i have been going through some files of P's these past few days and today i came across a file titled "i resolve". it had his personal resolutions and our family covenant and some other things, but among them there was a subtitle "my life verses". i thought i could share that with everyone.
Psalm 96
Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splender and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. Ascribe to the Lord, o families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the Lord in the spender of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; his will judge the peoples with equity. Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his truth.
i am so proud of P. i love him. he really tried to live life to the fullest. he really wanted to glorify God in all he did. he really wanted people to know Jesus because Jesus gave P life. he made it a point to encourage people, see people for who they are, love them for who they are, talk to people that no one else talked to... he was definitely an imagebearer of Christ. good job honey... but a verse that struck out to me in all that he had typed on this document "i resolve"...
“So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”
-Luke 17:10
i feel like that's would P would have said when he saw Jesus... "i only did what i was supposed to do". i love him... he's a good guy.
i miss him. the thing is... he's in heaven and all i have are a lot of if onlys... like if only i could see him one more time... if only i could talk to him one last time... if only i could hold his hand one more time... if only i could hug him one last time... if only i could share a kiss with him once more... if only... but even if i got an if only... the end will be the same... i'd miss him and have pain... would one of those if onlys be worth it or do i just keep longing or will i be okay one day? (of course it's the latter).
i'm scared. 22 more days until we leave and my heart just is all mixed up. going back to a home where i was so suddenly picked up out of, so full of memories... get anxious thinking of all the different emotions and things i have to deal with. mad that i was so suddenly taken away... leaving there in june was hard... going back is harder... i'm not sure what it would be like when i leave there for the second time... pray for me... the thing is, it's hard enough just dealing with my questions and thoughts... but i know A will have her own when we get there.
every day has been hard for a couple weeks... please pray... that's all i could ask.
