i can't believe that tomorrow when i awake, P will have been gone a month. it doesn't even feel like a month and i don't know if anyone else is thinking days. these past two days have been the hardest so far and i know that there will be more in the future.
tonight i was faced with A in a series of things she is processing... what started out with her wanting her bike that we left behind at our house, ended with her saying, "i want my daddy" with her eyes filling up with tears. wow... what do you say to that? i wished there was a manual i could read to know what i should say. instead i just held her and we both cried. i asked if she missed daddy and she said yes... i told her i missed him too. i told her it was okay to cry and miss daddy. we then looked at pictures of her and daddy which seem to lift her spirits. then i went through our bedtime routine. as i was putting her to bed, i prayed the Lord will give me the right words to say to her. then a song came to mind. there are songs that P and i sang to her, but one song was something he only sang to her. so i sang that and she smiled and said, "daddy sing that for A". i was so glad that she remembered it was daddy's song. and with a smile A fell asleep.
i know again there will be hard days, maybe even harder than tonight, but i know just as the Lord gave me the right song to sing tonight, He will lead A and i in the path that we need to go. i know He is good and that's all i could trust... His goodness.
please continue to pray as A and i faces days, weeks, months and maybe even years of processing this. pray that A will have peace as well as understanding in all these things that is hard for a 2 year old to understand. pray that i will have wisdom at the right times for the both of us.
thank you all so much for praying and sending cards and calling. it's been a blessing!!!
