it's been a crummy week. with monday feeling like i did nothing but still so busy... tuesday feeling sick and then the fajita incident... wednesday was supposed to be our fourth anniversary together... P would call them honeymoons and plan something fun. i didn't know what i wanted to do and people called to let me know they would be "on-call" for me if i needed them. i ended up going to eat dinner with BR and watched, "he's just not that into you" while KS watched A. it was so much fun. then AH brought over dessert and i talked with the girls til late. thanks girls for helping me out and being with me. it was really good. emotionally just really tiring this week...
i was reading some of the letters P wrote me when we were dating, engaged and married and i was balling my eyes out when he would write, "can't wait to see where God has us in 5, 10, 20 years from now..." knowing that it wasn't just my hope to see those many years go by, but his too...
crummy weeks come and go... memories spark happiness and sadness... you cry and you laugh... life goes on whether you are ready or not... but i've been thinking about how my life is so good despite those crummy weeks and sadness and not readiness... because my Father in heaven is the ultimate planner of all that happens and there is no mistake in what He does... it may not make sense, but it definitely is not a mistake.
i went out with some women from bible study for lunch and in the car ride there we talked about how people think they deserve things... a car, a husband, a child, a house, a whatever... or as some people call it a "package" in life... but IS so truthfully said how we don't deserve anything but death... how true that is. BUT through God's amazing grace we are given the gift of life... a gift of marriage... a gift of having children...
Lord help me to be thankful for the things i have... the things i do not deserve but you so graciously give... and Lord... even when it's taken... let me realize that it wasn't mine to begin with... it is all YOURS... my husband, my daughter, my money, my clothes... they are all YOURS and i got to have it as a gift for as long as YOU allow it... help me to treasure them as you do and let me be wise...
pray for me as i want this crummy week to end... for A as i think she realizes mommy is having a crummy week and wanting extra attention.
