the other day i was driving and heard chris tomlin's enough on the radio and cried. Jesus is really enough for me, all i really need is Him, but at the same time i just cried wanting P to be there listening to the song with me on the radio... what a privilege to have christian radio. sometimes i think that's not being a good christian... thinking maybe my faith is too small still.
today i was looking for P's memory verse cards and i found a small zip lock bag half full of mustard seeds. P used to keep that on his desk next to the map of our neighborhood. i remember us talking about how faith only needs to be as big as a mustard seed and we could move mountains. as i thought of that and the little faith i feel i have right now... i thought, everyday is like moving mountains... missing P, answering A's questions of where daddy is and listening to her desire of wanting him back, trying to live a normal life while thinking how it would be so much better if he was here and so much more... i just pray that i could grow through all of this... seems impossible at times, but nothing is impossible with Jesus huh?
yesterday A and i went to memory park to take care of some things and played there for a little bit. couldn't believe it is only a month, but at the same time it seems like a decade. then i thought, one day i'm going to wake up and it's going to have been a year. we thought this while we were overseas, but it's so real now too, how life just moves on... and it'll just keep going.. and some day we all will go a day, then two, then three days without thinking about P (at least that's what a book said).
today A and i had a mommy A day. in the morning we just stayed at home and cleaned our rooms and stuff and played... then after nap we went to the pool and played. it was so much fun. at first she was a little timid with all the cool water stuff (slide, sprinklers, kids), but then we got into it and it was so much fun. then we went out for a little dq and headed for the library. she takes after her daddy in her love for books. i never really enjoyed reading until later in my life, but P loved books and always had one to read (usually his Bible) wherever he went.
thanks for all of you who keep up with us through this blog. i'll try to keep it updated.
