a friend told me after all the services were over that the hards are yet to come... that before it gets better, it's going to get worse... i feel it... i feel like my world is crashing down... which is weird... he's been gone for two months plus a week. more and more things have my heart longing for him... more and more i feel like life is not the same... more and more i feel that i'm alone... more and more i notice that he's not here... more and more...
today i talked to A. i asked how she was doing and she just smiled. i talked about daddy and it's funny how she responded. it's like she was waiting for me to talk about him... she immediately jumped at talking about him and wanting to go back home... to our "dago pojok" to see him. it seems like she's in denial just like her mommy... not wanting all this to be true, but all the while knowing that it's been too long for it not to be true.
i find myself crying more and missing him more.
please pray for us... life seems to be crashing down all over again differently this time around.
