a man of great faith passed away about two weeks ago. i got a text message from L while i was in baltimore.
i met him for the first time after coming back to the states about a month and a half after P passed away. AS was in his usually pew at church and when i saw him i cried. i really enjoyed him before we went to indonesia and knew that he had been praying for us a lot while we were there. he would also send cards to us. he was such a blessing... i went over to him after the service and when i said who i was, he told me how he had been praying for me and sorry he hadn't come to the service. he was in the hospital. he told me now he wanted to just go home to be with Jesus. he told me he didn't want to be here anymore. i cried...
now he's there... right where he wanted to go. he was 96 1/2. wow what a man of faith.
i just got back from the memorial service. my first one since P's. i think if it was a wake it would have been way harder, but it was just a service. i was truly blessed by his life and the stories that were told...
on my way home i called a friend and talked a little, then started talking to God. it was a pretty meaningful deep talk with my Abba... crying, yelling, sobbing, asking... wondering what the meaning of my life is. what do i do now? i don't know... the problem is i thought it was mapped out for me already and all i had to do was follow... and then this great big block just fell on the map and i have no idea which direction to go now... where do i go God?
still no answers... but at least i asked... i'm doing now what i feel He is wanting me to do... taking care of A, resting, getting counseling and wrestling with the very questions i have.
