i can't believe the things that the Lord spared my life from...
on saturday, we survived another earthquake. you may think woah how big was it? it wasn't that big... 5.8. no serious damage that we know of, but the earth sure did shake and for a minute fear over took me once again. it's kind of crazy you know when something you know is supposed to be one way just goes and does something totally what it's not supposed to do. your mind just goes wild and even what you know, like God is sovereign, goes away from your thoughts and you panic.
i'm reading AW Tozer and as i read that, i am just relearning how seriously this life we live is a walk of faith. and honestly i don't take each step with faith like i should. like seriously every time we walk out the door, is a step of faith... to trust God with what will come before you and what will not. i need to take that more seriously.
i guess just the life that i lived the experiences i've had... i realize, that even when i leave my daughter for a few days with friends is a step of faith... trusting that the Lord will let us see each other again. some may say, girl you are overreacting... but it truly is a walk of faith to say the Lord will keep me safe and my daughter safe so that we will see each other on friday.
i was with some friends talking about how really when we choose to live a life of obedience, it's not just our lives we are sacrificing but our kids. and how God asked Abraham to lay Isaac down on the alter... the promise, the covenant, the generation of children he was supposed to have through this boy, Abraham was asked to sacrifice...
when P and i decided to have a baby it was a total trust in what God had for us. we were planning on going overseas and a lot of friends' babies were going into the hospital for various reasons a little after their birth. i told P how i didn't know if i could handle that if it happened to us overseas without family. so after praying, we decided the Lord was the one who opens and closes wombs and if He did not want us to have a baby in the states, that was what we would trust is best for us, but if He wanted us to have a baby in the states, even though it was way ahead of our plans, we would trust Him. the next month we were pregnant.
after A was born, P was driving home to get some things. P was so overwhelmed to have two girls he had to take care of and what a wonderful blessing it was to be a daddy and just gave all that up to the Lord... and the Lord spoke to him and told him that He was going to take care of P's girls for him... and that promise is still standing... even though P is gone, God is so taking care of us...
when we walk out the door daily, sometimes multiple times a day, we don't know what is ahead of us... how many times do we just walk out without a second thought that the very step we take is an act of trust... trusting that the Lord will bring us back through the same door at night.
i remember after the first earthquake we experienced, leaving A at school was a total act of faith for me. i really don't know much about earthquakes, so i kept thinking what if another one comes... but i didn't want fear to overtake me... for those who trust in the Lord have no fear.
i say all this to just remind myself that my every breath is through God's grace... through His love for me... God for some reason finds me worthy to be called His own out of the millions of people around me and let's me take a breath every second that i day and not only that, but let's me walk in the door that i went out of each morning.
Psalm 37:3b - dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture...
the promise the Lord gave me after the first earthquake. i pray that i don't have to experience a lot more, but as long as i'm in the place that the Lord has me... i will dwell in it and enjoy safe pasture... whatever that means.
MORE OF YOU LESS OF ME.... i pray that over myself daily... i want to truly have more of the Lord.
i praise the Lord that i am not going through what i did the first time when the earthquake happened, but i pray that next time i could face it without panic or fear and that the Lord will be pouring His words in my heart.
the things that make you cling to Jesus...
