I'm not sure if this is part of dealing with death or if it's just me or whatever. I've been praying God give me good memories of P. It's been hard to think of P and not think of the last month that he was at school, let alone the last few days with him. So when I think of him, I get discouraged because those are the thoughts that come up and it's hard.
So I prayed that the Lord will give good memories. But instead I got this idea to write down all the things that came into mind when I wanted to think of him. I think the Lord is guiding me through this... I mean what crazy person would want to write down every detail they could remember of the last month with their husband that passed?
In the past few days that is exactly what I did. I journaled everything I remembered of the last month... It filled up 7 pages, typed. From the moment he left for school til the day he went to be with the Lord. As hard as it was, through times of having to stop to cry and remembering I feel a little better. I feel like there is some kind of closure to that month. There is still so much more of that month... plus the days that followed... but that could come at a later time. I'm really thankful the Lord helped me to go through those memories and deal with them, as hard as it was.
Please pray for me as sometimes I think even the enemy could use memories to hold a person back. Please pray that I will always rely on Jesus... no matter what the enemy brings... even death.
